WHAT I HAVE LEARNED IS THAT WE DO CAUSE HARM WHEN WE BASH, BE NON-SUPPORTIVE OR EVEN IGNORE OUR WOUNDED. I HAVE TO OWN - THAT I HAVE DONE THAT - I REALLY HAD TO LOOK AT IT THIS WEEK - SOMEONE CLOSE IS GOING THRU A ROUGH TIME - AND I CAN BE SUPPORTIVE AND LOVING - BUT I SEE OTHERS BEING PRETTY HARSH, AND TIRED OF WALKING IT OUT AND HOW IT BRINGS UP ISSUES FOR THEM. I GET THAT - BUT WE DON'T JUST LEAVE - ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE STILL CLEAN - AND REALLY GOING THRU IT..ANOTHER INSTANT ONE OF OUR MEMBERS WHO I AM NOT FOND OF - BUT I NEVER GIVE EYE CONTACT - REALLY TRY TO AVOID - DON'T WANT TO SPARK NO KIND OF CONVERSATION - JUST TOTALLY IGNORE - IS GOING THRU SOMETHING - I REALLY HAD TO LOOK AT MY BEHAVIOR - SO I REACHED OUT. I HAVE TOLD MYSELF AND HOPE I STAY TRUE TO IT. WHEN AN ADDICT IS IN TROUBLE - I REACH OUT WITH THE HELP OF NA - AND ALWAYS REMEMBER WHAT NA REALLY LOOKS LIKE - WHEN I WALKED INTO THE ROOMS OF NA - NA WAS THERE AS A WHOLE - AND TODAY I REALLY WANT TO BE PART OF THE WHOLE - BOI - WAS I NOT ONLY SHOOTING THE WOUNDED (THE WOUNDED CLEAN FOLKS) BUT I WAS NOT SPEAKING TRUTH INTO THEM - NOW WHAT IF EVEN TODAY IN MY LIFE - IF NO ONE SPOKE TRUTH INTO MY LIFE I TRULY WOULD BE SCREWED. I AM NOT SAYING I GIVE UP SELF TO HELP - BUT I HAVE TO BE WILLING TO SERVE AS THOSE WHO WERE WILLING TO REACH OUT TO ME..I KNOW I WASN'T THE MOST PLEASANT NOR SANE PERSON WHEN I GOT TO NA..AND SOMEDAYS STILL NOT..BUT RARELY DO I GET SHUNNED. SO I HAVE RECOMMITED IN THIS AREA OF MY LIFE. I LOVE NA AND I AM GRATEFUL THE STEPS HELP ME GET TO A PLACE OF SELF AWARENESS.
It is important to welcome any addict seeking recovery into NA. I try to do this as as I can. It is not always easy, though. Principles before personalities!
Teri, you really hit on one of the hardest aspects of our program. We need to be spiritual in all our dealings, yet we are always soooo human. I got really pissed off yesterday. Another NA member asked me to give him a ride to a meeting. No problem, except when I get to meet up place he is not there. I call him and he says he is not going to the meeting. No call, just let me sit there. I told my sponsor (who also sponsors this guy) and said "He just burned a bridge". My sponsor said "have some patience" So now I'm stuck between self righteous justification, or being a doormat in the name of spiritual principles. I'm praying on it.
feisty that is a saying i've heard in our rooms here too.
The same stuff goes on with me and in our fellowship, takes great patience to deal with other addicts and alcoholics and some who are sicker then others but the bottom line is we are all pretty damned sick people.
Once we heal spiritually the rest often heals with it so focus on the spiritual side of the program in all our affairs, and that aint easy all the time.
I had a new comer with me for 2-1/2 days recently and I pointed out some things I saw that were very sensitive to him. He felt like I was picking on him , he felt like I was attacking him and his personality. Then I explained something to him he may not have known, HE'S NOT SO UNIQUE , I had and still struggle with the same things he does mine just dont show as much, i've worked hard at being social, just a little friendly and open to others. I dont sit around brooding all the time and i'm not a victim anymore.
Theres a huge dynamic thing going on when you get a bunch of us together LOL it can get real strange but we do get well, we do help and end up loving each other even the ones we dont like .
I just try to keep it simple and not judge others to harshly, if I wasn't sick myself i wouldn't be where i'm at, HERE...
-- Edited by BigV on Saturday 16th of October 2010 09:02:12 AM
I ask myself, am I willing to go to any lengths? And I ask sponsees the same thing. And I watch and listen to others...are they or are they not? Yes, I am judgmental about it. My life depends on my using good judgment today...I can't afford to be pulled down into the hole that someone else refuses to climb out of, even with help.
Truth does not have to exclude compassion, and should not, but compassion without truth is not very helpful. I have found that there is a lot of room to move between self-righteous justification and being a doormat. Our 11th step helps us discern what may not be so clear to our human vision.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
i find myself drawn into this subject i have been judgeing of other addicts in their time of need and with this push i think i need to work on being alot more charitable in my outlook on other struggleing addics
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some of us win some of us lose with god and this program i will be a winner
My thought's exactly Lee. It may seem harsh but my sanity is important to me today and going around and around with someone just drags me into thier insanity. Sometimes it's better for all concerned to take a step back.......
Thanks for share Feisty! One of my favorite pastimes is running and I always run as fast as I can to my Higher Power when my circuits are sparking,and ask to be used in His way and time and then decide to take whatever action I do ,even if it is just a hug with no more than that,,a real hug!!! Sometimes I can be blinded by my own thoughts and actions and have to put my trust in a Power greater than me! I have a short coming of "always looking for the con" and have to be aware of that.......but I really do want to reach out.........
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Spot on Terry. i was witness over three days at the Regional meeting on how we hurt older members like me and then try and shoot em down after wounding them..
"let these older bastards bleed to a slow death" seems to be the refrain of younger members. I was at the other end of their defects and was quick to realize ther were actingf out of dis-ease..
Im hurt as hell and judgemental,,,,but i did opbserve anyways that they were smoking a lot of cigaretts, eating way more than required and also no exercise but lots of coffe shop gossip and character assasination.. Then after tha first nite out in town I said nuffs nuff and stayed away. That seems to have got them buzzing like i was a bee in their bonnet..
Im glad I had supportive friends too, shwoing me that being an older RCM could be difficult but I was not exactly on holiday,,these service meetings, at least in this region, sometimes brings out the worst !!
But yeah,, oldtimers have learnt that it is to their advantage to love their best and never fear their worst !!
A simple hug at the end and I ws winning back all the lost self-esteem..
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
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