Hi Amy! I am sorry to hear of your pain. Couple things that I find are very important here. First I know where your coming from about your kids(I have 4 ,two in their mid 40's and 2 in there mid 20's) as much as we want to do for them,your recovery must be for you..Trying to do things for everyone else is not condusive for our recovery.My son ,a recovering IV heroin abuser,24,now in recovery ,also has OCD,Manic Depression,ADHD,Anger Issues and Anxiety Disorder, all clinically diagnosed and has been on every med possible.He now has found Abilify,Paxil, and Methadone(100mg) a combination that has him stabilized and allowing him to work a recovery process.We are not doctors here and would never suggest any medication without a Doctors(maybe more than one's)assesment.My point is sometimes it is a process that can lead you to the correct medication,but you have to be honest with your doctor...I understand how being in a roomful of people with anxiety and depression issues could be disconcerting.Narcotics Anonymous can show you a new way to live but self medicating is not going to help you in any way.You say they will take your kids away if they find out etc, I can only share my experience that continued abuse of OTC  or any non prescribed meds will eventually take you to where you don't want to be and in the long run it will produce the same unwanted results....I believe thats why you are here.A big part of our program is admission to our illness,surrendering to the idea that we may be out of control with our using and obviously from your share you are definitely unmanageable.I can only suggest being honest with your doctor so you can find right meds for you.Get yourself stabilized so you can make a meeting and 'HEAR THE MESSAGE" and if you feel pushed or pressured just get some numbers and know there are folks, just like you,out here willing to help.You have to first help yourself by seeking proper channels.We will love you until you can love yourself.You are somebody,you just need to find that out.I will keep you in prayer and hope to hear back.peace

Hi Amy.
Your story touched me deeply.
It is similar to mine in many ways.
I too have a history of depression and anxiety.
I went to a shrink, took the prescribed meds but also self medicated.
For me, it ended in disaster. I had what I call my 'crash and burn' and lost everything. Thanks to my higher power and the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous my life is much better now.
Anxiety, paranoia, panic attacks, etc. are all different ways of describing fear.
Our literature tells us that fear is at the root of our disease.
Over the years I tried, medications, religions, mentors, therapies, etc. nothing worked, until I found NA. By going to meetings and working the steps with a sponsor I have a degree of peace in my life. I still have regrets about the past, and fears regarding the future, but it's not anything like it used to be. I keep working the program and it keeps getting better.
Unless alcohol is part of your story then AA is probably not the best 12 step program for you. go to NA.org and look up the helpline in your area. Tell the person about your concerns regarding meetings. It's all anonymous, and they may be able to suggest a meeting in your area where you could feel comfortable.
Isolation is a primary symptom of the disease of addiction. The disease wants to keep you keep locked up so it can destroy your life. No one is going to drag you to a meeting. You have to want this.
It sounds like you are.
I wish you well Amy.
Be well, and please let us know how you are doing.

twinkle wrote:

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I don't know where to turn to. I've been abusing over-the-counter Mucinex DM for the dextromethoraphan in it, taking up to 800 mg a day of it.  I have two young girls and a boyfriend in my home that I hide it from.  I want to quit for my girls. I have social anxiety and depression and take medications for it but they don't help, so I self-medicate.  It makes it hard to go to meetings because I go into panic attacks with people I don't know.  Basically, I'm mentally ill and a substance abuser. I can't believe I just said that but it's true. I went to one AA meeting and hated it, mostly because I felt embarrassed to talk to people and felt like I was being pushed so hard to come back. I'm tired of using OTC meds to medicate my anxiety and depression. I wish my psychiatrist would help me. :(  My psychiatrist doesn't know I use DXM because I'm scared if I tell her, she'll do things to take my kids away and give them to my ex-husband. I can't lose my kids, no matter what. they are my LIFE. Without them I'd rather be dead. I am nothing without them.


-- Edited by twinkle on Monday 12th of July 2010 10:41:22 PM

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oh boy. i know this one. im the anx queen!. funny, i never went the route of otc. odd.

anyway. ask ur doc for xanex. its for aniety/fear of people..life...leaving house.... etc. She couldnt possibly hold that against you. but then im wonderin if u have one of those that dont subscribe anything. gawddddddddddddddddd.  been there more than i can count.i too seem to get the ones who prescribe nada.... nothin. zippo. til i finally got xanex.


get a nu phyc if thats the case. u realize, u have a valid disability. so shud she. 


i feel bad u have to hold back part of ur problem  with her during sessions for fear of loosing ur babies. again, get a new phyc. if its doable. if not.. theres a way out.


admittin ur problem was a huge step. btw, i doubt ur mentally ill. ur kids woulda been taken away if that were the true case. ive seen it happen. ur just in a whole lot of pain twink.


just check in here once a day, til u can go to meetings. we are here. ur one of us.


lol.. i always wanted to say that. :))) saw it in a movie. The Net. Angela Bennet... nevr left her house for years on end....

take what u need from my post, throw the rest away.