I woke up in tears and screaming this morning night terrors are back glad the room mate was with his girl he has been most of the weekend so my mind of course feels like a race track I am trying to tell it "slow down turbo" but nothin avails
I was doing great had hope some faith with the move which now is more important than ever because my son can't come up the stairs my new dwelling is a downstairs unit it was that or way up nope my knees are about to be fixed as well as my kidney I am using the winter to catch up on some health issues
i have been putting off and being downstairs is essential so I have to call the urologist as well as orthapedist to start what has to happen from here health wise; Although mo is having issue with her knees as well which we have both already had surgery on them once
RANDOM THOUGHT
SOMEONE said that suicide was not an option it is always an option mayb enot the best choice just like using it is a choice
Neway My mother won't be able to redo her knees till july and I am not so active in the cold so I may as well do what needs to be done they have to repair my utera?? my kidney is not totally draining into my bladder as it is suppoded to
both of my knees acls are ut need to be replaced i hate surgery but I need to start taking care of my self and see if I can conquor some of my fears so by doing so i will be at the docs motre than normasl just don't know where to startt I am thinking about doing my knees once Iam in the downstairs unit so I guess the kidney is first neway ty dfor just lettingme get what is in my head out I guess I just needed to get it out
my shrink is pushing me to go to intensive outpatient but it will be a bit rough for a few reason the last time I was in I was under the docs care that caused this set back and went over the things I had done while Iwas there so igotta get that outta my mind that and in a group of ppl I can barely shut up and sit down alone let alone in front of god and everyone else but ui told my shrink if he got me into therapy with one of two therapists I would go to therapy to prepare for a group envitroment I have to call him today neway to talk about the recent events that caused the ideations Ihave been having so that maybethere is something we can do from this point. I like the new doc but iwould rather the one that I had for the past year I know where he is practicing but if I start hopping around mom will pull the plug and then I won't hacve a choiice she will pull power of attorney if I change things and I am in the best clinc in tulsa to spite the ppl training to finish their degrees so ifI have to go inpatient I let them know that those ppl practincing from said school can't touch my files they know all parties involved I would rather steer clear cause when it come to that stuff my mind isfinally slowing knowing that I am moving helps too but ne way did not mean to write a book guesss I just have a lot on my mind