my son went back to my mother today he threatened to hurt me and the police got involved as well as a mental health team so mom decied he needed to be back at here house she seemed more relaxed I am wore out I am emotionally drained I feel like I failed I am afraid it is gonna drive me bacxk into my bedroom to hide from the world I feel I have no other reason to be here life just can't make up it's mind on what is in store for me so why bother I want out I am sick of this shit I wanna fucking die I can't even be a fucking mom I am alone because my room mate just left with his girlfriend bcause they need time I was crying but that did not seem to be important anymore I am really thinking of just doin it aloneI just don't do ppl but at the same time if it wasn't for him Iwould not be outta the bedroom so i am so confused I was supposed to die oct 11th of 2009 that didn't wark I will not make 40 I refuse potassium will stop my heart and fast and it is perscribed due to a deficency so waht the hell why not right there is notheing left for me here
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
stop it. that night you were gunna kill yourself you were texting me and i cried all night because i thought you were gone. dont do that to me again. you just need to start over. move out of town. meet new people. come here like you said you were like a year ago. youre not the only one whos been crying today. i tried talking to you today but you were being a bitch and stopped answering me. love you but you were being a bitch. feel better pal.
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Manon, Thanks for reaching out, please keep doing so. If you were meant to die on the 11th of Oct 2009, you would have. Again, being selfish here, but think of the others in your life. How are your mother and your son going to feel if you do what you are talking about? Don't say you don't care. If you didn't, you wouldn't be hurting so bad right now. Please, try working your steps, especially the 11th one, prayer and meditation. I am new here, probably don't know much of what I'm talking about but there are others here who do and from what I can tell, they really care about you. Just try to make it through today. One day at a time. Peace.
Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sorry you're in a bad place, but things will get better if you don't use drugs. Go to meetings, call your sponsor, pray. This to shall pass.
well its morning now I got some rest I amstill heart broken about my failures but I am in a better space the october 11th deal was my biggest attempt on my life that was brought on by a former shrink don't want to think about that right now but I am in a bit of a better mind state Liz I quit texting cause I fell asleep I had ppl here it was hard to read the phone with tears in my eyes I apologize if u thought i was being a bitch
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
There is a Power ,therefore we do not loose heart,though outwardly we may be wasting away,inwardly we are renewed day by day!We fix our eyes on what is not seen but on what is unseen.Manon,continue to share your pain but move toward a solution,Step 3 has you making the decision,when you do, let God take care of the results. Step 11 will have you seeking God's will and His power to carry it out..This too shall pass! Its definitely better to have tried and not succeeded then not to have tried at all, setbacks can bring us strength!! Do not forsake in the dark what God has shown you in the light!! peace my friend.....
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Manon, I can feel your pain and I know what depression is all about. I deal with it daily.
However, you must realize that feelings of self-pitty and selfishness are signs that you're NOT working the 12 Steps. You may be "going through them" but you're really not working them.
One way to help yourself, if you really want any help, is to get out of yourself and into into service. Be of service to others, reach out, give of yourself with out expecting something in return, and quit the self-pitty.
I also hope you realize that you are harming others when you're selfish and full of self-pitty. STAY ACTIVE AND REACH OUT TO HELP SOMEONE. Doing so, you'll be helping yourself.
You're in my prayers.
-- Edited by Tom C on Saturday 29th of January 2011 08:49:11 AM
Hate your pic. But am glad to hear from you. May today be a good day for you. Look for the good and the blessings, although you may feel there are none, there always are. It can be as small as a drop of rain or a ray of sunshine. (Sunshine in my neck of the woods is always a blessing. Yep, Seattle....lol) or something more tangible like a huge sum of money(don't we all wish!!!!) Anyway, you get my point. Step outside yourself and your fear and your pain. Look for the good. It's there. We all have good inside us. I have to believe this for it is part of what keeps me going. Peace
Your life just crossed paths with mine. You have touched me and that cannot be undone. I am one more person who prefers the world with you in it.
A thought that keeps my hand steady when when I want to desert my life is to ask myself a simple question. "What do i want?" and then I realize that if I self-terminate, my last act will be desperation. My last emotion will be pain/fear/shame/whatever and I will never know RELIEF, which is the real answer to "What do i want?" - Relief.
So I do whatever I have to do; Turn it Over, Phone A Friend, Take a HALT inventory, make a Gratitude List...whatever. THAT'S when I find the Relief. Might take a day or two or seven but I find it. I'm not unique, either. You can find it, too.
As for "I am a fuck-up". Well, I made some big mistakes in the military and my commander once said "Rob, you keep fuckin' up and that's why I keep dealing with you. If you were a fuck-up...I wouldn't bother."
Manon, I know from reading your posts life has been hard on you.Don't hurt yourself , you will survive you have been threw loss of boyfriends.Maybe it is better yourson being at your Mom's right now ,let all of you cool off from what ever got the arguement going .I can tell all this hurt you are going through that you really care about it all.Crying is a way to let it go,purify ourselves.
try to be the strong person and dont give up cuz all things are possible with the help of your friends and family... and if need to seek help from the lord I wish you luck
