My home group had our 20th anniversary Broohaha last weekend and it was well attended. We have an anniversary committee that meets most of the year and we spend alot of time planning the anniversary and discussing it in GC.

Many arguments over having it in a hotel, like a convention and the ego that must be involved in that occur every year. Truth is I've been on both sides of the belief system of that and chosen to stay out of it and let the group work it out yearly without my input.

The blank, blank, blank, blank NA Group (that was the name we voted on at the first GC it has since been slightly changed to Group of NA a fact that somehow sticks my ego, I didn't think of the name but I remember who did) opened officially on June 2, 1990. I was one of about 20 people who were involved in the group at its inception (first group conscience and a few weeks prior). There may have been more of us but I recall about 20 at first. We weren't open 24 hours until October 30, 1990.

This weekend I heard about people stating that they were there at the beginning and there were all sorts of arguments about who remembered who being where and when. Several folks called me to ask if I remembered them (I have alot of pictures of the opening and was first treasurer so I am one of the few verifiable ones left). Alot of founding members are dead now. Some died clean, some didn't.

The point of this is that none of this talk of 'I was there and I don't remember you being there' ocurred during my presence. I did witness a lady getting up during the countdown with 2 years more than me, that I would've sworn used to have less clean time than me. That's my memory of it, not reality!

The point to all of this is that I know I haven't used since April 3, 1989. There is not another single living person on Earth who is certain of that information other than me. The information is between me and my higher power.

If I start trying to remember what happened 20 years ago, and base the way I see myself on what happened in the past, what my part was, who else is or was there, what someone else is doing or what they think about it, or the fact that we don't call the group the same name that it opened with, I'm going to go insane.

The fact is I was very active in the group for several years and then faded into an 11 am Sunday meeting a week for many years until attendance dropped very low and we had to move, then I became super JoeB for a couple of years and jumped in until I was satisfied with the attendance again and slid back to my Sunday meeting, occasionally making a Monday night appearance.

The group has operated without any single person being  central to it. History is cool and ego inflating but honest history is lost to each individual's inerperetation. Not only can I not recall facts clearly, I doubt seriously if my own actual involvement fits my memory.

The literature tells me that the ego is the first thing to recover and I am no exception. The truth is that I am still struggling today at times to change my life and remain vigillant that I have a disease that constantly tries to convince me I don't have a disease. The best comments I made this week was silence.

Happy Birthday to my home group, whatever the name is, and whoever was there then doesn't matter at all. Who is there now is all that matters and the most important ones are just walking in without one single thought as to who started what when, they are just sick of living the way they've been living and they may, if they sit down and we can focus on them, stand a snowballs chance in hell of making it to worry about a bunch of bullshit that doesn't really matter like the rest of us!