I have never posted on one of these boards before but I need some help. My son who is my life (as well as all my kids) is addicted to cocaine he is also an alcoholic. I found out he was using, confronted him on this, we had an intervention with the friends of his that are clean and the friends he has had the longest in his life as well as his younger brother.. He is using with the friends he is hanging around with now. These are his new best friends though he has also had them for years just not as long as the other ones.
I am just beside myself. He is 27 years old and doesnt live with me, he is also an iraqi war veteran. He needs help, he cannot conquer this alone and I dont know how to help him. He seems to push you away. Either that or he is afraid for me to know he is still using. I am not a mother that will be ashamed of him or mad at him, I want to help him. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do. I have confronted him, I have confronted the friends he is using with, I even know who he is getting it from and I fell for his story that he stopped when in my heart I knew he didnt. I cannot watch him destroy himself like this. What can I do.
There are support groups for family and friends of us addicts. They are Naranon and Alanon they will be better informed on what you can do to help your son. From my personal experiance there wasn't anything anyone could do to help me until I was ready to be helped and that took a very long time. All my mum could do for me was to be there to catch me when I fell, patch me up, give me a feed and send me on my way to do it all again......
Hi Concerned Mom! Welcome....I can truly identify with your situation.I am an addict working recovery one day at a time and I have a 24 year old son who is a IV Heroin abuser still active.We have now reached the point of total non contact with him due to continued robberies and addictive behaviors he is devastating the area with....As heartless as it may seem,until your son is ready to surrender from active addiction there are few things we can do as parents...I am an active member of Narcotics Anonymous and also of Naranon,a program for friends and relatives of addicts.Just like the addict you will have to learn about surrendering any enabling behaviors you might be using at the moment to "save your son"..The real dilemma is you will only continue your insanity until you learn to "detach with love' a very difficult concept ,especially for parents.Hopefully through the intervention your son has heard of Narcotics Anonymous and knows where there is help available if he is willing to "stop using" and become willing to listen to suggestions and do some work.We beleive the therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel..There are many different roads to recovery but I haven't seen many that didn't have abstinence from using as a first step. There is also Al-Anon and CODA (co-dependence)available for your help in this very trying ,heartbreaking situation. You will be able to share and meet with people like you who you can identify with and in your own way and time you can learn some tools of a program and how to best help yourself and stop enabling your son..Just as we here ,share our experience ,strength and hope with each other and work a program of recovery through spiritual principles ,sponsorship,meetings and service,you also can do the same or believe me it is easy to become more sick than your qualifier(your son).There is hope for individuals on both sides of the street.You are already presuming "he cannot do this by himself"but the fact of the matter is when the pain outweighs the pleasure we ,as addicts,reach a point where surrender in total becomes a reality,the help will come by his willingness to seek a program of recovery by first not using and admitting he needs help.Believe me I sit in rooms week after week ,year after year sharing the heartbreak of parents and friends of loved ones who are caught in the grip. Reach out to get some knowledge and help for yourself it will be the best you can do for him.I have lived on both sides of this street and will keep you in prayer and will hope to here back from you.Stick around others will be coming on to offer their suggestions and share the ESH with you..Reach out to the God of your understanding and pray for strength and wisdom.I know your mind and heart are torn to pieces, but with God,All things are possible: I truly believe that.... .In support and prayer...
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Thank you.. I was an addict when I was a teenager, I know what he is going through but I cant stop it. You are right that I have to detach my self from this situation. Be there when he falls, which I will. You see, my parents were clueless with me. I am not that naive parent and sometimes I wish I were.
I will look into those other groups as you suggested. Thank you both for taking the time to write back.. I really appreciate it.. Best of luck to you with your son.
Hi Mom you can just sign on to Naranon.com and that will bring you to website and other links to get to actual forums.check it out!!!You can plug in where you live and find meetings in your area.Naranon has a service orgaization also..:)
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Just so you know, my computer will not let me on the Naranon page because it is listed as an attack page. Apparently there have been problems reported with it, some hacker must have gotten a hold of it. Do you know of any other online forums I can join, my son OD'd the other day. He almost died.
Have you tried Naranon Australia? I know that families in Aust can access this site..Good luck Mum I hope you find somewhere to help you through all this....Lots of luv to you xxxx
