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NA Message Board -> Narcotics Anonymous Message Board -> Freaking out
Post Info TOPIC: Freaking out
BeatriceN


Newbie

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Freaking out
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Ok son I'm doing step four and I can't make a meeting today... spoke with my sponsor and I am grateful that I found this Meeting online thingy...


I came to realize the following

I am at war with myself... because of a pedestal effect I expect alot from people
I expect more than I can offer
I basically wanna fly before I even learn to crawl
My OCD part of my brain hates me for being an addict because I proved to it I am not perfect which is the expectation; even though the realist in me knows thats not possible. I am sick with a disease that only God can help me arrest but I have trust issues even at times with god

I feel twisted



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MIKEF


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Welcome to MIP,you are in the right place..yup we are in the grip of a hopeless dilemma,the solution which is spiritual in nature,therefore we will deal with spiritual matters!Excellent work to get to Step 4.FREE YOURSELF!!Hope to hear more from ya,stick around we need you! peacesmile

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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery. 
Tom C


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Hi Beatrice.  Nice post here.  I just wanted to comment because I can relate to what you're saying.  We carry a heavy burden when we expect perfection with ourselves AND OTHERS.  Humility and humbleness smashes this OCD obsession, but it has to be practiced 27 hours a day, 7 days a week.

OCD and perfectionism is a result of the desease affecting our spiritual nature.  The problem is spiritual!

A re-review of Step 1 will bring this into light ... the powerlessness and unmanageability (especially the unmanageability part).

I've found an article online written by an alcoholic.  It sheds light on Step 1 and has allowed me to dig deeper -- on the spiritual level.  It may also help you.  In the article, please pay close attention to the 15 symptoms described near the middle.  They are important to help identify our spiritual sickness.

The article: http://www.barefootsworld.net/aaspiritualmalady.html

I really hope this has helped in some way.  Thank you once again for your post.

-- Edited by Tom C on Saturday 29th of January 2011 01:20:30 PM

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Tom C.
Cleveland, Ohio
Dave R


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Congrats on making it this far in the steps. Step 4 is a crucial turning point in recovery, because you start to peel back the layers of the onion and find out more about who you are and what makes you tick. It is not an easy step, but the rewards are tremendous.

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Jacqueline


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Posts: 4
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I am a Mother of a Son that has an addiction problem.  I'm replying to you becasue of your comment.  I don't want to make it sound easy because its not, just hand it over to God and walk the path he has paved for you.  Give your worries to him and trust him, I promise you he will carry you.

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Jacqueline
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