I think Im going to move aroud here and inrto myself to people as "Hey, myname is Rama and Im a joker and an asshole!!!"
The Basic Text says that somethin in the personality of an addict cries for failure. This is the space where Im at right now.
My anger and impulsive speech have again spoilt another good chance at a loving, understanding, longterm relationship..
And now Im inventorying hard and doing all te damage control ican, not with expectations of being restored to that relationship (though id love that) but to save my own dirty ass.....................
Take my will and my life, guide me in my recovery, show me how to live...
pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease...................
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
We all make mistakes Raman how else would we learn????? my life has had its share of them but I hope to be wiser due to them I miss you my dearest frind hope to chat soon
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Amen ,We make that decision in our 3rd step,turn our will and "lives" that means all parts of our life ,to our Higher Power,take some action and let God handle the results.I find my failings when I make the decsion,say I am turing my will and my "lives" that of all of my lives as a lover/parent//teacher/son/employee/husband/friend and so on,and the take action but then try and steer the results..If I can stop beforehand,remember my spiritual process,it seems to always turn out God's way.As a human with fallen nature not always the case ,but I pick myself up,dust mself off and dig even deeper on getting in the solution.Some days obviously better than other days..Your pain shared ,will hopefully be lessened,our anger is just anothe part of the'ORIGINAL MONSTER" addiction,physical,spiritual and mental illness that manifests itself in all areas of our lives!!!Man did the addict that wrote that "hit the nail...!peace my brother..
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Yeah I'm lower on the evolutionary scale than an ameoba, I don't deserve recovery, I'm scum of the earth, I don't deserve anything good in my life, I'm a low life dope fiend piece of crap. I felt that way for a long time in my early days, weeks, months, even years of recovery.
Failure was all I knew or deserved. Truth is any kind of success was scarier than failure I knew so well! Success is hard, growing is hard, humbling myself to allow myself to over and over and over surender to the will of my Higher Power is hard for this self will run riot addict! Working the first three Steps isn't a do it once and done afffair for this bone headed addict. Yet it does get better. Slowly it gets better. At times it's even fantastic whether I think I deserve it or not. And most days I've actually come to believe I too deserve this better way of life.
Living in recovery sucks 'cuz I have to constantly work at it! Year after year Clean and still not well! Why can't it be easy! Living in recovery is wonderful and a blessing 'cuz I have to constantly work at it. Year after year Clean and will always still be growing. It ain't easy but it's simple.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Oh, to answer the title of the thread How much more stupid can I get ? Personally I can and too often still do excel exceedingly well at stupid. But just for today I don't have to if I remain vigilant keeping my sprititual program in order. Absoluteley I'll continue making mistakes until the day I die. I don't have to view the mistakes as stupid today, they are learning experiences. If I continue to do the same thing over and over expecting different results, yeah that's stupid, that's insanity in action.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
wow, thanks yall.... Im feeling much better just reading ur posts....
I also had a text from a far away addict pal in NA that says; "Mistakes increase our awareness of experiences, and in turn, experience decreases our mistakes"....
yeah,,, for this quick fix addict, lifes been a nightmare when self-will took over...
Thank God,, we do recover...
Now all that said, after all this, im not really clear why I blew up on Sylvie on Christmas eve, after wed had a great evening !!!! But Im guessing that low self esteem and feelings of low self worth are hacking away at my serenity in those times............
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
