well my best friend is here I am seeing her live her life as if her ex-husband doesn't or never exsisted I have always known her as a couple with her husband now I see guys coming to visit and her getting the attention I used to when I was active in my own life and I find myself jealous the thought came to me in a dream that "why am I not good enough why do you need more thatn me" but I am not in a relationship with her Idon't know where the thought came from she was my ROCK when I was going thru things with Marcus the doc but now my life seems to have disappeared as I watch her live hers out and me I don't care about anything...they are tapering me off my meds so I can truly be clean with out addictive drugs in my system and it's hard but I manage... I don't wanna do anything but isolate and with her here with me in a one room apt its hard we looked at the apt we will be moving to we are both in love with it...we will have our own areas but as I see men come and go I am getting jealous at the same time wondering where my solitude is...i wanna hide from the world but knowing I will still b here when i decied to live agsin tears are all that I can muster up as i sit on my pitty pot. I have thoughts when I see these men that she could do so much better in the looks department then I realize I prolly won't think anyone is good with her cause I am used to seeing her with her husband. I don't know how to b supportive to her I can barely take care of myself let alone her. She has never been out on her own this is her first time with out her husband she married at 19 she is more guilable thatn some and believes almost all of them and I just wanna tell her she can't believe everything she hears trying to protect her from getting hurt but she is an adult and is gonna do what she wants I am once again powerless as Iam gaining faith and the love of my HP as Isee her run from her beliefs See I met them at the church my uncle used to be at a preacher at so I was drawn to the life they had in CHrist adn now things are different very different I don't do change well with change I am in therapy now due to it being reccomended by my shrink so I am learnning how to deal with all the time I have lost due to all the stuff with the unhealthy shrink I feel so hard for and mylife as not been the same since I hate him for that but the thought of him stuill makes me cry I wanna believe he really loved me now I don't believe anything a man has to say and me going back into the lesbian lifestyle is not within my belief system I just don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Except share with ya'll what I am going thru. thanx for letting me share
__________________
Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Hey Manon,yes I can only suggest to continue sharng your feelings.You may want to share them with her also.Tell her how you feel,maybe you are concerned for her well being and maybe you are a little jealous.Honesty up front,though at times ,is very difficult,if done in a loving caring manner can bring about great freedom.In between divorces(2x) and many different relationships,I would also have some of these very same feelings.Why did my stuff go bad and why are "they" lookin like its all cool.??..Would actually get mad and catch resentments cause I was really mad with myself and all the junk inside my head..I never shared it either,but I have learned more ,day by day and know now that I have to say whats on my mind, just i have to make sure I say things in respect and love....not always easy..I also wanted to isolate,but as a dealer quite impossible,all I was doing was coping and selling,low level ,so tons of traffic...Continue to get with your Higher Power and remember you have a 3rd step in your life each and every day..Good talkin with yA!! Se you on the rebound!!
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
That's such a hard situation, Manon. As a woman, it's hard to give and receive advice/criticism/concern. We tend to walk on egg-shells, worried about how the other person will react. Simply put yourself in her shoes and think of how you'd like to be spoken to (if at all).
Given her circumstances, I'm sure she's going through her own mental hell... and men are a temporary solution to "fix" her self-esteem, self-worth, etc issues.
Let her know you care, ask her how she's feeling about different men she's brought home, and gently let her know you care and don't want to see her hurt.
Call it my Minnesota nice or whatever, but I just figure there's no need to raise tensions unnecessarily, especially when it can be properly communicated early.
PLUS, you're still going through the agitation of early recovery. Everything's gonna tick you off. Just be patient with yourself and you'll find the serenity you need to get through another day... and in finding that patience and acceptance of yourself, you're better able to be patient and tolerant of others...
