ok I am coming to terms my way is getting me no where but the bad part is I already knew this stuff but now I have to put it back into action yesI am powerless YES unmanagable ok ok I surrenser my will and my life over to the care of Gods as I understand him that wasn't too hard now to I believe could and would if he were sought I know AA talk but that is where Istarted when Iwas 15 So I take what I can and leave the rest I think I have started on the right path also realizing my addiction can come out in many other aspects ( relatioships, money, shopping) I think you get the point but the fact is yes I am taking my first step to heart finally
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
It all starts with the first step. Good for you Manon. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and oh yeah.......... DON'T PICK UP NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!!! LOL.....yep that's about the size of it.
I get where your coming from Manon, I was in and out of the rooms for 20yrs worked the first step more times than I care to remember, but knowing something and feeling something were 2 different things for me. Today I have no reservations in my programme, I truely feel that I am powerless over my addiction. Surendering gave me the freedom that I have been searching for.
Step One, for me, means that I can't control my use of mind/mood altering chemicals--moderation is not possible for me--and my life has become a mess as result of my addiction. It is the beginning of recovery. To work this step, I have to get honest about how I have used drugs and alcohol and what they have done to my life.
Manon ,We all started with that first step.Just go slowly ,it is not easy I went through hell the first year clean and I had a great bunch of addicts to support me and help me understand how to change.
I was taught by many "old timers" that if I wanted what was promised in living the 12 steps I was not doing myself any good by picking and choosing which parts I wanted and which I could just leave out. It's way 2 EZ that way to talk the talk while not walking the walk.
The last few years I've been hearing more and more people say there are no "musts" in NA . (Take what you want and leave the rest.) Here is something Big V posted a while ago, which I get a lot out of every time I read it (and apply it).
FORTY-EIGHT MUSTS IN NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS as found in the Basic Text
1. "Everything that occurs in the course of N.A. service MUST be motivated by the desire to more successfully carry the message of recovery to the addict who. still suffers. - pg. XVI
2. "We MUST always remember that as individual members, groups, and service committees we are not and should never be in competition with each other." pg. XVI
3. "We MUST face our problems and our feelings." - pg. 15
4. "We are people with the disease of addiction who MUST abstain from all drugs in order to recover." - pg. 18
5. "A second admission MUST be made before our foundation is complete." pg. 21 Explanation: It is not enough to admit that we are powerless over drugs, we MUST also admit that our lives had become unmanageable.
6. "We MUST be done with the past and not cling to it." - pg. 28'
7. "Assets MUST also be considered, if we are to get an accurate and complete picture of ourselves." - pg. 28
8. "Although He already knows, the admission MUST come from our own lips to be truly effective. Step five is not simply a reading of step four." - pg. 31
9. & 10. "We MUST carefully choose the person who is to hear our fifth step.' We MUST make sure that they know what we are doing and why we are doing it." - pg. 31
11. "We MUST be exact." - pg. 32
12. " We MUST realize that we are not perfect." - pg. 3 5
13. "Our experience tells us that we MUST become willing this step will have any effect." - pg. 36 (step eight)
14. "We MUST separate what was done to us from what we did to others." - pg. 37
15. "As with each step we MUST, be thorough." - pg. 38
16. "We MUST remember the pain that they have known." - pg. 40
17. " It is said that for meditation to be of value, the results MUST show in our daily lives." - pg. 46
18. "We MUST give freely and gratefully that which has been freely and gratefully given to us." - pg. 47
19. "Our disease involved much more than just using drugs, so our recovery MUST involve much more than simple abstinence." - pg. 53
20. "We MUST give up this old concept and face the fact that reality and life go on, whether we choose to accept them or not." - pg. 53
21. & 22. "When we are prepared, we MUST try out our newly found way of life. We learn -the program won't work when we try to adapt it to our life. We MUST learn to adapt our life to the program." - pg. 55
23. "Unity is a MUST in Narcotics Anonymous." - pg. 60
24. "We MUST live and work together as a group to ensure that in a storm our ship does not sink and our members do not perish." - pg. 60
25. "We MUST be constantly on guard that our decisions are truly an expression of God's will." - pg. 61
26. "An atmosphere of recovery in our groups is one of the most valued assets, and we MUST guard it carefully, lest we lose it to politics and personalities." - pg. 61
27. "We MUST remember that officers have been Placed in trust that we are trusted servants, and that at no time do any of us govern." - pg. 61
28. "Our Sixth Tradition tells us some of the things we MUST do to preserve and protect our primary purpose." - pg. 66
29. "We MUST first understand what N.A. is. Narcotics Anonymous is addicts who have the desire to stop using, and have joined together to do so." - pg. 70
30. "In order to achieve our spiritual aim, Narcotics Anonymous MUST be known and respected." - pg. 71
31. "To improve ourselves takes effort and since there is no way in the world to graft a new idea on a closed mind, an opening MUST be made somehow." - pg. 75
32. "We MUST relearn many things that we have forgotten and develop a new approach to life if we are to survive." - pg. 77
33. "We realize we MUST do something." - pg. 78 (read the prior sentences)
34. "When we feel the old urges come over us, we think there MUST be something wrong with us, and that other people in Narcotics Anonymous couldn't possibly understand." - pg. 79
35. "We come here powerless and the power that we seek comes to us through other people in Narcotics Anonymous, but we MUST reach out for it." - pg. 79
36. "Recovery found in Narcotics Anonymous MUST come from within, and no one stays clean for anyone but themselves." - pg. 80
37. "if we have relapsed it is important to keep in mind that we MUST get back to meetings as soon as possible." - pg. 80
38. "We MUST totally surrender ourselves to the program." - pg. 81
39. "We MUST use what we learn or we will lose it in a relapse." - pg. 81
40. "We MUST, use what we learn or we will lose it, no matter how long we have been clean." - pg. 82
41. "Eventually we are shown that we MUST get honest or we will use again." - pg. 82
42. "We MUST smash the illusion that we can do it alone." - pg. 82
43. "Staying clean MUST always come first." - pg. 82
44. "Some things we MUST accept, others we can change." - pg. 92
45. "We MUST be willing to do whatever is necessary to recover." - pg. 93
46. "We never know when the time will come when we MUST put forth all the effort and strength we have just to stay clean." - pg. 93
47. "No matter how painful life's tragedies can be for us, one thing is clear we MUST not use no matter what!" - pg. 98
48. "In order to receive we MUST be willing to give." - pg. 102
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
Lee there are something like 52-56 MUST in the AA book LOL people get pissed at me because I say YOU MUST OR ELSE, the or else is of course my own experience and you usually ends with the word RELAPSE, or NOTHING CHANGES.
that wasn't too hard now to I believe could and would if he were sought 
