The snow is blowing dense and fast, completely parallel to the ground, dumping about a foot and half so far, no signs of letting up. I am having my favorite snowed-in, planned ahead for it, non-vegetarian sandwich: whole grain toast, horseradish mayo, sliced turkey breast, natural potato chips, and bread and butter sweet pickle slices on top. Earl Gray tea with local honey, and a square of Lindt Orange Essence dark chocolate. The office is closed. I am home (I have a home!!! and it has heat!!!) watching a re-run of Top Chef. I love Top Chef. 

I love what I am NOT having: withdrawals; recuperation from the last near-death experience; no memory from the blackouts (who is this guy and where am I?); sleeping on the subway (good for three round trips, Bronx to Bklyn), the Staten Is. ferry (good for 2 round trips), the Port Authority bus station bathroom stall-I called it the upper bunk LOL); the battered women's shelter; the hospital(s); the wrong end of the gun(s); the car wrecks; the rapes that so many of us thought was just the price to be paid, whatta ya gonna do?; the money gone, gone, gone, and worse-owed, to the wrong people; the house once gained, lost; fired, again; sick; tired; angry; rueful; suicidal; homicidal (ideation);my daughter screaming she hates me (she meant it); welfare when it was deeply demeaning and not an accepted way of life; rotting teeth; foul mouth in the wrong settings; ripping off my customers; being ripped off; mourning dead friends (drugs & HIV & Hep C & the inevitable hangings); breaking my parents hearts and scaring them to death; the heroin and strychnine disaster; the car a non-running wreck, along with my spiritual condition; the denial, and then, the "discovery" of---gasp--the worst-alcoholism! Dang, life ain't fair-couldn't catch me a break! 

Let me repeat myself. I love what I have today, and I love what I am NOT having. 

And I only had to take 12 steps to get to look out my window at this lovely snow, eating my sandwich, drinking my tea, anticipating my chocolate, "chatting" with y'all, and watching my show. Cool!