I am quite sure I am not the only one this has happened to but here goes. I left rehab on October 7th. I relapsed a few times since then, then worked real hard for a 30 day chip. The day after I got that chip, I relapsed. While I was really working the program before that chip, I felt God everywhere in my life, I was developing a close relationship with God, going to many, many meetings, picking up the phone and calling my sponsor, etc. For some reason, I started to become lax about it all. The "magic" I felt has left. I stopped going to as many meetings. My prayer was less frequent. I am one of those people that jumps into somethng with enthusiasm and after a while I become bored and give it up. How do I keep the momentum going? I want to be happy, joyous and free but cannot seem to make myself work harder on my recovery. I have seen the goodness that comes about as a result of working the program so I should know better..... What is happening to me?
There is one thing more than anything else that will defeat us in our recovery, an attitude of indifference or intolerance to spiritual principles. Complacency is a powerful weapon the disease of addiction uses against us. My disease wants me to fail, always. The spiritual principles of NA are my shield.
When first Clean it's like a Pink Cloud. We are elated and may think we are suddenly well. As the pink cloud wears off the reality of living clean in our daily lives sets in. We face the wreckage of the past, relationships, jobs, no job, traffic, people, places and things, waking up in the morning, trying to go to sleep, EVERYTHING! How the hell do we keep doing all these things Clean!!!! I knew how to use to live and live to use, how the heck do I live Clean! I didn't have a clue.
I have the disease of addiction for which there is no known cure. The HOW to stay Clean is constant vigilance. It's hard to fall off the edge when you're in the middle, stick with the winners! The middle is NA Service. Who are the winners and how did I find them? I found and continue to find them in the rooms of NA, I can see it their eyes, hear it in their voices. Winners told me work the steps or die! The Steps helped me find and forgive myself. They aren't something to work once and done. The Steps are a lifetime internal work in progress. Through NA Service I learned how to get out of self, how to talk to people, how do even simple daily things I coudn't do when loaded. And through NA Service discovered the blessing of selfless giving, reaping rewards far beyond my feeble imagination.
There are no short cuts. There is no cure from the disease of addiction. However, We DO Recover One Day At a Time. Recovery is a Journey not a Destination.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
the temptation is like eves apple to adam. It will never die. But you have to REFUSE to let yourself bow down to the evil it brings, the numbness of LIFE that GOD has GIVEN YOU.
He brought you here for an answer. The answer is GOD. My mother who I belove so dear fell ill to something similar to an aneurysm. My heart cried, it bled. She cried many days for me to stop and I DIDNT LISTEN. Now that she lays ill in bed my heart cries out to save her, to make her wishes come true.
You must carry on. You DO NOT NEED A NARCOTIC TO SAVE YOU. That is God's job and his job alone.
Faith friend, a kind and loving soul, I myself have quit Heroin, Oxycontins and Methadone. All drugs not from God, but from the false who wants to bring you down. Raise your head and soul high. The Desire for Life is stronger than all. Seek the happiness in giving to society, hapiness, life, like God gave his own to save us.
NA is for NEVER AGAIN. Keep strong friend. Many fell in the trap, and the strong, like us who find ourselves here, are the ones who make it. Save another, you have been already.
Enthusiasm can be brought by kids, a loving mother, a wife, beautiful dreams, a vacation, helping others less fortunate then us who have QUIT the disease of addiction. Overcoming addiction is believing in the visible and invisible. Drugs are an escape. Only because you we did not see the true light of God. Everything happens for a reason, its a lesson. If we truly have pain, like my mother did and refused to take a single endocet, percocet for it, she gave herself to God to heal her. And from certain distress, I see my mother alive and well. Miracles ! Only to those who believe.
Find enthusiasm in other things friend. Recovery is guaranteed, IF you want it. The world is big. God is bigger. Trust him. He truly is perfect. He will give you the answers. Seek him. Seek your loved ones.
Just so there's no confusion for the newcomer, NA is a program based on spiritual principles, a set of principles written so simply we can follow them in our daily lives. NA is not a religious program. Many of us had and have issues with the dogma and hypocrisies of traditional religions. Surrender to a Higher Power is requisite to Recovery, yet you may or may not choose to call your Higher Power a God of your understanding. A God of my understanding, not some religious dogmatic God. I personally call my Higher Power God, you do not have to.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
NA is a simple program for complicated people. We got to meetings, work the steps, have a relationship with our sponsor and other people in recovery, get invovled in service work, and develop a relationship with a higher power. It has been our experience that when we stop doing these things, we use drugs again. Pretty simple. You said it yourself--"you stopped going to as many meetings."
Thanks to all of you!...and Merry Christmas......and Mike, i know the program is based on spiritual principles and my HP is God....i know that. i felt God at my bedside when i was 2 states away in a detox facility.....God has called my name for years and I finally started to hear and to LISTEN....i know that God has a plan for me and that i must accept his will and live life on life's terms not mine....i guess the whole point of my post was losing the "PINK CLOUD" feeling after i had it and it felt so beautiful....i've been going to more meetings and praying more and reading more recovery lit this past week and i do feel better....AND i had the first clean and sober christmas since i was 14 years old....(and now i'm 45).....the irony of it all is this though: in 2 years time i lost my health, my house, my job, went bankrupt, went into detox and rehab, came home from rehab to find out my husband was having an affair with my bestfriend and she was sleeping on my side of the bed wihile i was going through hellish withdrawal in detox.......BUT as a result of sooooooo much loss i have gained so much faith and a renewed spirit and a desire to never again let drugs and alcohol dictate my life...i do not have another relapse in me....i cannot go through that again. ever! love to all....deb
When that pink cloud bursts it can be quite a downer. There is someone in my area who says that the three most important things in recovery are consistency, consistency, and consistency. Our lives were so centered around drugs that life without them seems unnatural. Starting your day with prayer, asking God to help you stay clean today is a great way to start the day. Follow that up with reading some NA literature, then maybe a visit to this website. It's amazing how starting the day in recovery, every day, just for today, gives us a foundation in life and health that can carry us throughout the day. God bless you Deb.
You know some whewre in all of this we have to WILL ourselves to do the neccessary actions that make this in part work.
The WILLingness, honesty and openmindedness are essentials to making this work, and that takes a continuing DESIRE, day in day out hour by minute by second , we cannot let up on this for a moment to long....
