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NA Message Board -> Narcotics Anonymous Message Board -> Rigidity.....
Post Info TOPIC: Rigidity.....
imikens


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Rigidity.....
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In my home group, actually an AA group, we as a home group have made a commitment to the "open" in "open meeting".  That of course is not the case in all AA meetings.  I've been to open meetings where any discussion other than alcohol is shut down quickly.  Almost hostile fashion in fact.

There is a concept in recovery that while many think they are struggling with low self esteem, we are worms, our over inflated ego is actually the other way.  We think more highly of ourselves than we ought.  Given how we get things crossed up though and our denial, we still hold on to the "I am a worm" thing BUT we think we are very special worms.

I get this feeling from AA folks who think they are "special" in their alcoholism vs. drug addiction.

The other thing that is always amazing to me in the face of the truth is AA's own documentation regarding success rates.  And AA does study itself despite all the common myth in the "rooms" about not over analyzing stuff.  AA's web site has lots of information that is gleaned from "analysis".....

It is a miracle that one person stays sober and clean.  AA's success rate however is not what AA folks either believe it is OR try to sell it as.  AA's success rate has been consistent across the years even when it was the romanticized "old timers" style years to today's more current or contemporary AA.

That success rate hoovers around 30%. 

Again a MIRACLE.  That is quite a good success rate.  But it is not the kind of success rate that was implied in meetings about AA either now or back when "old timers" ruled.

NA has done itself proud.  There is no room from either recovery group to criticize the other or to be so narrow minded about itself as compared to other recovery 12 step groups.

Currently I've been examining envy.  That old character defects survey....  I wonder why envy isn't talked about more.  Once you look at the pieces that make up envy and how those pieces are pert near all the same pieces that describe an addicts mindset, you'd think we'd all be talking about dealing with envy.

It is no surprise to me that 12 Step groups present with a certain amount of envy.  I'd be more surprised that there would be none of this AA. CMA, etc., is special stuff. 

One of the highest values Bill W placed on AA in the beginning was open mindedness and tolerance.   I heard a speech he gave a long time ago that was recorded and put on-line.  He was at one of the general assemblies and he shared that his biggest fear for the future of AA was rigidity.   After attending a few meetings that were "open" and watching them pounce on addicts who were not alcoholics I believe I understand Bill W's concern.







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imikens


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In case anyone is interested this is the site that has lots and lots of stuff including Bill W and Dr. Bob speaking.  You can even watch the Bill W story on-line.

http://silkworth.net/freestuff.html

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Sober and clean Rosie


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I think that aa members as well as na members with a drug of choice other than heroin are and were intimidated by the heroin addicts/junkies personal story's.of coarse the alcohol addict as well as the pot addict and cocaine sniffer and cocaine smoking addicts could relate and identify but they were intimidated by the junkies personal stories.they knew that the junkies did some real damage in their quest to get more.anything and everything to get more narcotics to shoot into their veins.the needle is and was also a very intimidating piece to these people the non heroin addict in the halls those things that the junkies did to get more were only day dreams and fantasy which they did not have the courage to do,,this intimidates the non heroin/junkie drug addict.its been going on for decades.the non heroin drug addicts in na as well as aa could not identify or relate that a drug is a drug because they were intimidated by the junkies.that is probably where and why the cs was born,out of fear of being intimidated. do we not here over and over that we should relate and identify and not compare.
we are very fortunate in na as there is no incorrect language that can be used.
in 1993 the na book it works how and why was published.in this book the traditions are explained in more detail.giving na members more choices and less constraints when they share their own story.this book taught us that there is no incorrect language in our fellowship.what a beautiful thing,a fellowship where we can be ourselves.alcoholic s and addicts sharing and caring the na way,,,,,

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sober and clean Rosie
Raman


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Thers been times when in another felowships meetings I had thoughts like
 "Here,  the oldest timer is the most important person, because he is the one giving it away and we are all just supposed to listen and nod agreement". 

Last night I was faced with the same thoughts and feelings when an oldtimer from that fellowship shared in an NA members anniversary celebration. I got restless when this person began giving a lecture on how things should be. I chose to just get up and walk out and come back after he finished sharing. He'd already shot the prescribed sharing time of 5 minutes and droned on with the lecture for about 14 minutes,, when I began getting restless.
Basically he was the birthday boy's sponsor.
Later, after the meeting, I discussed feelings and actions with otheres and was surprised that they agreed that counter-shares are counter productive and can keep newcomers away.

Later I was thinking how sad it is that we addicts should seek sponsorship outside of NA, where one addict can best understand and help another addict.

Im taking a personal inventory and thinking bhow I could have better helped this birthday boy.

After all, we had done many meetings after meetings, meals and conventions together.
I wish Id at some point or other put across the idea that the "Steps are the soultion"...
But I was afraid that Id be implying control so I just let him be.
An addict like me, hated enforcement of control and still do; only difference is that 12 Steps NA guide me away from reacting to those impulses.

Maybe Il be better prepared for the next addict that comes along asking another addict for help !!!



-- Edited by Raman on Wednesday 16th of June 2010 02:00:53 AM

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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
imikens


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"the junkies personal stories"

I'm sure that is true enough.   We have a couple of junkies in our recovery group.  Their stories are indeed brutal.  But the most brutal stories in the bunch are the female alcoholics/addicts who by selling themselves for their drug of choice found themselves in all sorts of horrific places.  My heart breaks each time I hear their stories.  I am also amazed at how the ones who have gotten healthy and active in their recovery who could reasonably and easily blame those who brutalized and victimized them, those ladies accept responsibility for their disease and where their disease took them.  Those ladies even with their awful stories are more free from their past then the boring white collar guy who keeps trying to make his drinking about his parents who were alcoholics.

Makes my "struggles" and story seem quite whimpy in comparison.



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avid


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Our literature tells us that "we are not responsible for our disease, only our recovery"

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Raman


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Thanks for sharing that  Rosie.

The other night I shared Id been a smack addict..
Then this perosn shares next that I should not name any specific drug.

My freedom was infringed,,, I just got up and walked out of that meeting when the lecture became un-bearable.

That was the only way I could admit Im not only powerless over addictioon but also over this alcoholic who was leacturing us on correct language and behaviour.

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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
avid


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Sometimes when someone "gets" a concept they have to spout about it for a bit.
It's entirely possible that this person was a self righteous know it all who lacks humility.
But I have seen it happen many times (and confess to doing same a time or two myself) where an addict finally has the light go on about a particular NA precept and then feels the need to spread the news, often in an inappropriate way.
Hang on to your seat brother, you earned it.

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Keep it in the day.
Raman


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Thanks Don,,,
Im all for healthy discussions and sharings of ones viewpoints............
In fact I defened an addicts right to share their viewpoints....

But like you say, its got to be done in an appropriate way..

The route or avenue for that discussion should not be that I want to prove Im better than or that I know more....

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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Raman


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yes, that person has been heard saying all the wrong things....has become a habit with him....
he likes to countershare, contradict and also was caught saying he was the founder of NA in Bangalore....

Luckily for us and our unity,,, he has become an object of ridicule and has no real standing whatsoever,,,except with a few simplistic addicts who take him as sponsor and do the
"instant step work with him"...

This guy takes addicts thru a one week "crash course" on steps,,,
God and us know what crashes after that quick course.......

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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Tahir


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Ability to be spontaneous is a great blessing and freedom that recovery has brought into my life, from being trapped by the destructive nature of rigidity that I practiced all along as an active addict.

Also, open-mindedness and tolerance, as shared by one of us above, I've found to be quite useful and powerful to exercise in a NA setting...

thank you all for sharing your perceptions, was quite a learning to read all the posts here...

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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting." Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Raman


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Thanks for sharing about the tolerance bit Tahir,,
I could well work on that a bit !!!

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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
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