most of my "blood" family has pushed me away cause I kinda tell it like I see it with no tact but that is kinda who Iam maybe I'll get to that careter defect later but anyway the ones that are still in my life I find my self pushing them away cause if they are not around they won't worry or that is how my thought pattern is telling me I have been down right rude in expressing these opnions but I feel like Ihave to stand up for my brother cause his wifve refuse to help with anything she is a good mother I'll give that but lazy and very capable of working but would rather spend what they don't have and for some reason it pisses me off I know mind my own buisness he can take care of himself and I am powerless over this situation THAT SUX!!! the only true friendsI have are on this board or in this computer my life in anut shell lately has been in bed for the past couple of months anxiety is under control but the depression and aggitaion is still an issue I am working with my med docs on each issue that pops up trying to be complient but right now I am switching alot and don't want ppl to see it so I stay home I want alife one b4 DID or multple personalities I wasn't always so fearful but lately everyting scares me or aggitates me just thought I would share where I am at thanx to my real familtI can do this here
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Manon ,My blood family shipped me out many years ago,which they were right in doing.Now I an accepted again.We also have to pick and choose who we want in our lives nowadays.Take care of yourself and don't use especially.Everything will pass.
Manon: Glad to read what you wrote. I'm the youngest from a pretty large family. For many reasons I've pulled back, in some cases I've seen my siblings pull back from me. I've taken a pretty close look at my own family dynamic and what I've learned is that a few of my siblings learned to take care of themselves emotionally and remain engaged with others, but most of us haven't learned that.
At some point we felt it necessary to disengage from the people we were raised around. Sometimes it wasn't best for us, but often it was. It only makes sense that if we weren't able to experience what we needed from them in the past that we may not experience it now. This isn't bad or good in my case, it just is.
My mainstay is the family I've developed in NA. I've developed enough lasting relationships in NA that I now realize, oh this is what it's like when people tell you "no" but keep loving you! This is what it feels like to be confronted with your behavior and not your character or being. This is what it's like when I really let people know the things I've done and thought.
They don't laugh, they don't runaway or tell me to get lost they just keep listening to what I say and relating.
Sometimes the healthiest thing we can do is too but up right honest with others in our lives. Let me give an example. I had my sister in law call me on Easter Sunday and tell me how crazy my mother was with her Will and all this stuff. She never once during this conversation asked me how I was doing, or anything. I sat there and bit my tongue when she hung up with me. I cried and yelled and screamed about how I felt about her being involved in something that didn't mean crap to her. There were only 5 people left in my mom's will my self, sister and my sister in law's three brats. She is doing all the phone calling for a 21, 26, 24 year old young adults. I had let it eat me away. I had placed a call to my Pastor on a Friday night he called me at 11 PM that night and I was in a very deep dark spot. He said you need to write her an email and let her know how you feel. Well I did this and I feel my email was the truth of how I viewed her children, how she did everything for them and she needed to do less for them and take care of her. In the top of the letter I put this quote " Less of me is needed, Since my opinion doesn't matter in this situation at all." Well she didn't get it at all. She would have known if she had taken time to read it carefully. She didn't wait no time and immediately threw out a damn reply. Well, let me put it this way she didn't realize I wasn't going to read it or respond to it. There didn't need to be anything from her in any way. I told her the only people I would talk to were the 3 kids. I found out she is still meddling in this and has nothing to do with this at all. She won't let her adult baby grown kids grow the hell up. Sorry for my language. You know what since I cut the ties totally with that side of the family my life has gotten less stressful, It has gotten a lot simpler for me, than for her. I have had peace, and tranquility in my life. Why would I keep a person in my life who is negative and never done anything for my mother while she was alive at all? I mean where was her family when my mother needed her diapers changed, fed, taken to a doctor's appointment? Nowhere at all. Do these 3 baby adults deserve any of the money hell no. Not at all, they didn't even show up for her funeral at all. When it comes to the money or whatever the mother is with her hands out and telling me how bad this or that is in life. I don't have time for that today in my life. I have forgiven her but doesn't mean I want her toxicity in my life the negativity she has in her around me. She has a mother she doesn't even get along with.
I can relate to pushing people away...my sis is a crack addict and recently called my other sister (collect) from jail. It's ironic that she's reaching out to contact us to tell us she doesn't want any contact from us. Said she doesn't want any of us to visit her in jail...said the next time she will see us all is at my dad's funeral, then she hung up. We all love her...but she pushes us away and we can get angry and push right back. I find healthy detachment really hard to practice. I have a hole in my life where my sister used to be. The courts want her to go to drug court. She says she will do the 10 months in jail. She has been in about 20 differnt rehabs over the past 6 years. She says she doesn't need rehab and can get clean on her own.
