So little history, I'm a recovering opiate addict; was using oc daily for five years then another two, last two, trying to give it up. I've been doin good lately but not all for the right reasons. Since the op ones came out prices sky rocketed on oc so consequently I reluctantly did heroin two times about four months ago. I never thought I'd do that. I decided with oc prices so high and hating myself for the h and wanting to stop anyways it was time. Messed up one more day with oc and have now since been clean for just over three months. I'm not worried about relapsing, I just don't have any urge to anymore, enough was enough. And trust me I've been tested and passed; an old friend called and said someone was selling him oc that she thought were op, couldn't see well and thought were all op now, 80's for only fifteen bucks. I admit for a minute I thought about making a quick few thousand bucks but quickly decided it wasn't worth the money bc I knew I'd end up doing some; even though I really need money now that my car took a crap. Proud of myself though. Now to the problem at hand, I'm so so lost and it's making me very depressed. I can't get a job anywhere. I don't want to sound arrogant but I have an IQ of 141, I have a picture perfect resume I couldn't even lie to make look better, and I interview well. I'm good at personality mirroring, transferring emotion, and having good quick responses. So then why no job you ask? Credit report! I have a junkies credit report, bankruptcy would actually improve my score; if I could afford it. My resume has gotten me many interviews over past few months. I had six companies offer me the job on the spot after interview and of course I say yes, but wait, it's pending reference, background, and credit checks. I didn't get one of six jobs previously offered, not one. Six!! So what now? What now? What's a recovering junkie to do when I can't get loans to finish school and can't get a job? The fact that my car died also doesn't help. I just want to make a difference, something I'm proud of, or something that makes me happy. Is wanting just one of those three things that bad? So now the way I see it I'll end up at a job a trained monkey could do for not enough money to live let alone fix debt. I'll resent my job and life so much I'll end up more lost, angry, and depressed than I am now. And so far even that's not happening, I can't find ANY job let alone an even decent one. I just don't know anymore, I feel like it's too late. I feel like I'm in this hole I dug and I'm gonna be a bitter depressed person for the rest of my life. I can not think of a way to describe how horrible and eroding that feeling is, or anything to even compare it to. It's wearing me down to nothing. Like I started with I'm so lost and just drifting further down the river. I really hope people read all this, and if you have I sincerely thank you. Any help or advice or anything would be appreciated so much because I got nothin. Thanks for your time and consideration.
My name is Dwight B. ( aka Wuzspun ) YOU are never too far gone to turn back. Regardless of what your past is. The amazing thing about recovery is that it WILL open doors you've never imagined. I smoked up everything I owned and many things that I didn't own before I came to terms with the fact that I needed help with my addiction to meth. Like many others , I was unemployed and unemployable. I was bankrupt in every aspect of the word. I was ashamed of what I had become. I was ashamed of who I was. I was ashamed to ask for help. I found recovery with Gods help. God connected me to NA and NA connected me with God. I have been clean for 2 1/2 years after a 12 year run on ice. My habbit was around $1000.00 week until everything was gone ( family included )
" We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it "
I did what I did and paid a hefty price but the one thing I still have is my life amd my family , for that I am truly greatful. God blessed me with a good job shortly after I came out of a 30 day teatment program. God brought my family back together. God answered my prayers for a second chance at life. Everyday hasn't been easy. Some days are a real struggle , but I always tell myself things would be better tomorrow ............as long as I don't pick up.
I suggest you find a home group and get a sponsor. Attend as many meetings as you can and become proactive in your own recovery and doors will begin to open.
Besides , God answers prayers even when they're hard to put into words.
Sincerely, Dwight B. ( aka Wuzspun ) Pine Bluff, AR
I love this program, love it when a newcomer shares with a newer newcomer their experience, strength and hope.
Oh boy genius IQ of 141, me too, low level genius 141 IQ. I was so smart when I joined the Army to avoid the draft and Vietnam and was solicited, ask to go, free 4 year engineering degree, to attend one the top Engineering Colleges in the world, West Point, I turned it down and instead went to Germany as an nco and got strung out on first hash and crystal meth and later H. My genius IQ was really taking me places! The gutter.
After getting kicked out of the Army for AWOL, after all the smart thing to do was stay loaded instead of showing up for duty, in my perfect wisdom I quit H and stayed loaded on only "organic drugs" for the next five years. At least mostly organic drugs most of the time, but no H.
At one point while having one month left on a one year prosecutors diversion program to avoid a felony drug conviction and prison I was so smart I called my PO to tell her I'd been lying to her for 11 months, just telling her and my drug counselor what they wanted to hear, but really getting loaded everyday. I was so smart with my genius IQ I figured my PO would send me to prison and I'd get help there. Fortunately my Higher Power was smarter than me and made sure my PO was out of the office when I called. So I called my drug counselor and told her my intent. She convinced me not to call my PO back and instead got me a screening at a 6 month in-patient program. This was a Friday, couldn't be screened until Monday morning. I was so smart that even though I wanted to quit dope and was again looking for help I stayed loaded all weekend waiting for the screening time to come around.
I could go on and on how my genious IQ best thinking doesn't do me squat when it comes to recovery from addiction, or living life on life's terms for that matter.
I had to focus on my NA program of recovery and the rest followed. I had to be humble and teachable. I had to surrender and come to believe my best had gotten me nowhere, my life had become unmanageagle. There is hope and strength to be found in NA.
If you want we have to offer and are willing to make the effort to get, get to 90 NA meetings in 90 days and you too may be well on your way to a better way of life.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Being with others who have been thru this and still are,such as an N\A meeting is very helpful for me.And I believe for you to as well.Paths to the solutions I was looking for were forged there,true friendships as well.Thanks for your posting.Find a local meeting whenever possible and share.Acceptance comes in stages....Gary
Try going to NA meetings--you will find experience, strength, and hope there. Addiction is more than just using a particular drug: it an mental, emotional, and spiritual disease. NA can help you with this. I know getting a good job is very important--and trust me, you will, if you stay clean and keep at it--but the most important thing now is to focus on not using drugs and recovering from the disease of addiction. You say you don't want to use now, but this is a sneaky disease, and you may find yourself wanting to use again. Going to meetings and working the NA program can help--a lot!
Welcome Josh! From Recovery/Relapse..."The progression of recovery is a continuous uphill journey,without effort ,we start our slide down the hill again,but the progression of the disease is ongoing,even during abstinence..I can only suggest finding a meeting place,(google in your area)listen for a sponsor,go to work on the "solution".our steps/traditions /concepts and continue to show up...Its never too late.I got clean right after you were born,after 25 years of active addiction.We can find a new way of life,and as we allow our Higher Power to care for us as we turn our will and "lives" all your lives.over.....miracles do happen.They've already started with your time clean. Congrats,.Stick around,help someone else,let us know how your doing...Remember you are someone,a child of God!!!...
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I am in the same boat. In fact, I have an interview today. I lost my house and filed bankruptcy last spring. Like you, I have a great resume, am intelligent and can personality map pretty well. You might, however, try a different tactic. For example, I know that a background report is going to be done...it's part of their due diligence. However, when I am in that interview I say "there are a few things I need to disclose". "I want you to know that my credit report will reflect a bankruptcy and the foreclosure of my home." NOW.....I was physically ill with Aspergillosis (mold spores on my lungs) and my income went wayyyy down and my medical expenses went wayyyy up. Physically, I am fine now and I make sure I tell them this.
If an employers offer you a job and don't want to hire you because you filed bankruptcy then that's probably someone you don't want to work for any way. The economy sucks right now. Many, many people have lost their homes and their good credit. I personally do not believe that financial devastation has anything to do with your work ethic or your professional performance.
When I was called last week for the interview I am going to today, I was straight up honest and told them....."this is what you will see when you do the background report....." AND they are still interested in me. They understood the "human factor" you know? When you do disclose be careful as to how you do it.....use tact and discretion but be sincere.
Just think about TODAY....don't worry about TOMORROW.....I'm still trying to learn how to do this!!!! Don't let your intelligence "mind fuck" you either. I used to intellectualize everything....it kept me in my addiction.
Hey Josh, Things are always great when we stop using. They will get better, but even people with years of clean time can fall on hard times. The one thing we know for certain is that if we use we lose. There is absolutely no doubt that using will ultimately make things worse. So we have to suck it up and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Reliance on our higher power in times such as these can carry us through.
Thanks for the response, much appreciated. I have felt, feel, the same way; the one thing I was blessed with got me no where but the bottom. I've been to meetings before but it seemed like mostly people clean a day or two and people telling sometimes in almost a bragging way of their so called "war stories" with drugs. It just always seemed to hurt more than help bc when I'm clean and have been I just want to put it behind me not be reminded about it. To me it was the same thing as if I were to go hang out with old buddies who are still using. I guess I just have to find a group that fits me better.
Thanks for the reply. I do disclose my credit issues right away in a proper way as you were saying but most places sound fine with it but then after the interview it's always HR or the corporate office doing the checks and that's where it goes south. I'm keepin at it though, have to. I do the same thing I over-think everything and am too analytical and for a long time it only made me a better dealer and addict, by better it's really worse. Better now that I'm clean but the way my head works stuff like this eats away at me and gets me down, but I know it's better than using so I guess that's good. Thanks again
