note book and pen/pencil,age categories 5 to 10 years old.10 to 15 15 -20 and so on,in each 5 year category,subjects,theft,sex,lies, resentments,bad,mean, write down the names of people places and things in their perspective subject in their perspective age group.
subject[bad],,i did something bad other than the subjects to a person place or thing, subject[mean]i did something mean other than the subjects to a person place or thing.
I like this 4th step because it keeps things organized,also it makes things easier for i can concentrate on specific age groups......
Thanks for the response, Rosie. I'm actually having issues getting past some things that my girlfriend did and went through while she was using, and I guess I'm curious more so if there's a way to do a mini 4th step over one particular issue and/or person. I should have been more specific. Any ideas?
The way I apply Step 4 in my daily life is by taking a spot inventory when something disturbing happens. Having done this over a few years in my recovery, the first thing I attempt is to reverse the process of blame. I eliminate the other people and the external factors from the situation like what the other or others said or did, it's only because so and so happened... etc.
I identify my feelings, try to name them. Doing this helps me own my feelings, be it anger, hurt, fear etc. this leads me to change my stand - instead of telling myself that this person hurt me, or this ghastly behavior from the other person makes me angry etc. to address the issue in a new perspective where I tell myself - I feel hurt, I feel angry etc.
I look into the defects of character that I might have used in the situation, again without looking into who did or said what that made me react the way I did. I simply identify and admit that I used my defects of character in the situation and that's what caused discomfort within me, not something or something outside me. Then I ask myself why I used these defects. The answer to this usually leads me to the exact nature of my wrong. I own, embrace and accept what's revealed through such an application of Fourth Step. I share about it, either at a meeting if I could, or one-on-one with another member. Doing so eases me to become willing to do something about what happened and how I could better deal with similar instances in the future with the help of the Program instead, through Steps Six and Seven...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Way back then, before the Step Guide was available, on my sponsor's suggestion I did the following= On a blank piece of unruled A size paper, I wrote on the left top corner my age at the time of occurance of an incident on the right top corner, I wrote what time of day it happened and where Then i wrote out that incident exactly as it happened
And I wrote the thought I had, and on the next line the feelings.
Example 1
Age 21 Bar in Goa, about 7 pm.
I take a hit of ganja, I have a sip of pheni and I look at the others at the table.
And I have a thought "What a trip this is". Feeling great.
Example 2 Age 26 near pushers, 6pm
I ask my friend for time and he says " 6"
And I have a thought "The basterds gone off with my money". And Im feeling hate....
Then,,, I wrote, wrote, wrote
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
You might try going through the questions in the step guide book for step 4, but view each question in the context of this situation. Remember that identifying patterns of behavior is a big benefit of the 4th step, so broadening the context to include other relationships may be of benefit. I admire what you are trying to do here. I would be very interested in hearing more about how you develop a process for this activity. Thanks for sharing. I wish you all success in this endeavor
Welcome chemicalend! nice to meet you.It is a blessing that you are desired enough to want to address this area.Bring it from your heart,consult the God of your understanding and go forward.Hope to hear more from ya!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
