I've been thinking about this for a few days now... It's been 11 days since my return to recovery. And I feel amazing. I didn't feel amazing right after my relapse, but I got a sponsor, went back to meetings, and I have an entirely new perspective on the program and how it fits into my life. I have already, in just 11 days!, learned so much about myself that it makes me think...
While my relapse was a choice, did it happen for a reason - to bring me back to NA, to bring me back to my Higher Power, to bring me to people who need me as much as I need them in this program?
What are your thoughts? Is this just me taking what happened and making it a learning experience? (without conciously realizing it?)
Hi Reesa! two things I find very pertinent in our literature,says after a member having some involvement in our fellowship a relapse can be the jarring experience that brings about a more rigorous application of the program( you feeling it huh!!!) Also tells us that relapse is never an accident it is a sign we have A 'reservation " in our program(think about it) we begin to slight the program,leave loop holes in our daily lives,become complacent,think we can make it on our own etc...I am so glad you are back(many don't make it).11 days ,any day clean for an addict is a miracle....congrats,stay focused,continue to be guided by your higher power ,apply the spiritual pricnciples in your life,continue to read the literature and share as if you life depends on it! Carry our message to the still sick and suffering,the best antidote for our recoveries..(my stuff)....Happy Holidays,to you ,a blessing you will hopefully celebrate free and clean from active addiction..Keep coming back we need you...Have a blessed and productive day!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Thanks, Mike :) I haven't gotten very far in the literature yet (chapter 4, actually), so thank you for sharing that... I'm just amazed at what my Higher Power has given me - hope, faith, love... all things I struggled with before... and while it's difficult, I know that I don't have to have all the answers, because my Higher Power does... ahhhh giddyness!
Hi Reesa, like Mike I'm glad you made it back. For me I try and keep my recovery simple, I don't have to analise every thing these days. Today I can accept things for what they are and be grateful for the lessons I have learned along the way. Like you said today I have faith and hope and a loving higher power to pick me up when I fall......... With my NA family in my life I have a good chance at living life to it's fullest.
Congrats on 11 days clean. Keep coming back! I try not to worry about things happening "for a reason" and I try to focus on the challenges and opportunities that are presented to me. Hopefully your relapse will help you to better understand that you are an addict and can't control your use of drugs.
Thanks, Ruthy & Dave. I love the support I get here and at meetings, so thank you, my NA family! :)
I think you guys are right, I'm over analyzing. I do this in every aspect of my life, so it's a tough thing to let go of... but here is where trust in my Higher Power comes in... Thank you for that reminder.
While I am not proud of my relapse, I do think it's pushed me back on the path I need and want to be on.
Hi Ressiecup, Glad your feeling the glow. Be advised, pink clouds of joy pass just as certainly as do the dark clouds of despair, but ride it as long as it lasts. I'm not sure if everything happens for a reason, but I am sure that my Higher Power is loving and caring. If something bad happens to me, I know that there is a positive outcome that can follow so long as I pursue God's will for me today. I'm enjoying your posts, so please do keep coming back.
Here's why I have trouble with the "everything happens for a reason" idea.
If something good happens to me, then I may say, "well, see, that's God's will for me. It happened for a reason."
But what if something bad happens? Is that also God's will for me? Should I be angry with God? Resentful?
Because I don't want to lure myself into being angry with God everytime something bad happens, I try to not to think that everything in my life happens for a reason.
The bottom line for me is that sh*t happens. Sometimes it's good. Sometime's its bad. What matters is how I respond to it. In the past, my basic response to anything--good or bad--was to do drugs. This worked for a little while but not for very long. If it were still working, I wouldn't be in NA. More good things are happening to me than bad now that I am not using drugs and practicing the 12 steps. God comes into the picture for me in helping me to accept and deal with what happens to me in life. Yes, sh*r happens, but God is still there for me.
Dave, that's very true... my outlook on bad things happening for a reason is that God doesn't want me to suffer, it's that he wants me to learn and grow from these things... I understand the draw to feeling resentment though - so I can see both sides.
