You know when I got here, I had so much going on in my life I had no idea what was going on within me. The prevailing issue that I had was getting, using, and finding ways and means to get more. I was consumed by this activity. I was so consumed by this that I didn't notice the bizarre lifestyle, ways of thinking and reasoning that I had developed as the result of living this way.
When I got clean not having the dope life as a constant distraction became hard to deal with at times. Aloty of the time I looked for something else to be wrong. Sometimes I couldn't even recognize my feelings. I defined feelings like this: Good, bad, angry, sad. That was it; I didn't even know how to name them except I didn't like them. Good was so foreign to me i had mistaken it for getting something I wanted: That made me feel good. I experienced NOT getting what I wanted as bad.
So then I made the assumption: If I feel good then God is with me, or I am in God's will. If I feel bad then I reasoned that God is teaching me a lesson. This was a step up because prior to getting clean I hadn't even considered any power greater than dope.
I know less about God today than I believed I knew in the beginning. The evidence of the steps and the principles of Narcotics Anonymous is that as I remain in an attitude of prayer (I believe each thought I have today is a prayer) and focus on the knowledge that there is a power greater than me or my problems in this world I don't always lose those feelings I have labeled as bad, but I am able to accept that they will pass more quickly if I focus on my spiritual life and helping someone else.
Thanks to everyone who shares on this board and know that you aren't alone. We have been blessed with each other and a common focus. Not our own addictions or feelings, but on helping others to overcome thiers.
Thanks Joe! One addict helping another is without parallel,they couldn't have written it or said it any better.Glad your aboard here my friend,we can share our joy ,freedom and happiness as well as our pain...peace!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Excellent share Joe, truly from the heart. Yes indeed, if there is one gift that surpasses all others in our program it is the concept of a personal higher power. I know He has worked miracles in my life.
Joe Great post!! Really hit home. I am newly recovering and happy to be out of the dope life myself!! Getting clean is definately hard but through a higher power I have been able to make it and will continue to be able to make it and so will you. It's nice being able to talk to other addicts such as myself. The understanding and the support is very helpful from those that have gone through and are going through the same things.
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If you question which way to go on a road turn one direction and start going, if you don't feel peace then turn around and go another direction for its when you feel peace you know you are on the right road!
