Hey- I am an addict, I have nearly 4 months clean (although we don't front clean time) and I am ridiculously grateful for NA and my recovery. I have found so many people who love and understand me, and that is why I now need advice. There is another addict in my home group who had gotten clean 5 days before me, and he and my husband (also one of us) had all become very close, moving through the program together.A few weeks ago, I noticed him becoming very withdrawn, and then 4 days ago yet another addict called to tell me she had relapsed. She had reached out to him when she was craving and he set a beer down in front of which sent her on a two day degrading binge before she called me for help. He is still being defensive, and withdrawn, now emphasizing that he is a DRUG addict in meetings. I hate this Alcohol is a drug period. Alcohol is how he ended up in NA (although it's not his DOC) I am afraid to confront him for a couple of reasons, 1 I am a ppl pleaser and don't want to lose his friendship, 2 I am afraid calling him on it will cause him to twist completely off, 3 I don't know what to do. When I spoke to my sponsor, she just said "Get used to this". I know relapse happens, we have had almost a dozen deaths since I came in to the program at my home group (very very large group) I hate how dishonest he is being. I have considered doing the topic of Honesty at the meeting I chair, but he has only been making one meeting a day anyway. He's fired his sponsor, thrown out his tags, quit working the steps, but still comes to meetings. I don't know what to do. His addiction has already killed him once (literally) and I don't want to lose my new brother. Any advice?
Mellysa: Welcome, welcome, welcome and congratulations on the 90 + days. You are certainly a miracle and in the right forum. These are some awesome people that share here.
I'll be the first to weigh in on this site but you'll get plenty after me so please read them all. I've been clean 21 years and like your sponsor suggested, am used to it. It is essential we focus on our own program and for me it has been necessary to run with the winners, especially early on.
I have run in the opposite directions from many a relapsing person, especially if they fit these 2 categories: 1) Opposite sex 2) I am focusing on them In these cases it has served me well to hit my knees, call my sponsor, go to a meeting, and ignore every thought I have to the best of my ability. I don't even share about the "other person" with anyone other than my sponsor. This deisease as you have heard is cunning, bagffling and pwerful. The disease of addiction has its own life and wants me using.
For me these times of watching someone who has already shown to be relapsing is a like morbid facination with death.
Thanks for sharing here! We need you to keep coming back.
I think Joe and Avid have it pretty much covered. This is a Programme about self and we all have our own journey through recovery. We all recover at different rates and this is Ok we need to be ready and some times a relapse makes us ready to surrender and accept that we are powerless over our addiction. We need to let go and let God.........
Thanks everyone for your time and wisdom. It seems that the simplest things are the ones I resist the most. lol I've been praying about it to, and since the consensus is leave it alone, I can't control him, it's up to him and his higher power at this point, I think I will try to leave it alone. Being not only an addict, but the child of and wife of addicts, I definitely have this impulse to save or mother others, while ignoring my own welfare. Ah well... Just another incident where my sponsor was right and I repeatedly and unnecessarily smashed my head into the brick wall of insanity. Maybe it was just a lesson from my HP to drive home the step-work I've done so far. (I am two points away from starting 4... so I am trying not to resent him for rejoining the living dead... I already am going to need a few notebooks for those character defects and resentments....lol) Thanks again everyone Peace and Love MelBell
No such thing as a "drug of choice"; we are powerless over addiction--that means we do not "choose" this disease---it's a devil's disguise when we think we do, based on what we select to goose our endorphins the most. I think JoeB hit the nail on the head. There are 11 steps and part one of step 12 before we try to carry the message--and there's that sticky business about practicing the principles in all our affairs...that means our personal day-to-day actions ... the ones designed to help us get through another day without using or doing something that is likley to set us up for using. (Like having the impulse to save or mother others, while ignoring our own welfare.) Welcome to the board :)
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
