sometimes i wonder how i coulda made some of these choices in my life i get so mad at myself specialy when i think of all the money ive spent on this horrible addiction when it coulda went to way more important things like my kids or getting my car fixed ..u know stuff like that but i always would make excuses like its only 20$ i spend that on fast food and have nothing to show for it so whats the difference i know there is a huge difference im just now starting to realize that ..when i think about all the times ive said its only 20$ -- how much would all those 20 dollar bills add up to its scarry .. SO ASHAMED
I completely understand how you feel. The promises tell us "We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it."
Don't beat yourself up over mistakes of the past. When you start to feel the guilt/shame try to focus on a positive choice you can make for today, just for today.
Things will start to get better as you continue to work the program and keep making good/better choices for yourself and your kids.
It's important to remember where we came from but not continually dwell on past mistakes.
In Narcotics Anonymous there is only one promise. "Any addict can stop using and lose the desire to use drugs" It has proven itself in my life and can in yours as well. As for regrets about past mistakes...... "The solution is in the steps." By surrendering to our disease and the program of Narcotics anonymous we begin a journey of self exploration and transformation. If we work the steps to the best of our ability and incorporate their spiritual principles into all aspects of our lives then we can know freedom from guilt and shame regarding our past, and fear of the future. This is a tall order so 'easy does it', but the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. Go to meetings, find a sponsor, work the steps. What have you got to lose?
Good to see ya! In OUR PROGRAM "OUR MESSAGE IS HOPE AND OUR PROMISE IS FREEDOM FROM ACTIVE ADDICTION.C'mon and join us,find a 'new way to live" a day at a time.........WWW.NA.ORG...check it out,better yet check site for meeting near you! Have a blessed and productive day!.
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I also wasted a ton of money on drugs. Though I don't want to dwell on this, it is important for me not to forget this, so I won't repeat that mistake. I need to always remember the negative side of drug/alcohol use, because my addiction will try to get me to deny/forget the bad things.
Stay in today get out of the past its gone, right here right now is allllll that matters.
I know a guy who spent 4 million dollars in just a few short years so we got nothing on that guy LOL. I spent $3,000 in 10 days once on crack, boooze and whoes, just forget about it and deal with what lifes brings to the table now, thats going to be enough to deal with, and stay clean dont let thoughs thoughts of oh well it doesnt matter stay long, stay positive, toss out suggestions that your addiction will serve you its, a con game ...
Perceiving my addiction as a disease, not a moral dilemma, helped me a lot, especially when I worked my first step, the disease-concept part of it... It made me understand that I was not a bad person, that I was not an evil person, I was merely sick!
Just like my father had cancer, and just like my mother has diabetes, I have a disease of addiction! I don't need to be ashamed of my disease, neither did my father, or my mother needs to be ashamed of her disease
We are not responsible for our disease, we are responsible only for our recovery!
In my Sixth Step first time around with my Sponsor, I was told that if guilt and shame are there in me regarding something, they are there to tell me something, to show me something which I need to pick up, learn and grow; to go deeper than my 4th Step inventory and address it with the help of my Sponsor, to look into what it exactly was all about, to be able to let go of it...
And thank God, this program gifted me the 8th and 9th Steps, I could actually make amends and liberate myself from the clogging that my past has created within me.
Like one of us shared above, today, my past, my 15 years of destructive using, is a great treasure chest from where I draw from to live my present in meaningful and content ways. I'm grateful for everything that happened, everything that I lost and destroyed, today I at least get a permission to be something different as a result, with complete freedom... Working the NA Program (the 12 Steps) with the help of a Sponsor has liberated me from all kinds of deep stuff that I used to think I could never get rid of, I thought I will have to carry all that dark stuff all my life until I die... Then I came to know that most of us in NA have thought the same, but have found a process to address, heal and let go of it all in NA
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I suppose, even if Id known about the trouble that was to come, I still would have used and done all those things too. This is the INSANITY of the dis-ease !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I'm new to this to and can't give any advice because that would be dishonest to you and me so i wil tell you what i would want to hear. I am a 27 year old father and am struggling with addiction in no diffrent way than you, it's easy to slip thru the cracks and hard as hell to peek up when the sun shines thru them, so keep on asking question and you will keep finding answers, sooner or later you will be you again this will not mean you will forget, you will just forgive yourself and so will the people who love you
hang in there, shed the past, do not fear tomorrow, live in the moment, and you will make it a day at the time. this moment is what we have, believe and trust...
Its funny how we are thinking alike, I wuz just talking to somebody about that, I said I feel so bad just thinking of all the money that I wuz spending on that horrible habit and how I could of ended up with nice things. but no i would instead wanna spend it on that stuff. It just makes me hella sick when I think back to those days. But I know deep down inside that that will never happen again. And I hope you feel that way too
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