Well im new to this but i thought i might share a little about my addiction and what i have been through so here it goes!!! My name is Amanda and im 25 years old and i have three boys and one girl they are six, five, almost three, and almost one and i am six and a half months pregnate now with another little girl.I am happily married to my husband Mitch.When i was twenty i already had my first two boys,I got started doing meth really bad i didnt care about no one but my habit, I had been in several diffrent relationships that did not last due to drugs I was hit on and treated real bad. Well i got caught up in some really bad stuff and i lost my kids to cps i was so far into the drug that i thought the more i would do the less i would miss my babies well it didnt work like that i wouldnt give up the drug for nothing not even my kids at the time, time went by i still used and my kids were adopted out to another family,(Tank God a family who really loves and takes care of them). Well i meet my husband now right befor i lost my kids and after i lost them he took me out of state and got me clean and sober.After being clean i thought of killing myself for not fighting for my kids, i couldnt live with the fact that i cared more about dope then i did my kids i didnt want to have anymore kids unless i new i was able to stay clean and never use again, i was clean for about two years before i got pregnate with my third son he was a blessing i stayed clean moved back to cali and got pregnate and had my first baby girl well about a month after having her i thought i could us one in a while and not get get cought up cause i was being a great mom my kids were number one not the drugs well before i new it our door was being kicked in and once again my kids were gone. I have not used since the day cps took my son and doughter from me im glad i was not so far into the addiction to were i didnt fight for the i know now that all meth is , is a black whole you dont think you will ever get out of i lost so much from doing drugs and if it was not for my husband then i would of givin up and killed myself a long time ago he really is my gardian angel. I have completed my drug and alcohole class and my parenting class, im going to na and comeing to this group and it is keeping me clean.I am truely blessed that CPS gave me another chance they could of just adopted them out and not of gave me a chance to fight for them but i guess i am bless i can only thank god for giving me the strangth and hope that is keeping me going. My kids get to come home in march i finally got our own appartment. So things are really changing for the good and it would not be this way if i was still useing drugs. I have seen what it does to a person and i dont want to be that person ever again. I still get updates and pictures of my two older boys they are in a great home i just hope that one day they will be able to forgive me for what i didnt do for them and for not fighting for them i was so far into drugs that nothing mattered and i beat my self up everyday because no mother who loves there kids could give up on them dont get me wrong i love them with all my heart, but i was too far into my addiction to were i couldnt fight or do anything untill i got clean.I thank the loard everyday for waking me up and keeping me off drugs i take it one day at a time, Everynight i thank him for keeping me clean that day. Thank you to everyone on here that inspired me to make my own post.
-- Edited by dpdiamond on Friday 28th of January 2011 09:20:33 PM
-- Edited by dpdiamond on Saturday 29th of January 2011 07:38:45 PM
-- Edited by dpdiamond on Saturday 29th of January 2011 08:12:27 PM
Welcome. I think you will find that people here are not here to judge, only to lend their experience, strength and hope. Congratulations on another 24hrs !!!! Peace.
thanks for sharing your story. I need to hear things like that, lest I forget. I'm glad your doing better. Please keep coming back to let us know how you are doing. peace.
Yea na is keeping me clean It saved my life. When i start typing i dont stop it just comes out i dont make to much since, I should go get a better education...
