I can barely see because my eyes are so swollen from crying but it won't stop. I need someone who's a parent of teenage daughter's to tell me the truth. Will they ever really forgive me? It's getting worse not better. My youngest dd turned 16 and didn't even want me to go w/ her to get her license. As most of you know I went to rehab for the 1st time last summer for 60 days but had to go back this past April for another 30 days. They stayed w/ my sister while I was gone and now they refuse to come back home. I thought I could handle their anger & hurt because God knows they have every right to feel the way they do. I've begged them to go to counseling because they went a few times after their father & I divorced and it helped but they refuse now. They won't even consider al-ateen or al-anon. I know truly deep down they have the right "to be where they are" right now but to what extent? Anna hasn't even wanted to go look at cars except w/ her friends. I know I am rambling and probably not making any sense and I am very sorry for that but ya'll I am terrified of feeling this way. I am broken mother today and have no idea how to fix this. Do I force them? Keaton is 17, going to be a senior. This is her most important year of school. She's going off to Auburn next year. They say the most horrible mean things to me. I know I deserve all of their anger & frustration but please just tell me how to get through it? My girls are my life. They are the reason i get up in the morning. Thank you guys for letting me vent. Stacey
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The Will Of GOD Will Never Take You Where The Grace Of GOD Will Not Protect You
Hi Stacey! I am sorry for your pain,but I can identify.My daughter now 22(just turned sunday) and married was acting out at a very early age. We had to finally commit her to PINS or now called "diversion Program"..She hated us and we didnt think she would ever relate with us again.She was 12 when this occurred.I could not even talk with her and finally found a way of communication by writing letters and leaving under her pillow.3 years later,she ended up graduating school early,and is now in hel last year of Masters classes for her teaching degree.She spends more time with us now that she is married and moved out then she did when she lived home.She attends church with us every sunday and tells us she loves us often,something she would never say...My point is that the healing process takes time.The best thing you can do is remain clean,work your process and let your life show recovery.Put your faith and trust in the God of your understanding and let time heal the wounds.The kids have to have time to begin their recovery process also..I would make it clear though that abusive language and disrespect won;t be tolerated,you are somebody and are working hard to turn your life around.We rear our children to let them go..Try and live your life to the best of your ability,one day at a time and trust ,in time ,things will be okay ...this is a devastating disease that affects all parts of ours and others lives.You've made your amends to the best of your ability,move forward in God's grace and mercy.I will keep you in prayer....In support....
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
one day atr a time my dear one day at a time my mother had to commit me several time as a child I finally forgave her but it took years so patience is all I can tell you for now but she and I are great friends when b4 I blamed her for everything that ever went wrong it has been rough on her and me both but together we could alone we can't
-- Edited by Manon on Wednesday 14th of July 2010 08:52:19 PM
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Thanks so much for your post. Please know that you are not alone. Stay clean my friend and know that your HP has a plan. I have been through times with my kids in my recovery that I did not think I would come out the other side clean. But I did and that is a direct result of NA and my HP.
You staying clean a day at a time is a true amends to your children. Forgiving myself as a mother has been a long process but I am finally at a place where I can let go and know that I did the best I could before I found recovery.
I used to pary for my children and their healing from the disease of addiction.
If you need to talk send me an e-mail. I have walked in your shoes. Hang in Mom and know a day clean is the best gift you can give your family. I promise!
Hi Stacey. The pain we feel from our children is the worst pain of all. It's clear that they are really angry at you, so forget trying to force them to do anything. It will only make things worse. It seems like they felt abandoned by you when you went to the Rehab, especially the second time. They don't trust that losing you for those 3 months changed anything. Are you off ALL drugs or are you taking a little here and there to get by? Without total abstinence, and a solid program of recovery you are simply on the road to your next rehab. This will only further convince your girls that you will never be there for them. It's true that they might benefit from therapy but so would you. Stacey, I so very much want you to heal. Perhaps this time apart from them is a blessing. You can use it to immerse yourself in recovery. Go to meetings. Lot's of meetings. Get a sponsor, work the steps, and don't use....nothing...no matter what. Know this. It does get better, but it takes time. Keep showing them that you love them. Show them, one day at a time, that you are changing. That you are free from active addiction and are finding a new way to live. God bless you Stacey. You are in my prayers.
You have no idea how much hope it gives me to know that you guys got through this. It doesn't make it any easier but it does help.
MikeF, as always your the first to let us know we are not alone when you reach out on this board and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am so grateful for you telling me about your daughter. I just have to believe me & mine will get through this somehow someway w/out me screwing it up by forcing it.
Manon, thank you for reminding me that all mother's clean or sober can make mistakes. My own mom left for a while when I was a kid and did some pretty bad things but she's more than made up for it and we are the best of friends now.
Missyh90, Thank you so much for being honest about your situation. I am so consumed w/ guilt & paralyzed by fear that I don't even recognize myself anymore. I am clean and I feel like I should be my old self again but it's like she's gone. That probably doesn't make sense but nothing does to me right now. With my girls' at my sister's instead of w/ me I feel like I am just waiting for my life to start back when they ger home. Existing not living. I don't know what I am suppose to do. Am I suppose to just get up go to work, come home, go to bed.... all w/out my kids? There is nothing normal about that to me. I don't mean to rant but this board is my only venting place right now. My family thinks I am ungrateful or using again ig I get pissed off or say anything remotely negative. They stay on pins & needles. I don't blame them. Just the opposite actually. They have every right but God it's exhausting for me to have to continuously & constantly reassure them I'am ok today. Again, thank you for listening.
Avid, I know your right that I can't force them but being in this house w/out them is the most UNNATURAL FEELING in the world. No, I am only taking 20mg Lexapro. I will try my best to as patient as they have been and give them the time they need. I hope you know how much I have come to value your advice.
Hope everyone has a great day, Stacey
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The Will Of GOD Will Never Take You Where The Grace Of GOD Will Not Protect You
Lost dreams awaken and new possiblities arise,,take heart Stacey.
Mine's an NA baby,, all of 14 now. Ive had to bring her up as a single parent for the past 11 years. I thank God she has forgiven me for the divorce. I thank God she chose, of her own, to stay with me.
Seems kids want to think they are somehow the cause for their parents not getting along well, or their parents using drugs and such like. This is where the 3 C's for families is shown to be relevant. these 3 Concepts are= 1. We did not cause it 2. We cannot control it 3. We cannot cure it
These 3 Concepts about addiction need to be shared with kinds; I shared with my baby that she was in no way responsible for the mess her parents were in. By the same token, she knows she is not responsible for her dad's recovery. This freedom allows her to love her dad in the way she chooses.
That said, she has been very supporting of my recovery, allowing me space for recovery acrivities and new attitudes. Those new attitudes seem strange in comparison to current social mores like being abstinent, being a single person and leaning towards God and Meditation. But my baby understands...
Anyways, that said and done, I know things will certainly work out for you; what's most important is proof; that we are recovering adddicts. Children will forgive parents that have changed attitudes; this faith should be unshakeable. This is the cornerstone of the triumphant arch that you will walk through, my dear recovering friend.
And most of all, the Steps being the solution, more will be revealed that will restore us to sanity in our relationship with our children...
-- Edited by Raman on Thursday 15th of July 2010 07:29:46 PM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Thanks so much for your post! Remember...you don't really want to be your "old" self anymore. You are becomming the woman that your HP ment for you to be all along. Being new in recovery is like buying a new pair of shoes....you just haven't worn this new life in yet. It will be uncomfortable and not fit the way you like it for awhile. Know that we have all been thru this storm and that if you don't give up...you never have to feel this way again!
Each day that you don't use you are defeating the laws of nature. Celebrate that even if the people closest to you don't understand. That is what we are here for...one addict helping another.
I have become who I am as a result of the love and understanding that I have received in the rooms of recovery. Recovery is the only place that I have found that I can just be me...happy, mad, glad, sad or indifferent. You guys just seem to keep loving me No Matter What!
You are becomming the woman that your HP ment for you to be all along. Being new in recovery is like buying a new pair of shoes....you just haven't worn this new life in yet. It will be uncomfortable and not fit the way you like it for awhile. Know that we have all been thru this storm and that if you don't give up...you never have to feel this way again! 
