Hello All, I'm here to tell you just because he's got years of recovery doesn't make him easy to live with. he's got 28 years and I had 11 and went back out on RX meds I'm clean again but we fight like cats and dogs. He's always taking my inventory. I'm tired and sad,Na advice?
If he's really taking your inventory tell him he's not your sponsor and to work his own dang program and you'll work yours! (then call your sponsor )
On the other hand relationships are about caring and sharing. Maybe his caring is misguided into trying to fix you. Tell him you appreciate him sharing his concern and his caring but he can't fix you, you have to work your own program and fix yourself. Yeah, something like that might be better.
Men are from Mars, Woman are from Venus. (great relationship book) By our nature us men tend to be fixers. Not always a good thing! Sometimes we dudes just have to learn how to be there for our dudettes.
__________________
Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Hello Karin.Welcome to MIP!!GLAD YOU SHOWED UP HERE,WE NEED YOU.Our literature tells us emphatically that relationships can be a terribly painful area.We forget we are powerless over other people and that we have to keep our recovery first.Congrats on your clean time but as you are aware 'CLEAN TIME DON'T EQUAL RECOVERY"May be time to look inside ,see if here any reservations in your process,Are you trying to practice spiritual principles in all your affairs,seeking the will of your Higher Power,'working in the solution" not slighting your program?One thing that was important for me to remember with many years of freedom from active drug addiction is that our readings tell us" Complacency is the enemy of those with substantial clean time,if complacent for too long the recovery process ceases,and the progression of recovery is a continuos uphill journey,without effort we take that slide down the hill again,but the progression of the disease is ongoing "even during abstinence" Which just kind of says if you ain;t working on something,something probably working on you!!Honesty,the antidote to our diseased thinking, should always be up front. I can only suggest saying what is on your mind and stay focused on your recovery. Communication and work are part of any relationship,I ransacked 3 marriages because I let things drift away without honest communication and too much self obsession.No matter how many years of recovery a person has,it still takes daily work and action of applying spiritual principles in our lives.I know for this addict that I have never attended any graduation parties from Narcotics Anonymous so it reminds me I must still have a lot to learn..I'll keep you in prayer and know that you have a 3rd and 11th step in your life and it is probably good time to utilize them to the fullest.I wish you peace ..Keep coming back let us know how its going and I pray you are moving back into "our solution"....peace
-- Edited by MIKEF on Wednesday 29th of December 2010 11:05:53 PM
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Very often other people that I have relationships with can provide me with useful input through their words or actions. I need to be open to criticism from others so I can grow.
hang in there Karin! you're right where your suppose to be! If you can hit a meeting, hit a meeting...meetings strenghten our recovery and keep us in close contact with other recoverying addicts....women need women in times like these so sit with the women (if there are any in the meeting, some meetings the majority is men) good luck, keep us posted...do some journaling, deep breathing and positive affirmations
A thought occurred to me. You had 11 years clean, then relapsed. This had to be pretty upsetting to him. How much trust was lost as a result of that? He may have realized how fragile his own recovery was (is)? Stay clean and work a good program just for today. Things will get better.
If HE is upset then HE is the one with a problem , anytime we get upset it's something inside and maybe Avid hit it on the head. Try to get him to express whats really going on inside of himself, I know frustration is my biggest trouble at times and then comes anger on it's heals but the anger isn't whats really going on, theres more to it.
well it might sound like he is being noisy but hes just looking out for you its real easy to turn to meds and get addicted so be careful and try to love each other all relationships is a struggle good luck.
Hello All, I'm here to tell you just because he's got years of recovery doesn't make him easy to live with. 
he's got 28 years and I had 11 and went back out on RX meds I'm clean again but we fight like cats and dogs. He's always taking my inventory. I'm tired and sad,Na advice?
) 
