My friends and fellow addicts, Im certain of one thing as a result of looking at my own behaviour in these past few days; I am angry....
I was walking along the beach, on a lovel day, ut feeling sad, foolish and sorry for myself..I prayed and prayed.. Then I let it all go and I had a thought 'Hell, Ive been angry all my life and never admitted it" And so, the answer came.
Like freedom from active addiction came from my realizing Im an addict, I was faced with a realization two days ago that Im angry.
I am angry, i was angry and it is a part fo my life, one Il have to deal with everyday of my life.. Im casting off all pretenses at eing very serene, in full control of emotions and being saintly.... Im faced with the choiceless awareness that it is better to accept hat Im an angry addict and work at that realty rathe than deny the fact to myself and others...
Like Im an addict but with NA, I have stopped using, have no desire to use and have foud a new way of life. I am using that same successful theory and practice in regards my anger; I am an angry, miserable sod by nature, but with the NA Program, just for today, I can stay clean from anger, lose the desire to be angry and lead a serene life of love, happiness and enjoyment !!! .
Thanks for letting me share that profound experience I had walking on the white sand beaches here !!!! God Bless yall....
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I've learned I'm a very sensitive sap. This also means I can feel and hurt deeply. For years I didn't know it was ok to express 'bad' feelings and became very good at buiding thick walls, keeping everything buried deep inside. Once in a while anger would explode forth with the force of a volcano blast spewing the poison of pent up hurts and resentments. And sometimes it still happens today when I don't stay in the present and deal with feelings and emotions as I should. I can still run from emotional hurt and pain even knowing it's not good for me and hurts me more in the long run. It's hard to allow mysel to feel sometimes, really feel what I'm feeling. But only by allowing myself to feel the feelings will they pass.
I feel your pain Brother. I pray you continue growing in wrestling with your feelings expressed through anger. Thank God for NA, I'd be in deep crap without it!
__________________
Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Raman! thank you for sharing your heartfelt insides.You know our literature tells us" a simple honest message of recovery from addiction always rings true,Like it is said,NA helps us remove ourselves from the use of drugs and that in turn allows us to 'fully ' and with a lucid mind confront the spiritual and mental part of our disease.Knowing the areas we really struggle with,being"entirely ready for God to remove the areas of struggle or allow us to continue to work in the "solution" is part of our journey ,guided by our Higher Power and putting these priciples into action..Love you man,in continued support!!
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Thanks for the identification Mike,,, ur an inspiration...
Sometimes it's still hard for this addict to simply say You're Welcome, and so I say it. Sometimes hard for this addict to believe in my core I deserve thanks of any kind for anything, that I may actually have some value.
Thank you all for being here, especially those with Time continuing to share your experiences, strength and hope. I needed you and God led me to this forum. I need you in my Journey of Recovery and I thank you.
__________________
Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Sometimes it's still hard for this addict to simply say You're Welcome
I totally get that. I often wonder why that is. The only answer I can come up with is 'low self esteem' It makes it hard to acknowledge that I've actually done something good enough that someone would thank me for it. Sometimes it's just so damn boring being me.
Avid-you are anything but boring, which is something that this addict thanks you for. Your posts-and everyone else's are just rich with insight, adventure, foolishness, and flavor. Thank you all & Happy New Year.
__________________
From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
thanks yall, what a wonderful way to start the New Years,,,
secure in the knowledge that we are each others ears and eyes, one addict can best understand and help another addict and another addict will be less likely to judge...................
You know ?? Im on this beautiful islands called Andamans.. warm place, white sand beaches, clean-clean air, very friendly locals and good thinking tourists from all over the globe, in fact, UTOPIA like !!!
But this place has a terrible past; it was prison island for Indian freedom fighters. The British put Indian freedom fighters here and tortured and enslaved them, knowing they could run away because the mainland is 1000 miles away...
This has a very powerful analogy for me as a recovering addict,,, before coming here, life for me was like the prisoners, but then came freedom the NA way and Im greatful Im still free !!
Just for today, I never have to use again, no matter what. Just for today, i can be serene, no matter what !!! Just for today, I decide I will be clean and serene, no matter what,,, so help me God !!
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
