In the long run I have found that God's way is easier...it is me fighitng it that makes it seem harder. I tend to get in my own way instead of just trusting what I receive, or do not receive, in the actualization of my 11th step. More often than not I have an itch to mess with it and therein begins the fruitless journey back into life on Lee's terms.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
I tend to get in my own way instead of just trusting what I receive, or do not receive, in the actualization of my 11th step.
Thanks for sharing that. And it gets more complicated for this addict than that when I tend to equate what my head says, what my thoughts supply me, to be 'me' and 'mine'! It's not until I did my first Fourth and Fifth did I actually get a basic understanding of what is 'me', what 'I' is - the dopefiend within me telling me what to do or what I truly desire from the heart, how I feel in my gut, my conscience...
The simplest way to go about living life on life's terms is to wade my way through the daily happenings with the help of the Steps, this leads me to come in touch with the true 'me' and my true desires, and how to go about it all...
The complication for me begins when I reject the best for me and instead choose to make it difficult, by rejecting the Steps and choosing to use my defects instead, that's where I tend to fall into this selective and delusional thinking that applying Steps in a situation is impossible, complicated or impractical. My array of justifications, rationalizations and denial kicks in, convincing me to believe that using my defects here in this situation is the right thing to do, that somehow it's more simpler. Thus start my troubles as I embrace complication as the way of life, unleashing unmanageability in abundance into my life
Believe me, I've wasted my time and energy fighting with strangers on the road over some traffic issue, spent sleepless nights hating a fellow member, spend many days in apathy and depression romancing with melancholy, press hard for good sales in my attempt to make more money, trying to control my relationship and my spouse with the help of my defects, hell, I couldn't even convince my dog to stop jumping up on me whenever I show up... it was not easy my way at all...
On the other hand, I have found the strength to brave many a crisis in my recovery, with a lot of peace and sanity, be it despair/hopelessness, family issues, relationship conflicts, losing my job, losing a loved one to death, conflicts in NA service or gossip/slander etc. merely due to the fact that I somehow was able to allow the Steps to work for me, in my life, by relinquishing my control and instead dealing with my hurt/pain/anger... and that was so easy, so simple...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
life on Gods terms works every time. How do I know ? because my ways the easy way Gods is more difficult LOLOLOL.
