my little friend was just diagnosed with bi polar and shes having a hard time and im trying to be supportive of her because im really her only friend left and sometimes she just pisses me off soooooooo bad that i blow up in her face. but ya know she just texted me and said she wanted to cut because her therapist is leaving and she has to get a new one. and i told her it wasnt her fault and she knows that so what am i supposed to say back to that? go ahead cut yourself because i cant say anything to that... i hate people who tell me that their gunna do something and i ask why and they come up with some stupid excuse that makes me think wtf am i supposed to say to that?
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Thanks for sharing that. Sometimes I get into the same thing.
I think those situations teach me about my internal boundaries. I spend alot of energy sometimes wanting to advise or fix a situation when all I can offer is an ear and a prayer. I can really get drained by the need to say the right thing.
I was in the middle of a divorce once, my wife had relapsed and was coming to get her stuff, I called my sponsor and asked him what to say and he said: "I don't know just try not to say anything that isn't kind or loving" all I could do then was cry.
I have to just listen sometimes and say the next right, thing whatever that may be.
That is so true. Sometimes I just need to know I am heard and not alone. I can wear myself out at times when I get into a I'm gonna fix it mode. I learn the valuable lesson of powerlessness during those times and realize that just listening and reminding someone to pray is the gift that I was given many times in these rooms.
Hey Liz! yeah it stinks,.....but as you know there is really nothing we can do to change what others are going to do,think or say.......I could also suggest just letting person know that you will pray for her and be there in support if you are needed.The last thing I would suggest is to pray that your resentments for her putting you in a situation of worry,anger,fear and all other emotions you are going through are stilled. Serenity prayer is very pertinent at this juncture..accept what you can't change, change what you can and your HP letting you know the difference...We can only be of so much help,.There is something an addict in one of the rooms always shares when he speaks" .he says......DO NOT LET ANYONE STEAL YOUR JOY.. Talk with you later..hopefully looks better tomorrow.....
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
It sucks when people put you on the spot like this. Some good advice here. I liked this " I called my sponsor and asked him what to say and he said: "I don't know just try not to say anything that isn't kind or loving" We can't expect that we always know what to say in any given situation. Remembering to be kind and loving when people are hurting sounds like a good idea. I also like this "just listening and reminding someone to pray is the gift that I was given many times in these rooms." When I don't know what to think I pray. So it follows that if I don't know what to say, remembering prayer is also a good idea. There are times when all we can do is hang on and pray. Liz, you got angry because she wanted you to have an answer. You are not responsible for her expectations.
Sounds like one of those "you're damned if you do and damned if you don't" deals. It makes me mad when I'm involved in something like that and I'd probably say I hate people gtoo-but in honesty, it's mostly fear that I am feeling and don't like to admit. It's easier for me to get angry than have to deal with the fact that I care...but I also need to not get sucked in to the point of risking my own health and stability. Over the years I've learned to "let go with love" a lot more than when early in the program. Getting caught up in someone else's drama is a great way to distract me from my own recovery. And usually my involvement didn't make any positive difference in the end---the other person would just do what they were gonna do in the first place, after wearing me out! Maybe you could help your friend find an appropriate support group/system, of some sort so you don't get to be the only one to get the text/call. If she's in therapy, suggest she ask her therapist about WRAP (stands for Wellness and Recovery Action Plan, by Mary Ellen Copeland) and it's designed for situations like your friend is in.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
