My boyfriend has relapsed and I am at my wits end as what to do. Do I take his phone calls?, do I respond to his texts,do I get mad and yell at him? Not sure if I am supposed to be doing tough love or telling him to come home and try to get clean. I am so scared of losing him and want to help but it seems like that is just accepting his behaviour. He lives with me and has been going to school to become a drug and alcohol counselor and now he cant apply what he has learned. Someone tell me what to do, I love him so very much, but when he relapses(speed) he is delusional and accusational and just plain old paranoid and I cant handle that anymore.
Hi Michelle! We are seeing a lot of these situations lately and we have to remember that addiction is a family disease.If your boyfriend is working a program then he knows the tools he needs to use.Only he can decide if he wants to stay stopped or continue using......You are in a situation where you need to take care of yourself,learn some tools of your own on how to "detach with love' learn about enabling behaviors which are deadly to the addict and how to draw up some boundaries so you have some guidelines to follow.I also am a member of Naranon(no implied endorsement)a 12 step program for friends and families of addicts,it is similar to Al-Anon but geared more toward other drug use than alcohol!!Is your boyfriend familiar with our program,Narcotics Anonymous? Is he willing to really quit or is he a chronic relapser and not ready??There are many things you can suggest to him,make a meeting,get with people in and out of rooms of recovery,set some boundaries(if he uses he can;t come back,etc(but you must be willing to follow through.I have a 24 year old son,in recovery from IV heroin abuse,and the hardest thing EVER we had to put him on the street in hopes of saving his life in the worst condition ever......We were blessed.but its not easy,but a life with an active addict is unbearable as you know...You can google up Naranon.com in your area see where there is a meeting for you and let your boyfriend know that you can no longer live this.AND HE NO LONGER HAS TO "EITHER" CO-dependency can be as disasterous for family members,some times more so ,than it is for the user.If you have faith in a Higher Power,I can only suggest praying and seek help for yourself.STICK AROUND HERE,OTHERS WILL BE ON WITH SUGGESTIONS AND THEIR ESH TO SHARE WITH YOU.I will keep you in prayer as I know how devastating this situation is,our family has lived it for a long period and only through the strength of our faith have we been able to move forward,make very difficult decisions and stick to them trusting in our God...hope to hear back from you...YOU HAVE SOME CHOICES TO MAKE.......
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Wellcome Michelle This is a good place to to start getting some answers. I can not in clear conscience give you advice all I can tell is what worked for me and my family. it wasn't until my family stopped enabling me that I got serious about my recovery. I needed to see that I couldn't keep running back witth a sad story that all would be OK and that this time it would be different. It wasn't until I was told that yes we love you but we can't watch you destroy your life and enable you to do it, that I was ready to let go of my reservations and get real in my recovery. As an addict I am very good a lulling to sleep the ones who love me and not letting them know my true intentions. With that said you should continue to get help for yourself so you can learn or relearn to be a family with or without the addict in your life. May God bless and protect you in all your endeavers.
I'm sorry for both of you. "Addiction is such a cunning enemy of life" I can't tell you what to do, except to point you in a direction. Nar-anon and Al-anon will have people who are going through the same thing you are. The anger, confusion, hurt and self doubt are all part of this. At a meeting you will meet people who have found a way to deal with another's addiction and will share their experience with you. Your not alone.
Only thing that worked for me is tough love from my family -and in the beginning I despised them for loving me so much - When I continued to relapse the good thing I did when I was clean is teach them how to treat me when I use - They got the hang of it - I could no longer come home and take a bath - I could no longer come and eat - I could no longer ask for money - I could no longer use them - I had to go to the bitter end and for me that was enough - I had to rely on reaching out to people who could actually help me - treatment, meetings, sponser and my HP. and then I had enough courage to stand - I had to quit standing on my family - and it worked - When I participated with my life - It changed - and in changing - I truly believe I don't have to use today - So suggestion - Let Go enough so the addict can reach
Thank you all for the feedback, I know that what you say is true that I must be stronger and turn him away. And its me calling him and saying come home sleep it off. My problem is that I know I am enabling him when I let him come home again. He did so good for 2 years and this past year he has started relapsing more and more frequently. I am looking for a meeting to attend. My problem is that I have Multiple Sclerosis and do not get around very well, so he is my caregiver, best friend and lover all wrapped up into one. These are excuses and I need to kick him out the next time, but if I do my family will never forgive me if I let him in again. They do not have any experience with an addict and think hey if he messes up then he is gone!
Thank you all for the feedback, I know that what you say is true that I must be stronger and turn him away. And its me calling him and saying come home sleep it off. My problem is that I know I am enabling him when I let him come home again. He did so good for 2 years and this past year he has started relapsing more and more frequently. I am looking for a meeting to attend. My problem is that I have Multiple Sclerosis and do not get around very well, so he is my caregiver, best friend and lover all wrapped up into one. These are excuses and I need to kick him out the next time, but if I do my family will never forgive me if I let him in again. They do not have any experience with an addict and think hey if he messes up then he is gone!
im so sorry for your anquish. he has to travel HIS path, alone. this is not your path. this is HIS path. let him go!
im sorry to sound this rough. but why are you putting yourself in his lane? stay in your own lane.
you deserve so much better. your health depends on it. your sanity depends on it. your not the addict. he is.
maybe, he feels trapped being with you. ever think of that?
