OK, so I'm new here. I Was going to come to the chat room, but I either can't get it working right, or it's not on tonight. But I realy need some answers, so perhaps at least by posting the questions here, I'll feel I made some progress.
My fiancee is addicted to pot. When I met him years ago, he was against drugs. That was part of the big attraction. Then we had broken up, and around that time he got into pot. We were apart for some time, and years later, we were reunited. I wasn't a fan of the addiction, and told him as much. We continued on our seperate ways. A few years even later, and he came back to me, needing (and wanting) my help. He was doing it a LOT. He promised to get help, and we started looking- together.
That never really happened. He was lying and doing it 'behind my back'. More recently, he's been trying to be more open about it, sometimes telling me, albeit weeks later, that he did it 'here' and with 'so-and-so'. It's a start. He's working with an addictions counsellor, and I will be meeting with her next week also. Little steps. :)
Here's what we don't know, and want so bad to understand- why can't he just say no to friends when they offer? He doesn't buy pot, he never smokes it at the house, it's always when he's out and friends offer it. He knows he should say no, he does want to to say no, he just doesn't. Instead, he says OK and just goes and does it. After, he knows he could have said no. But can't figure out why.
Telling him/us that 'it's an addiction is why' doesn't help. We know that. And perhaps it's something we have to find out on our own. BUT, we need some answers. ANY answers.
I don't know how to help, what to say, what to do. I most often yell and cry because every time he leaves the house I think he's going to smoke it, and it upsets me. We can't figure this out.
Neither one of us is really religious, and we hear all the time about how you just have to allow God to take over, but that doesn't work for us. We are in charge of this, and we have to fight it. But how do we???
Robin: Nar-Anon at my group but if you don't have one close you might check out an Al-Anon group. If all else fails CoDA might work out as well. Here's a Canadian link.
http://www.cdrs.ca/
Send your husband our way, sounds like our kind of knucklehead!
We didnt cause it (addiction) We cannot control it (the addiction and the behaviour) We cannot cure it (it can howevre be arrested and recovery is possible from that point onwards)..................
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
There are no meetings in our area. (I checked the link also, thank you!) The counsellor he has been speaking to has told him briefly about groups they have once a month or so- relationship boosters, seminars, things to do with anger and family of origin issues and such. When we see her next week I am going to get information about all of these groups, and I plan to attend as many as possible.
We had a little bit of a break through the other day. He heard me when I Said that doing it behind my back was comparable to cheating on me. It hurt as much as knowing he was going to sleep with another girl and there was nothing I could do about it. He finally understood that he has to at least be honest. So as much as I wanted to say the goal is to quit, I tried to break it down into steps- the first one being to just be honest about when he does it. To tell me when he comes home. I promised to do my best to not make negative remarks or to talk down to him about his having done it. Our first step is for him to keep track of when he does it, and to share that with me. He actually smiled and said 'I can do that'. I really do only want to be told the truth for now. That hurts the most.
I will see if he would be interested in checking out your boards. He isn't an 'internet chatty' type, but perhaps he will sit with me and we can visit together. WE're in it together as it is anyways, right? :)
Well first of all he continues to smoke with friends because its there and its free of course, And he feels doing it with them is mandatory because he doesnt want to be put to shame if he doesnt use, The best advice that I can give because I too was a BIG pot smoker is to change your friends and the people who you hang out with. Yes I know its hard because they are your friends but think of this way are they really your friend? would they be there for me if I went to jail and needed money to buy nessecities. you and I both know they wouldnt but they say they would. So thats just what I did I took my sisters advice and did just that and I found that it was easier to quit the pot than I thought it would be... So give it a try and see if it will work for him and let me know........ I wish you the bestes luck
