Hi, Im new to this site but im very interested in what it has to offer. Heres my story. I started using pills at 18. my boyfriend at the time got me hooked on first mainly benzos but it quickly turned to opiates the year i started college. oxycontin was the first one i ever had and after that night i remember thinking to myself this is it. my DOC. needless to say i flunked out my first semester and havent been back since. i continued with any hard opiate i could find around my home town until my connects either got caught or died. i then moved to florida trying to get away from it and start fresh. a month after i moved i was at it again and way harder than before any opiate i wanted was at my fingertips and for very cheap. i got in good with one dealer and ended having up to a thousand dollars fronted at a time in oxy roxi xanax you name it. a year passes and i end up using up a huge front this guy gave me and had to leave to for fear of my life. i moved to new york and was serious about quitting this tiime. months passed after i quit cold turkey (which was hell) i thought i would never smile again during my first weeks here. but after a week or two the physical aspect of the addiction was gone and i was free to start again in yet another state with a clean slate. well i relapsed someone at my work had roxis one day and it just went down again from there. im now 21 and have been doing opiates almost daily or close to it for 4 years. i have dreams, hopes, goals, but i cant seem to get around this habit. ive told my family about it once when i was 19 and my mom accepted it and tried to help me but told me if she caught me addicted again i would be disowned. i want to quit but i want to quit without my mother knowing that i let her down yet again. i just wonder how someone with such a desire to quit cant seem to fill the void and longing without them. i want to go back to school and i want to kick this habit without other medications and without making it public knowledge that i am an addict. im ashamed of what i have become and dont want to live like this anymore. if anyone has any advice on getting started what na is all about or just your general opinion i would love to here from you. i want nothing more than to wake up everyday high on life and not opiates.
Welcome, Kati,, you have nothing to fear but fear itself..........
All are equeal in recovery,, we all belong here regardless of age, race, sex, religion (or lack of it),, geographical location and cultural background !!!!
Keep coming back lov,,this works. One addict can best understand and help another addict.
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Thanks for sharing. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! GET TO A MEETING AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! LET SOMEONE KNOW WHAT YOU ARE FEELING DURING BURNING DESIRE AND SOMEONE WILL TAKE YOU THROUGH! WE WERE ALL FEARFUL AND SOMEDAYS I STILL AM! JUST DON'T USE AND GET TO THE FIRST MEETING YOU CAN RIGHT NOW!
Welcome kaitDO3.... Thank you for sharing where you are at .You dont have to live like this anymore.You can go to NA.ORG and read what our program is about,who is an addict,how it works and other readings that will help bring you to your first meeting,where you be with others just like you and learn how to work at staying clean.You will learn that your recovery is your responsibility and you can learn about our life saving program.We suffer from a physical,mental and spiritual disease that manifests itself in all areas of our lives.Putting down the drugs must come first,but there are things that you can learn to keep you clean "one day at a time".Stick around here ,pick up some information,share what you feel you can.I highly suggest finding a meeting near you.You can Google meeting places in the area where you live and find one to attend.We all had our reservations at first but no longer wanted to live with the pain and Narcotics Anonymous can offer you a new way of life by following suggestions of our program.Hope to hear back from you...
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Welcome home, keep coming back, we all need each other, together we can kick this habit just for today, and find a new way to live!
__________________
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Welcome Kati. I'm pretty new to the site as well. Not so new to NA but I had to be away from all computer access last week and realized how much checking the board regularly and posting when I have something to share has quickly become part of my program. I was away from home and in Salt Lake City, Utah June 14th through the 18th. I made meetings every night and was welcomed every night. Even people that couldn't remember my name would say: Well we see that Texas made it!
Hi Kati. It is so common to hear people in pain say that they want to quit but can't. This is the nature of addiction. It's also not unusual to hear that you don't want your mom to know. but does she really not know? One of the things we addicts think is that we are way slick at hiding our drug use only to find out later that we were fooling nobody but ourselves. daily opiate use for 4 years is going to be hard to kick. But you already know this. The best way to start is by going to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. Try a few different ones, find some women who have a few years clean, and share your story. I wish you well Kati, there will be some pain but it will pass. Once on the other side you will be free to choose the life you wish to lead, not the one forced on you by drugs.
welcome Katy! Please don't be afraid. To tell you the truth I am in somewhat of the same boat as you. I want to be clean so bad but am afraid and don't kbow what to do. But what I have come to realize is that I am not alone, WE are not alone. NA is here for us at all times good or bad you just have to put in a little effort. My best advice is to go to a meeting as soon as possible. Other addicts there will help you and be able to answer all ur questions regarding NA. Just please remembee you are not alone. We are all in this together. Everyone in NA has been there and done that if you know what I mean. :) Again, welcome and keep coming!
Hey there Sister! I guess the most obvious one to start with would be to point out this: the "A" in NA stands for "ANONYMOUS". You don't need to tell anyone you are are an addict that you don't want to.
I do have to agree with avid, though. Chances of Mom already knowing are pretty fair.
avid wrote:
but does she really not know? One of the things we addicts think is that we are way slick at hiding our drug use only to find out later that we were fooling nobody but ourselves......
The best way to start is by going to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. Try a few different ones, find some women who have a few years clean, and share your story.
It seems to me, however, that you are already farther along the path of recovery than many other newcomers. Many of us were not able to admit even to ourselves that we are addicts. I see that you have had some time of abstinance before this. This is what I would like to stress to you:
Clean time does not equal RECOVERY.
Go to several meetings until you find the ones you are comfortable at . 90 in 90 days is the norm. Read the NA Basic Text. Do the NA Steps. Get a sponsor to help you.
Please DO NOT allow your fear of being "FOUND OUT" and disowned keep you from searching out recovery!! This is just the nature of addiction- living in fear and only able to get high at it.
you are not alone ;)
__________________
It's called the Basic Text of Narcotics Anonymous. The Steps are IN the book.
