OK, so I am just now realizing what my "triggers" are. How weird is this. I can feel a slight beginning of a migraine creeping up on the right side of my head (where I always get migraines when I have them) and this sense of euphoria comes over me. The slightest bit of pain that I feel used to signal to me that it was totally ok for me to take a pill. Whether it is excedrin migraine, to get that caffeine buzz, or stealing my son's tylenol with codeine or my dad's hydrocodone, I felt justified by the slightest twinge of pain.
So here I sit, a twinge in my head. It is a twinge most people probably wouldn't even recognize as pain, but it is a signal to me that I have the all-clear, the go-ahead. The reason why I have the twinge in the first place is because of taking pills. I get rebound headaches from daily using now. I know that. I know what it is. I know the triggers.
But, I sit here with anxiety building because I know that I am not going to take anything. The anxiety isn't over the pain. I can live with the pain, even if it is a full-blown migraine. It is the thought that what I associate with this pain is pleasure, and I will not feel that pleasure.
Just some thoughts. I am assuming I am not the only one. Does anyone else have triggers such as pain? I am so used to loving pain now, because it is a green-light that always made me feel a little less guilty.
I was never really comfortable with the notion of 'triggers'. It implied that if I did 'this' or didn't do 'that' then I wouldn't use. I used every day for many years. It didn't matter if i was having a good day or a crappy one, if the sun was shining or it was raining. It could be the weekend or a Tuesday. It just didn't matter. I'm an addict. I do what addicts do i.e. take drugs. So now I know I'm powerless. And it has freed me.
Oh my gosh, I can totally relate !! I thought that I must be the only one who has had that thought. Everytime I got sick, I thought that was the green light for me to use. I thought "I have so much to do, how can i get it done if i am sick". Then I would get high and get nothing done and end up at odds with the closest people in my life, but most especially myself. It feels really good not to act on those triggers anymore. I only have a little over 90 days. I feel more at ease with myself and those around me. Thank God for you guys here on this message board for in all this time I have only been able to make one meeting and it was AA. Thank You !!!!!!!!!
"Triggers" is treatment center jargon. You don't find much talk about this in the NA literature. NA talks about obsession and compulsion. For me, using drugs begins with my thinking. Thinking about drugs leads to using drugs. I can change my way of thinking, and that's what I need to work on. I don't need a specific trigger to use drugs, if my thinking is messed up. Conversely, if my thinking is spiritually-focused, then triggers won't have any impact on me.
Most NA literature was written many years before the science of addiction was available to expand the knowledge and vocabulary about the disease process, but they are not incongruent.
Dismissing triggers as "treatment center jargon" discounts the value of education about their affects. (Yeah, I got a button pushed! :) Not everyone is plagued by them, but for people who are, learning about and recognizing triggers, especially the very subtle ones, is an important element of relapse prevention.
The biochemically-provoked process that leads to a recovered/clean/sober addict's return to "messed up thinking" is itself triggered by changes in the brain's neurotransmitters. This leads to uncomfortable feelings, and sabotaging behaviors. That then sets in motion the obsession and compulsion to do what we do best-get high. Triggers may lead directly to using, if we don't take immediate action to get re-rooted in the Steps, including improving the soundness of our physical, mental and spiritual condition. We may be powerless, but we are not helpless.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
The biochemically-provoked process that leads to a recovered/clean/sober addict's return to "messed up thinking" is itself triggered by changes in the brain's neurotransmitters.
Yeah and knowing this is going to keep me clean?
My trigger was waking up in the morning. After that miserable reality was established I was going to use. It's that simple.
As you say NA was helping addicts recover from addiction long before the current treatment models came into being. It worked then, it works now. I have nothing against the 'science of addiction' I think it's a valuable field. But it is not Narcotics Anonymous. People bring treatment center concepts into the meetings and truly believe that they are following the NA program when clearly they are not.
Addicts need a place to detox. Learning about the nature of addiction is important. But all the knowledge in the world won't help you stay clean unless you clean house and change your life. This is not done by going to treatment. It's done by working the program of narcotics anonymous ........pray/meditate, read NA literature, work the steps, speak to your sponsor, go to a meeting. Do this everyday and you have a chance. Substitute treatment for working the program and ......welll.....good luck.
"Yeah and knowing this is going to keep me clean?"
Not in and of itself. But knowing how the relapse process works can help us with our self-care. Kinda like how we used to think that putting butter on a burn was a good thing---now we know it's one of the worst things to do and we should put the burn under cold water. Better to have the information and be able to use it, than not even know.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
I'm with you Lee..... Like Avid I used to think if my eye's were open that was enough to trigger using thought's. At 2 1/2 yrs clean and working the NA programme on a daily basis I can still have using thoughts triggered. The most common one is when watching TV or a movie and one of the characters cracking a beer. I was never a big drinker but some where in my head my brain thinks that a drink would be ok. Logically I know that this is not so, that alchol is a drug and I must abstain from all drugs in order to stay clean. Awareness is one of the tools I use to help me in my recovery and being aware of triggers has helped me to understand how my disease can try to entice me into picking up. By the grace of God I have kept my disease at bay and I make a choice on a daily basis not to pick up no matter what.
Thanks so much, all of you, for this discussion. I see there are several different schools of thought. While I , myself am very new and "green" to this whole thing, the word that does come to mind is "trigger" when something slaps me in the face as a form of reminder. Do not forget that everyone, though wanting to quit using, still has different experiences and different level of using. For example, while I used every day, I was not a frequent, several times a day, user. I was always too scared. So, using was not always the first thing on my mind. If one would argue that this does not make me an addict, enter my brain and you will see differently.
I thought about it a lot, but it wasn't always first. With three kids, a traveling husband, my own business, etc. I have a lot to think about and do, so yes, there are times my mind would be elsewhere, thinking about my responsibilities and all of a sudden, a slight zap in my head, where my migraines usually begin, would send over me a feeling of euphoria that I would get when I felt I then had an excuse to pop a hydro.
Call it a trigger, or a reminder or whatever, I am new in recovery and this is just a phenomenon I am dealing with. While I do wake up with using something in the back of my mind, I do also wake up with thoughts of my kids, my life, my responsibilities. I hope this makes sense.
I try not to sit and stew in my triggers, if i'm not feeling well i do something about it.
I ripped my good knee last week, and i've been in discomfort and pain for a week. I get depressed when I think about how my life can change without my knee to do my work, I'm a residential house painter. But i ask for Gods healing, I ice my knee and wrap it and try to take care of the hurt, I use lots of ibupropen.
I dont get morbid or let those thoughts take over, I trust God, my higher power to do for me what i cant do for myself.
most of our troubles are centered in our minds, and that is where evil ( my belief) looks for an IN. The con game is running to con you into using, or not feeling good about yourself, always negative. We must learn to be postive with those negative nilly thoughts always running in our heads .
I was never really comfortable with the notion of 'triggers'. It implied that if I did 'this' or didn't do 'that' then I wouldn't use. I used every day for many years. It didn't matter if i was having a good day or a crappy one, if the sun was shining or it was raining. It could be the weekend or a Tuesday. It just didn't matter. I'm an addict. I do what addicts do i.e. take drugs. So now I know I'm powerless. And it has freed me.
THANK YOU!! Triggers are NOT real, at least for me! I used no matter what. My only trigger would have to be breathing, cause if I am breathing, I'm high. Working these 12 steps, I now carry the message and am sober!
