I've been sober since 2003 but I'm feeling really stressed and I'm on the verge of relapsing. I can feel it. I don't have time to go to a meeting. My wife works at night and I'm left at home to watch 3 kids. It seems like everything is falling apart and all I want to do is get some liquor because it will help calm me down. I don't know what to do. I want to use so bad and just forget about everything. I don't know what else to do.
Welcome Rattfink! we have been waiting for you.Congrats on your time free of active addiction>You have made a very good move by calling out first before you picked up.Do you have a sponsor and are your working the solutions(steps)?It sounds so simple but by picking up you will just amplify your feelings 100% and MAY not make it back.We are susceptible to that first one....I can only suggest that "you make the time" to get to a meeting no matter what.Drop kids off,call someone,pay a babysitter.We have a tendency and our disease helps us think we can't do a lot of things.If you pick up you will have time to get the next substance,you know that.Your life begins with you being free from active addiction.We all want to blot things out on any given day,thats why we say 'it works,but you gotta work it."Probably what you don't want to hear,but we all have been where you are.We are here to share our experience ,strength and hope with each other and hoping that we can suggest the way of "life" in recovery..Relapse is not by accident,there are usually reservations(things you have stored in your being that gives you an excuse to picking up)Search deeply for that and seek out help however you can get it.We can do this even if its by the hour or minute,and sometimes it may be that.I pray you are really "done" and though clean time don't equal recovery,on some days it may be your biggest asset!Let us know how you are doing,stay in contact with people in recovery,try not to isolate and see if you can do some things to get out of your head.I always found helping someone else,helped me...I wish you peace and strength
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
HI there!! Congrats on 3 years sober that is excellent. You have made great strides just remember that. I am only newly sober 30 days, to be exact!! I know how exactly how you feel. I had a very stressful weekend and wanted to use again but instead I did things to take my mind off of it. I too have children, 4 boys, so I can understand the stress of that alone. It feels like the world is on your shoulders but if you turn to your higher power, whatever that may be and ask to take your burdens and totally give yourself to him you will feel amazing. Just remember you have worked very hard to get to where you are and you should be so proud of yourself. If you have a sponsor call them, if you don't have one you should try to get one they really help, I know mine has helped me. I know this may not mean much coming from someone who is newly sober but this road is hard and we are all here to help each other. Just keep writing to us and talking to us!! I will pray for you :) Stay strong and remember one day at a time.
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If you question which way to go on a road turn one direction and start going, if you don't feel peace then turn around and go another direction for its when you feel peace you know you are on the right road!
I'm really glad you shared that. Sometimes I forget why I started coming in the first place and I forget that wanting to use is more natural to me than not wanting to. I still want to change the way I feel immediately. The main tool I've learned is that I know how to play the tape all the way through now. If I think I'm hurting now, all I gotta do is throw dope or alcohol on top of it.
My problems still don't go away as quickly as I'd like. But once I use they are there to stay. I know you can hang in there and do whatever it takes. If I can do it anybody can. This is gonna pass (by the time you read this it may already have passed).
You haven't seen anything yet as how much better it's gonna get. Keep sharing here and in meetings and with people on the phone. What ever it is, it always passes.
Congrats on your clean time - but Get to a meeting - people bring their kids all the time - It probably benefit you - You get to choose to save your ass or your face - (not to be hard) one of the things "we" as addicts do - find ways to not be fully responsible - and I was taught I have to be fully responsible for my recovery- If I wanted to get loaded please believe - I would make arrangements - so we HAVE to figure it out - Get yourself to a meeting - you will feel better - kids in tote - Hang in there
Glad you reached out. Those kids deserve a clean and sober dad, and you deserve health and freedom from active addiction. You have to get to meetings. Like it's been said. There is a way, just find it. Keep playing that tape all the way through. You know how it ends if you pick up. I'll pray you into a meeting.
Thanks guys. I haven't gotten to a meeting yet, I'm still working on it. You would think after being clean all this time I could find ways to deal with this stress but all of a sudden drugs and alcohol get in my head and that's all I can think about. Why does it seem like I'm stressed out more now then when I was using, homeless, and getting arrested all the time? It's hard not having anyone to talk to. I really do need to get a sponsor. After going to meetings religiously for 2 years I guess I figured I could do it on my own but I guess not.
Hey Bob! Ilove our literature and one of the most pertinent statements for me is"complacency is the enemy of those with substantial clean time,if we are complacent too long recovery then ceases!! yup I found for me ,abstinence without working a process,had me just as sick as when I was using.For me the steps,my sponsor and my walk with my HP are just the beginnings of my daily tools to keep this beast from me and help me give back when I can...Glad you made it here man!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I think it seems like I'm stressed more now than it ever did when I was using sometimes today, I also think I experience alot of emotions more intensely. I used to think I used to "feel good" but now I'm pretty certain that it was so I wouldn't feel.
I experienced life as sadness, worry, negativity. My reactions were anger and fear.
When I got clean I started experiencing the things that were going on around me and feeling the results of what I had been doing and thinking.
Thanks for using this board! I am in an office all day and in groups in the evening. Hard to get to a meeting. When you share here you help me. I still make meetings every oppurtunity but this is my second group.
Why does it seem like I'm stressed out more now then when I was using, homeless, and getting arrested all the time?
Good question. When we stop using drugs to numb our feelings we feel. Often we don't like what we feel, which is why we picked up in the first place. But putting down the drugs leave a vacuum. Like Raman said, the second step fills that void. By gaining a Higher Power we replace the loss of drugs with something much greater. A loving, caring, God of our understanding. I know this is a program of suggestions so here's mine for you. YOU MUST GET TO A MEETING!!! LOL. Get a sponsor and start working the steps. peace.
I can completely relate to what you are feeling. When I get stressed out that seems to come to mind to use again. I have found my higher power so when I do have that thought or feeling I turn to him and ask him to guide me and continue to give me the strength to fight the devil!!! Get to a meeting man, as you know, they will really help out!!! We all feel we can handle it on our own, I thought I sure could then I realized there is no way I could do it all on my own. You can always talk to us on here, but get yourself that sponsor!!!!! Good luck and may God and peace be with you.
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If you question which way to go on a road turn one direction and start going, if you don't feel peace then turn around and go another direction for its when you feel peace you know you are on the right road!
The Step Working Guide begins step work with the question=
"What does the disease of addicton mean to me ?"
Before that, we are given examples of the disease; what is addiction other than the drugs ? It is obsession and compulsion in other areas of our life.
The best approach for me has been 1. to quote three instances in my own life when I was obsessed and comeppled to act that out. e.g= getting angry with someone and then obsessing on trying to get them to see my point of view.
2. identify in others sharings their experiences of obsession and compulsion or ask members one on one.
3. read other NA literature that provides meaningful insight on the disease.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
