When someone points out a shortcoming, our first reaction may be defensive.... [But] if we truly want to be free, we will take a good look at input from fellow addicts.
Basic Text, p. 36
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At some point in our recovery, we come to the awkward realization that the way we see ourselves is not necessarily the way others do. We are probably neither as bad, as good, as beautiful, nor as ugly as we think we arebut we are too close to ourselves to really tell for sure. Thats where our friends in the program come in, caring enough to share with us what they see when they look in our direction. They tell us the good things about ourselves we might not knowand they tell us the hard things, too, that we might not be able to see.
We may react defensively to such helpand, in some cases, justly so. However, even malicious remarks about our supposed shortcomings can shed light on aspects of our recovery that we cannot see ourselves. Wherever a useful insight comes from, for whatever reason it is offered, we cannot afford to discount it.
We dont need to wait for others to spontaneously offer their insight. When we spend time with our sponsor or other NA members we trust, we can make the first move and ask them to tell us what they see about particular areas of our lives to which we are blind. We want a broader vision of our life than just our own; we can have that vision by seeing ourselves through the eyes of others.
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Just for today: I seek to see myself as I truly am. I will listen to what others say about me, and see myself through their eyes.
Early in my childhood my now ex-stepfather told me often not to ask stupid questions. So I learned I was stupid if I asked questions. I quit asking questions.
Remember those Cub Scout pinewood derbies? I made one completely on my own, my two hands, all by myself. Sure it was kind of rough looking, hey I was an 8 year old! My ex-stepfather took one look at it and tore it apart. HE remade it from the ground up. And yes it was way slick looking and fast. That car actually took first place for both design and won the races with best time. But it was not mine anymore, my best was not good enough. I learned if I wasn't perfect, I was no good.
I had to be perfect and I couldn't ask questions. I was screwed. Didn't matter what I did it wasn't good enough. Since I was supposed to be perfect I learned to never apologize, I had to be right at all costs! Whether these early teachings helped lead to my addiction don't know and no longer matters.
Early in my recovery remember the first time I apologized to my mother for something. She commented well Mike finally admits he did something wrong. It hurt hearing her say that, I was trying to be better. I didn't yet understand she had been as much a victim of spouse abuse as I had child abuse. At one point I wrote her a long letter, the gist being I loved her but didn't like her and her mutiple ex-husbands or the marshmellow of a husband she now had. Yeah, I called her new husband Don a spineless marshmellow. It took a long time, decades really, for us to fully repair our relationship, we had hurt each other deeply over the years. But thankfully we did before she left this plane of existence. As it turned out that spineless marshmellow turned out to be a wonderful man, she had finally found a gentle, loving and caring partner who was with her for almost 40 years. He was not a marshmellow but rather soft on the inside and knew how to practice hard love if need be. And he stayed and cared for her through her battles with cancer until the end. While repairing my relationship with my mother Don and I also grew to have a good relationship too. He was in no way like her past husbands of my youth.
Today I know perfection is not possible. We seek progress not perfection. Today I can accept constructive criticism. Today I can even ask for help. NA truly has helped me find a better way of life, far beyond not just using drugs. The Steps are powerful tools in my recovery and life today.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Spent way too many years"self sponsoring, didn't work for this addict...Now with help of my support ,a much stronger conviction of seeking my Higher Powers will and turning over to care of(3rd/11th)I am much better able to 'see myself coming" and when not, got lot of support not cosigning my junk!!!!The truth will set you free,but it may first make you angry!!!!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
This reading rings so true of this addict. I spent my whole adult life living in denial and justification of my actions. Today I live in the truth, I learnt that the observations of other recovering addicts was a gift from God, how could I change things about me that I didn't know existed......
