my husban is an addict too. I understand that I cant control what he does, but he is using his fourth step as a a barometer of wether or not to leave me. he won't look at me with love anymore, hold my hand, talk to me, even sleep with me/... My sponsor said no major changes in the first year, but I cant make him love me... I know I am being abig baby, but it hurts so much. Weve been together for 7 yrs, and through hell. I just need support. I haven't wanted to use for weeks, but I cant handle these feelings. I know step one... but I just hurt so much. how can this be my hp's plan?
As opposed to what? doing drugs? Whoever told you that this was going to be easy? It sucks in the beginning. No doubt about it. You can remember the instant relief the drug will give you, or you can the misery it will always lead you to. In the first step we surrender. We are drug addicts. There is no successful use of drugs for us. Once we truly accept this fact, our lives become just a little easier. we don't fight anymore. We have surrendered. Get to meetings. Share who you are and the pain you feel. Others will share their experience, strength and hope with you. It does get better. It really does.\ Surrender to win. Peace.
Recovery and Relapse.....Relationships can be terribly painful areas.We tend to fantasize and project what will happen.We get angry and resentful if our fantasies are not fulfilled.We forget we are "powerless over other people".The thoughts and feelings of lonliness,despair helplessness and self pity creep in..thoughts of sponsors,meetings,literature and all other positive input leave our consciousness.We have to keep our recovery first! and our priorities in order. Share with your sponsor and other addicts as if your life depended on it.Find the strength to put your trust in your Higher Power and "don't use" no matter what.That will only amplify any pain you are already encountering.. IT IS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THAT THE DESIRE TO USE WILL PASS,WE NEVER HAVE TO USE AGAIN,NO MATTER HOW WE FEEL.ALL FEELINGS WILL EVENTUALLY PASS! We will continually face the pain of the loss of loved ones, failed expectations of ourselves and others but using is no wheres near the answer.I can only suggest making the decision to working your program to the best of your ability and let the God of your understanding work out any results....It works,but gotta keep workin it!!lWelcome to MIP,CONTINUE TO "LIVE" by remaining free and clean from active addiction..... Stay in the day.........
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
This sounds like a very painful situation for you. Sometimes relationships that had some durability during active addiction no longer work when people become clean because people in recovery become more honest with themselves and others and stop practicing old, addict behaviors. All I can say is try to work your own program and don't use no matter what. Shalom.
"I just hurt so much. how can this be my hp's plan?"
It's not...getting through it without using is.
I ahve found that only by grieving fully...feeling and expressing the anger, the denial, the pain, damn the pain! etc etc, can I eventually get to some shred of peace, some tidge of resolution...enough anyway, to get through this day claen & sober, and live to start another one clean & sober tomorrow. ANd thank God for it.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
