I put myself in Detox the end of August and I must start attending NA meetings or my Doctor will stop treating me. I'm having terrible anxiety about going. There's so much shame for me. I am 55 yr. old married woman who has held leadership roles in major corporations. I feel like I should have known better ! I have a list of meeting sites and times in my area but just the thought of walking in makes me nauseous. I know so many of you are shaking your head at me and wondering just why I have thiscomplex. But for me the feeling is real and very scary. Has anyone felt this way and how do you work past it?
Welcome Delinn! Welcome home from the rest of us who "should've known better" as well as those of us who "did" know better and relapsed anyway.
I remember laying in the floor on a matress in the living room balling my eyes out during (not after) my last relapse telling my girlfriend at the time: "I fuckin' hate being me!"
I established my first clean date November 22, 1979. My current clean date is April 3, 1989. I remember when I established that clean date I was embarrassed to tell people because I had relapsed the date seemed too new. The one before that was 8/17/1987.
They told me when I got here that I wasn't responsible for my disease, I am however, responsible for my recovery.
Glad you're here!
-- Edited by JoeB on Monday 4th of October 2010 10:39:18 AM
Welcome Delinn! We are people who share a common factor ,"ADDICTION".No matter how we get here the important thing is "we are here"...You will learn about your disease and realize that we are people although our physical and mental tolerance plays a factor it is our reaction to drugs that make us addicts,not how much we use..There were points for all of us "when we should have known better"at the end we did and it still made no difference!Feel the love of the fellowship,understand we suffer from physical,mental and spiritual illness that manifests itself in all areas of our lives! You have a heavy load to carry but remember "we" do this together and you will need to take care of yourself or eventually you will be no help to anyone anyway!You are on the road to a 'new way of life" one day at a time,it will take some work,but it will get better and more will continually be revealed!!! In support and prayer,keep coming back,let us know how the first meeting went"Identify" ,you've earned your seat!!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hi Delinn. I understand where you are coming from. I drove past or around the building several times before actually working up the nerve to attend a meeting. Self centered fear is the core of our disease. It gets better. It really does. You will be pleasantly surprised at the greeting you will receive. Go, introduce as a newcomer, and ask for help. It's that simple.....not easy at first, but simple. We here are a great network of support. Lot's of feel good fellowship. If you wish, go to NA.org. follow the link for "find a meeting" click on the helpline links. Depending on the area, you may find a very understanding person who can connect you to other women in recovery who can drive you to, or arrange to meet you at a meeting. some people find this helpful. Me?....I was too scared. I wanted to be invisible in case I felt the need to bolt out the door. I didn't. I came, I got a sponser a support/home group. I work the steps, talk to my higher power and keep coming back to meetings. It is the best decision I ever made. Give yourself a break, and join us in recovery. what have you got to lose? peace.
Hi Delinn and welcome........It's your disease that's stopping you from going to meeting's, it doesn't want you to get well.......Don't let your Disease win. Once you've done it you'll wonder what all the fuss was about. I know that's how I felt......
Welcome. I was anxious too about going to my first meeting but people were welcoming and understanding and really seemed to care. I also began to see that we had much in common, even though we had very different backgrounds and used different drugs. I hope you make it too a meeting soon.
WELCOME TO NA..WE ALL HAD TO START 1 DAY CLEAN..WE ALL HAD TO WALK INTO THE ROOMS (THAT FIRST DAY). YOU WILL BE SURPRISE THE FOLKS THAT SHOW UP IN NA. WE ARE ADDICTS WITH A PROBLEM..SO TO PUT IT BLUNTLY YOU CAN'T SAVE YOUR FACE AND ASS AT THE SAME TIME. I WANT TO ENCOURAGE YOU TO SAVE YOUR ASS..WHAT A HUGE ASSET TO BE A STANDING MEMBER IN THE COMMUNITY. YOU NEVER KNOW WHO ONE DAY WHAT LIFE YOU MAY TOUCH - BECAUSE OF YOUR RECOVERY. ONE DAY..JUST ONE DAY..SOMEONE WHO CAN RELATE TO ONLY YOUR STORY..YOU MAY BE ABLE TO HELP..GIVE YOURSELF A SHOT A LIFE..AND POUR LIFE INTO YOU..LET US LOVE YOU! COME ON IN BUDDY
-- Edited by Fiesty on Tuesday 5th of October 2010 12:04:59 PM
