Ok, here it is. In addition to anxiety and addiction issues, my psych has diagnosed me with add. It is a pretty obvious diagnoses and apparently could be the cause of my anxiety and a cause of the addiction stuff.
Anyway, a few months ago I was put on meds for it--stimulants. I quit taking them a month ago, feeling guilt over taking them. Guilt. That is what I feel about everything. But I feel like since I have a history of addiction with hydro and alcohol, is adding a stimulant going to cause more problems or be more than just treatment. And the thing is, that it actually helped me focus, get stuff done, but I also enjoy the feeling of it.
Is it wrong to enjoy the feeling of something? Does that mean it is harmful or you are addicted?
I went back today and told my psych I hadn't been taking it, but that I do notice a big difference in how I function. He knows my history, knows the addiction and states again and again that I have add and if I want to feel "normal" (that isn't the word he used, but you get it), that I should probably take the meds.
So, I said this, "Ok, well if you are a person with chronic pain who has to take a narcotic long term, yet you enjoy the effects of it and even without the chronic pain would want to take it, do you still take it?"
Does that make sense? I understand that there are other things to treat chronic pain, but let's say there wasn't. Let's say that the only relief was through a narcotic, yet it was also enjoyable to the user that he couldn't imagine life without it. Is that the same thing as me, needing meds for add, yet also enjoying the way they make me feel?
I just don't want to be phony anymore. I don't want to take anything unnecessarily or convince myself that something is ok, when it is not. But I have him, and everyone else telling me it is ok. And I don't abuse it at all--in fact I take such a low dose because I have myself so psyched out about addiction now.
No advice. We each have to work our own program. My 12 step program is the reason I am alive, and stay alive. And, so is my medication, properly prescribed, properly taken, properly monitored, by a trusted practitioner who is expert in treating multiple disorders. For me, there is no easier, softer way. Without it I would be unable to sustain my sobriety. It doesn't matter how I "feel" about taking the medication that keeps me sane and functional. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it, either. I want to live more than I want to die, so that's where it's at.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
This is a good topic to talk to your sponsor about. NA also has literature dealing with this issue. See the pamphlet "In Times of Illness" and the chapter in the Basic Text "More will be revealed."
Hi, I am one who believes that the difference between medicine and dope is intent.
Good topic. My anxiety disorder manifests itself in outbursts of rage. While the 12 Steps, a strong sponsor, a humble relationship with my HP, 12th Step service and daily meetings give me the serenity, courage & wisdom to deal with 90% of life on life's terms (job, shelter, social interactions, community work, honest friendships) despite my mental illness...there is more.
I have four children under the age of 12. They shall not live in fear. So, my doctor & my psychotherapist got together and after a year of this, that and the other have found a medication combination that helps provide a "pause between impulse and action".
I suppose that I could abuse the meds if I chose to. I hear that one of them has a lucrative street value, as well.
My daily Steps 10 & 11, a strong relationship with my sponsor and a humble responsibility of service to my sponsees is keeping me aware that the character defects of arrogance and gluttony could lead me back to a place of insanity which would harm my children and myself.
