all the frustration having some one aqround who presente them self very different than when I met him he is a complete ass but that was not how he was when we met I angry hurt and frusterated he has no place to go and i am not mean enough to tell him to grt out fml sucidal thoughts are running umuck in my brain still wonering how i got to 37 when i wasn't supposed to make 36 I am tired and just wanna get it (life) over with there is too much shit (drama) than i care to deal with
__________________
Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Hey Manon! first start ,share how your feeling,,,your life is at risk,I can only suggest that its not about "being mean enough" its about your life.tHERE IS ALWAYS SOMEPLACE WE FIND TO GO,JUST LIKE WE WERE ALWAYS ABLE TO COP!!Have you checked in with your doctor???I was 37 when I used my last choice to go on to the end as I was or surrender totally and find a "new way'..You have been through much tougher times than this,dig deep,don't allow another persons actions,behaviors or your expectations of them take you over the edge!We all get weary and tired but were only here for a fleeting moment so I can only suggest,make the decision that keeps you "alive and moving forward and 'LET IT RIDE'!!! oUR LITERATURE TELLS US 'relationships can be 'TERRIBLY' painful areas...Its 5:30 a.m here in PK AND Im heading out to my tree stand for hunting season,i SPEND A LOT OF TIME IN PRAYER,MEDITATION AND THOUGHTS OF OTHERS,yOU WILL BE HIGH ON THE LIST THIS MORNING!bRINGING YOUR PETITIONS BEFORE GOD CAN BRING A PEACE THAT SURPASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING!! wHEN i GET HOME TONIGHT i'LL CHECK BACK IN,see how your doing!! In the meantime.....grab my hand....let's pray together,,,,,,and this too shall pass!!
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I see my doctor on monday at 11 15 so I will bring up this shit and see what is going on he will be proud that I actually worked the state fair even tho health wize was not the best idea the deppresion has not gotten better I have my days this person is supposed to start work monday that way they are not in my face 24 7 I don't know how married ppl do this I am going stir crazy.....
__________________
Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Yes we are FEELINGS people, we react to those feelings negatively most often, want to die and cover them over with a blanket of drugs , NUMB ourselves out at any cost.
Well there is a solution other then giving into those destructive actions, its in the book the plan of action is written out for us, it can save but if you don't read the book, use the suggestion you'll get the same results you always do.
Each of us is left have the responsibilty to take responsibilty for our recovery, we can no longer BLAME people, places and things for our addiction, We MUST face our problems and our feelings... ( and thats right out of the book of NA ) Why we are here.
If it's a problem get rid of " courage to change the things I can " pray for strength and guidance and it will be given.
Hang in there manon seek the guidance that is in the book start from the begining if you must but start getting some power in your life, we're all very troubled but spiritual guidance and experience from other addicts will help but you have to put action behind the knowledge otherwise its worthless, Love you.
Manon,No drastic thinking you have been through a lot ,do not let this defeat all the good you have done.If you have you may have to tell him he has to go,it is not easy,just keep up your faith.
