Went to a meeting yesterday and finally realized that listening isn't the same as understanding. As a disclosure, I've been sober exactly 16 days. 16 days I have to admit I spent being confused, angry, and frustrated rather than grateful. Since attending meetings, I have been fixated on all of what I deemed the I can'ts: I can't get high anymore. I can't go to this party or that bar because of the people or the access. I can't do this or that and god know's what I'm gonna do on New Year's.... I was fairly convinced that being sober was the death-knell to fun. Yesterday was not a very good day but I went to a meeting out of desperation and someone said "I didn't get into NA to be miserable." I was literally astounded. It finally dawned on me, being sober isn't about all the things I can't do anymore, it's about getting to do all the things I missed out on while I was living my life to get high. I started using when I was 12 and I've been a fairly steady addict for the 15 years since. There are SO many things I've never done because of my addiction. I left yesterday's meeting (with my temporary sponser) and went to a dance club. And while drinking cranberry juice, I danced my freaking ass off and made an amazing idiot out of myself, my intrinsic lack of rhythm and all. I had pretty much the best time ever. It wasn't about rolling up to be seen with the VIP, fast-life, champagne bottle pretension and disinterest I was obsessed with before. I didn't care about NOT drinking or NOT using or even not fitting in because I was having too much good clean fun to notice. Today I feel so incredibly grateful for being given a second chance because of the NA program. Today, I have the opportunity to for a do-over and it feels a little bit like the opportunities are limitless. I've replaced my "I cant"s with "I get to".... I've been casually told that newbies shouldn't really be sharing b/c we don't really have anything to share other than where the new street corners are so I don't do much in the meetings but sit and try to listen. I hope it's ok to post on this message board--it's kind of a relief to submit what's in my head out into the void...
We keep it by giving it away. You already have a lot to share that may help someone else. No one has any business telling you you shouldn't be sharing. And look at all the I CANs you have now! I CAN not get high. I CAN not go to that bar. I CAN not be miserable on New Years (especially with all the NA events going on, which are so fun! )
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
Thanks for the uplifting post! It is a great blessing to enjoy so many things now clean that I couldn't enjoy when I was using. I don't know about you, but toward the end of my using it was not a lot of fun anymore. I was ready to try something different, and I was surprised and amazed at how good life can be, when I'm not using drugs or alcohol.
The newcommer is the most important person at any meeting. The newcommer reminds us of where we came from and where we could be if we pick up again, don't sell yourself short. I loved what you wrote, I'm still working on "living" without the use of drugs and I'm 2+ yrs clean, so thankyou and please share more........
I can face my family without guilt. I can drive without constantly looking out for the police. I can sleep rather than pass out. I can count my blessings instead of my pills. I can live without fear.
-- Edited by avid on Monday 20th of December 2010 09:53:35 AM
thank you, for sharing that TripleC... that post just made my heart smile. I definitely needed that reminder :)
I can stay awake during the day without having my eyes half closed. I can drive my younger brothers around and listen to their chatter instead of being paranoid. I can relate to so many people on this planet - and not because of addiction, but because of recovery
