I remember when i first came into the rooms and learned about the steps. I used to think that I would never make financial amends. Period. no way. NEVER!!!!!!
well we work the steps in order for a reason. Each step, if worked sincerely brings a degree of spirituality that readies us for the next step.
At step 9 we make amends, including financial.
A number of years ago I went bankrupt. Most of the creditors were anonymous banks, credit card companies etc. But one was a friend who also provided professional services to me and my family. Stiffing him out of his payments has been bothering me for a long time. Long story short. I sent him an installment on what I owed. He cashed the check without comment. Ok, I would have loved for him to have sent me a note praising me blah blah blah. (sigh, we addicts ... y'know?) but after a moment I just started to feel happy. I'm kinda tight assed when it comes to money, and believe this dude, does NOT need the cash. But as I was told we make amends for ourselves. Our self esteem grows as we make right the wreckage of our past.
How true this is. It will take me years to pay him back all i owe, but I will do it.
I like the me that the program of narcotics anonymous has helped me become.
I think that is awesome. I am having some of the same issues myself, but have not made the financial ammends yet.. My question is, let's say that you owe a ton of money to credit cards and hospitals (hospitals mainly, I was into pills).. what do you do?
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"It'll be a good day.. just wait and see." - Jewel
Hi Linds and welcome. I see that you have been clean since 2006.. congratulations on staying clean 'just for today' that many days. I would speak to my sponsor. She is the first person to discuss this sort of thing with. Ironically, my sponsor told me that because I included this person in my bankruptcy that I didn't owe amends. I was glad to hear this but I remained troubled. This person was more than a mere professional, he was a family friend. I also included banks, and big retail chains in my bankruptcy but do not have guilt about them. I doubt if I will make any financial amends to them, but one never knows. The issue for me was that not making amends to this person was like an anchor around my neck. The guilt and the shame were dragging on me. I remember thinking about my owing him when I first read step 9 years ago. So again, we make amends for ourselves. We clear our conscience by making right, to the best extent possible the wrongs and damage we committed while in active addiction. As always the literature says it best "We are achieving freedom from the wreckage of our past" Hope to hear more from you.
Hey there, Thank you for the advice. I have been having sponsorship problems for a while now because I am living in Dubai and there are only 3 NA meetings a week.. with the same 6 people (plus me) going to them that I have been hearing saying the exact same things at these exact same meetings for the last 3 years (resentful? Me ? Never! ;) ) . And.. there are 2 women.. one is a lady who is about 65 years old and her drug of choice was "anti-depressants' - that's it. She has tried to tell me that she feels exactly the same way I feel after taking an anti depressant, such as prozac, as I did taking heroin. So-- we just didn't really see eye to eye. Nice lady, but I didn't feel that I could relate. The other lady sponsors every woman in the middle east, practically (the AA way.. but, uh, whatever floats your boat) and when I asked her to sponsor me (she was my first choice) she said no (due to being too busy) and referred me to the 66 year old lady (who she sponsor's herself). BLAH. So, I knew I still had to get help. So, I started going to the AA meetings here.. which they have every day. It is quite hard for me to relate sometimes. I still go to the NA meetings 3 times a week and the AA meetings a couple of other times (or if I really need one).. and I got a sponsor in there (again, set on doing the steps the AA way, but that makes sense since she is a member of AA).. and like, a couple things went wrong. First, I don't think the steps are comprehensive enough, or the way they do them. I don't know. Plus she kept wanting me to get on my knees and pray, and I got sober in Las Vegas and Vancouver, and people don't just like force you on your knees to talk to God there - I dunno. Anyway, after we did my 'fourth step' she started getting weird. She said that I was relapsing when I took tylenol. Seriously. I guess she thought that since my drug of choice was pain pills that that counted? I don't know. This happened about six months ago. Since then, we still keep in contact, and have been working on the steps (again) but our relationship isn't as tight as it would be if I the whole fight about tylenol had never happened. I kinda lost faith and trust, because she was seriously screaming at me for taking tylenol- and one of the problems is that I do have a problem of constant pain - what got me into the pills in the first place.. and so I feel like if I am taking tylenol instead of percocet or oxycontin or heroin for my pain that I should be getting a f*ckng pat on the back.. do you know what I mean?
I know this has kind of gone off topic. Sorry.
I guess for the reasons above is why I am asking about the other stuff. I did my damage in america, but am planning on moving back to canada so clean slate - credit wise.
I don't really feel the slightest bit bad about the credit card companies, etc - should I? I suppose a person with a conscience would? And I DEFINITELY do not feel bad about the hospitals, but I kind of have this nagging feeling like if I had some guidance -- things would generally be better.
I have a lot of personal financial amends to make as well, however I am going to wait until I can get back to the land of normality and hopefully track the people down and give it to them in person.. I understand, also that these things will take years and years to pay off.
Just wondering.. did you send a note with the check?
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"It'll be a good day.. just wait and see." - Jewel
haha as soon as I can get out of here. my passport expired and they said my birthcertificate is no longer valid because it has a 'water mark' on it, so I have to order a new one from the canadian government, get it sent here, re-apply for the passport and then get out. I really want to go to goa, and india in general.. i have met so many nice people here from there. where about's are you located?
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"It'll be a good day.. just wait and see." - Jewel
Hey Don! way to go ,just like our 12th step says' all the literature and words are "meaningless" unless we put the active change into our lives..we can make small steps that continue to boost our faith and belief in our spiritual principles!Working on something instead of something working on us....yes sir..........
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hi Linds, I know how it can get at meetings w/same folks and same old stories. But, if we are working a program, we can share about the here and now and how it helped us today! This would make it more interesting because there should be a new shared experience at every meeting. I also find it personally refreshing to get humble in a meeting and maybe share a secrete about myself that I have found peace with. Dont forget......its really all about you!!lol:) yes it can be a selfish program. cya hun.....Jim , fellow addict.
thanks jim, it means a lot. good advice.. im makin it.. it is just.. difficult at times. I agree about the secrets though.. but the people here are a bit gossippy. not so much what you see here, when you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here.. so i have been holding back a bit. but at least i am trying to branch out online, i guess? :)
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"It'll be a good day.. just wait and see." - Jewel
lol....if you leave it here, it will stay here...ALL OVER THE INTERNET!!ILMAO...hey, If there not gossipin, your not growing:). Yes, your branching out and growing by posting here, as I have grown in the 5 days since joining here!!
CONGRATS BROTHER - YEP FINANCIAL AMENDS IS NECESSARY - MYSELF HAD TO LEARN THAT A COUPLE YEARS AGO..SHIT I DONE IN THE 80'S WAS STILL HAVING ME DO THE WALK OF SHAME - COULD NOT PASS THIS PLACE WITHOUT SOME SORT OF HIDING GOING ON WITH ME - I FELT FREEDOM WHEN JUST LAST YEAR I WENT TO MAKE AN AMENDS TO THIS BUSINESS - AND GUESS WHAT THE OWNER NO LONGER OWNED BUSINESS - - BUT THE FREEDOM WAS THE WILLINGNESS - SO I APPLAUD YOU MY BROTHER - ALSO VERY PROUD OF YOU
Thanks guys. I slept like a baby last night and woke with a peace that is rare for me. I know I did the right thing for my recovery, by finally making this amend. Feisty... you have such a great way with words.....
SHIT I DONE IN THE 80'S WAS STILL HAVING ME DO THE WALK OF SHAME - COULD NOT PASS THIS PLACE WITHOUT SOME SORT OF HIDING GOING ON WITH ME
I have felt this way so many times in my life.....Tired of it. Will do whatever it takes to walk without fear....just for today.
I am having the same issues only different creditors. Some are hospitals since my addiction led to some medical problems. Some I don't even remember the name but remember I owed somebody. Some I have stolen from (businesses). I don't think I will ever make enough to repay all these people. I don't make that much & on a fixed income...What do I do?
