How to forgive

pheobie2112 · Member

How to forgive

Mike M · Guru

Welcome.

My name's Mike, I'm an addict. Today I'm a grateful recovering addict. Nobody forced me to become an addict. And why or how I became an addict isn't what's important. For me I had to accept responsibiltiy for my disease of addiction and take responsibility for my recovery and learn to forgive myself before I could forgive others. Forgiving others is about getting the negative poisons out of my system, not about letting anybody or anything off the hook as it were.

Don't know if you're an addict or not, only you can say. If you are an addict and want what we have to offer, freedom from active addiction and a better way of life, then suggest you start going to NA meetings if you haven't already.

pheobie2112 · Member

Hi Mike,

I was an addict for about 1 year, beginning in January of 1993. In the spring of 1994 I just quick smoking coke and drinking lots of Tequillia to come down from the cocaine high. In that one year my life as I knew it was destroyed and now I am dealing with kids who hate me and an ex husband who tries to contact me and I just get so angry every time I think about him. What is ironic is my kids and I have a strained relationship because I can't bring myself to forgive him. They have a relationship with him and he is still actively an addict. I think if he was held to the fire as much as I was I could maybe stop being angry and maybe then I could forgive. I need a lot of help and I feel time is just speeding by. I understand that I need to take responsibility for my own actions and this I do daily. I feel guilty every day and I just want to throw up when I think about the things I allowed myself to do.

Mike M · Guru

Sorry, but our and Narcotics Anonymous focus is recovery from addiction. You may wish to seek out Naranon, a program who's focus is for people coping and dealing with addicts.

Dave R · Guru

Don't see how you can be an addict for a year. In my mind, once an addict, always an addict. I am never fully recovered from this disease. Learning how to forgive others and ourselves is a big part of the steps we work in NA (and Nar Anon too). I recommend you check out some meetings.

pheobie2112 · Member

Thanks for the info..I will look into naranon.

MIKEF · Guru

Hello! I have been an active member of Naranon for over 4 years.I am an addict and my 24 year old son is a Heroin addict.Here is the address :
                                          Nar-anon FAMILY GROUP
                                          HEADQUARTERS,INC
     (800)477-6291
     (310) 534-8188)      22527 CRENSHAW BLVD. SUITE 200B
you can call!!!                                          TORRANCE CA 90505
                                           WEB     WWW.NAR-ANON.ORG
                                            tAKEN FROM CONFERENCE APPROVED LITERATURE.

YOU ALSO SAY YOU WERE TURNED ON TO DRUGS ,SO ONLY YOU CAN ANSWER THE QUESTION OF 'am I an addict" we also have literature on our website.

NA.ORG. YOU CAN DOWNLOAD INFO/PAMPHLETS/LITERATURE ETC...GOOD LUCK!

LET US KNOW HOW ITS GOING!!! smile

-- Edited by MIKEF on Friday 28th of January 2011 09:26:16 AM

kanenrineh · Member

The topic is forgiveness and I can tell you that not forgiving is a way of dying and I hope things worked out for you.

pheobie2112 · Member

Wow, I feel as though everyone want's to care, but, all of your replies are coming across rather harsh. For instance, Mike is telling me that I don't belong, when my counslor believes I do belong in these meetings, and Dave is defeating in his reply. I am not an active addict, but I never said I didn't have residual effects, and that is why I am seeking help. Then there is the threat that I will be dying because I am not forgiving. I understand that for the love of myself I need to forgive the person who has destoyed 3 loving kiddoes and a mom who loved them dearly, and a person who chooses not to get clean, but instead is rewarded with our kids in his life (they feel very sorry for him and feel they need to make sure he's ok, while I am here, trying at every turn to better myself and all I get is that I was a horrible mother). I understand that this unforgiving on my part is holding me back. That is why I am going to counseling and why I am doing everything my counselor is telling me to do, including looking at narcotics anonymous.
By the way, when I kicked my ex out and got clean, I never ever have had a craving to do cocaine or drink alcohol. I am a runner, I am obtaining my RN license, and I have a wonderful, functioning husband, so, I believe that I did have an addiction, but when I look at cocaine, it physically makes me ill. I will never be defeated into that discusting life-style ever again. Thanks for such a warm welcome.

nezyb · Senior Member

New here, but here's my two cents. Probably worth only about that but here goes. To what I understand, these are not meetings. This is a message board, a place to pose thoughts and/or questions and get some feedback. Some of it comes from people with only hours, days or weeks sober, some of it comes from those with years sober. From what I can glean from your posts, you lived a lifestyle of addiction, although be it for only a year. During that time you lost much. Many of those here have been to the depths of hell and back, many of us have been able to hide our addictions and even live what we would classify as productive and contributing lives during the period of our active addiction. At least to those outside looking in. Unless you are willing to take a good hard look at yourself and start there, this board, NA, or any other program or counseling in the world isn't going to help you. You say you are moving on with your life, and you will never be defeated again. Sounds to me like you still are. Again, just my two cents. And yes, sometimes the truth is harsh. If you really want help, you are going to have to get used to that. Don't know if you have read any literature from NA or Nar-Anon, but perhaps that might help. Go to a face to face meeting, either NA or Na-Anon. There is no magical solution, but what you are doing now doesn't sound like it's working too well, so what do you have to lose?

nezyb · Senior Member

Re-read my above post and felt I needed to clarify my statement about you still being desperate. I meant that to me, it sounds like you are still desperately looking for an answer to the pain you are feeling as a result of the consequences of YOUR drug use. I'm still not comfortable doing this, and sometimes I think maybe I should just listen (so to speak) and learn, but I seem to have hard time doing that. Have all my life. LOL. Peace

avid · Guru

I think I understand why your counselor suggested visiting us here.
You see.....We are all about accepting responsibility for our situation in life.
Your posts scream blame...at your ex-husband
and resentment....at your kids for caring about him.
After all is said and done addiction is a spiritual illness that requires a spiritual solution.
The fact that you are clean and doing well in career and new relationship is only serving to justify you in your determination to blame your ex.
but yet you are still denying yourself the things you want most...namely peace of mind and the understanding and acceptance of your children.
This is a classic dilemma many of us face after obtaining abstinence.
We can't accept that our disease is still exerting powerful influence over our lives. I mean we are clean right????
You need NA meetings, as well as Naranon. You need to realize that the spiritual solution applies to you too.
step one "We admitted that we are powerless over our addiction and that our lives have become unmanageable." With your RN degree and your new husband is your life truly manageable?
Surrender.
Let go of the anger, fear, and resentment.
You have been fighting this for nearly 15 years.
Give yourself a break and try a new way of life.
What have you got to lose?
And please, come back and let us know how you are doing.

dpdiamond · Veteran Member

I know what you mean my ex-boyfriend got me into drugs. I couldnt love him anymore after that i tried but the more i thought about what he had got me into and i could not live with that. I know it was my choice to do the drugs but it still hurts me i would of not started to do them if it wasnt for him. you can forgive but you will never forget what he done to you. Do your kids have any understanding about what you have been through, you should try to exsplain it to them. well good luck

-- Edited by dpdiamond on Saturday 29th of January 2011 07:54:23 PM

Raman · Guru

Hi ,,
addict or not and if your still wanting to be forgiving here it is...
Not NA approved, but very supplementary..
please write,write,write.....

gettingbackup · Veteran Member

forgive isnt my problem. its the forgetting. but im getting there. forgive and forget

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