I have been clean since November 7th, 2006! Getting by, one day at a time.

I got drunk for the first time when I was 13 on pina colodas when I was supposed to be babysitting my neice and nephew [they were asleep] (I can no longer eat pinapple or coconut as a result of this experience)... my dystfunctional family came home and were "not impressed". I was actually very anti drug until I turned 15 and got my first cluster headache (for more info, look here:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cluster_headache) .. I was then introduced to Vicodin for the first time. I took it, my headache went away, no more issues. No more headaches.

I went to University in Washington DC (3,000 miles away from home). I immediately joined a sorority and got into partying. However, my friends and sorority sisters would always comment on how I would pre-game by myself before pre-gaming with them.. before going to a party and getting drunk.. so I wasn't like normal people. I thought that bringing a bottle full of vodka and orange juice into the shower to drink while I was showering and getting ready was ingenius.. not strange. 

I still wasn't using drugs expcept for smoking pot occasionally, however.. if they had of been infront of me or offered I surely would have accepted.

When I was 19 the headaches came back. I still had my medicine from  when I was 15.  20 pills had been prescribed. 18 were left.  I took another one (this is 4 years since the first one), and I decided that I loved everyone and everything and music was amazing (especially looking up lyrics online).

I found out you could order vicodin online, 120 at a time from a bullshit online pharmacy with a credit card. I spent enough money to pay my rent for month's doing that. I got up to taking 50 or 60 vicodin a day. I tried stopping a few times by myself. It was horrible, but I did it.. but it never lasted long.

I ended up dropping out of school and moving home to las vegas. I moved back in with my mom and started doctor shopping. I was now introduced to percocet. Got up to taking 30 percocet a day.  Found a dealer who dealt me oxycontin. I fell in love. (with the drug, not the dealer). Again, spent more money than one could imagine. Was taking 800 miligrams of oxycontin a day. Weighed about 79 pounds but thought I was hot. Got kicked out of my house. Moved in with an ex boyfriend. I was an asshole. I did nothing but lay in bed, watch tv and doctor shop for two months. He got pissed off (understandably). Moved in with my best friend's parent's... still doing the same thing for a few months. I was still acting like an asshole. Living rent free, eating all their food.. although occasionally they would take me to church and also assign chores (which was good and only fair, I didn't really mind). With the opiates, I basically just wanted to be happy.. sit in bed, watch tv, be left alone. They told me to get an apartment, so I did.

At this point, I started to run out of money for pills, rent and food/gas.. so I decided to call my mom.. we hadn't really been talking very much since the whole "move out of the house and I never want to see you again, " thing. I told her I wanted to go to detox. I went to this place that was like a half detox half mental ward. The first night I spent the night in the mental ward. Next for two more days (possibly 3, i dont remember) I was in the detox ward with other addicts. After these few days, I convinced the doctor I was well enough to leave. I relapsed in the parking lot. But, the next day I went to my first NA meeting and got a sponsor.

She was great. I spent most nights at her house until 3 in the morning, talking after going to meetings. I started dating people in rooms (uh-oh!) - people who had been to prison.. not the straight laced honor students I had dated before.

I was relapsing now and then but still going to meetings, lying about being clean.

My rent started to add up, as did the lack of money and need for pills. I started to do things I never thought I would do and wouldn't wish on my worst enemy to get money.

Next, I had an NA member move in with me as my 'boyfriend' but he was really more my hostage to help pay the rent. He was an ex convict nazi... lovely. We would fight all the time, verbally. He smashed my face into a wall. I broke my tooth.

I continued to do more unspeakable (not here, but in general) things to get money to continue my addiction. I didn't get high anymore.. I just needed it to feel normal. I stopped going to meetings, stopped calling my sponsor. I stopped answering the phone to my friends and family. I spoke to the nazi, doctors and my dealer. I was flagged by the DEA 3 times.  I went to bed every night wishing I wouldn't wake up the next morning.

One night, I came home after going to the movies.. I had a drink (pepsi, not alcohol) . The next NIGHT I woke up in the ICU handcuffed to a bed, delusional with my mom next to me (hadn't seen her in months) crying, and my sponsor as well.I was told there were also several NA members in the waiting room who had been there all day, but they wouldn't let them see me since they weren't related, but they stayed to get updated (AWESOME people). Anyway,  I was very confused and didn't know what happened, but I knew that I hadn't done anything wrong (that I could remember) and I DIDN'T like being handcuffed to the bed. I kept talking about ice-cream, but I remember wondering why I was doing that.. however, I could not stop. Very weird. I asked a nurse over once I came a bit back more into reality and i told him that I needed to be unhandcuffed because I had to urinate, he explained to me that that was impossible because I had a cathater inserted.I looked down. He was right. I had been unaware.  I told him I had to go number 2. He uncuffed me. I immediately tried to punch him in the face (I'm not a violent person but I chalk this up to being handcuffed and confused). He caught my hand and yelled at me. Fair enough.

It turned out that my 'boyfriend' had given me the date rape drug and I started having grand mal seizures in the morning. He called an ambulance, called my sponsor, located my mom and booked it.

After that things went from bad to worse. Heroin, Amphetimies, Benzos, etc.

I eventually hit bottom.

I went to rehab in Vancouver and my life started over. Completely. I was 21 on Nov, 7, 2006. My clean date.

I know I am not supposed to tell war stories and we don't care what or how we used or who our connections were.. but this is my story.

I am now living in Dubai, but moving to toronto soon. I will also be spending time in england in the late winter/early spring.


More than happy to help others / be helped. Life CAN be good again. Very good.

-- Edited by Linds C on Tuesday 14th of December 2010 12:53:14 AM

-- Edited by Linds C on Tuesday 14th of December 2010 01:00:19 AM