I would really appreciate if each of you could share about your experiences with alcohol and how you came to terms with the fact that 'alcohol is a drug'. I have a friend/NA member who relapsed after many years clean, by picking up a drink.
He was even sharing today that he needs help with his scary thinking that he has no problem with drinking as such.
I know that just like our Group Readings say, we tend to view alcohol separately and this has caused many of us to relapse. I request members who could relate to kindly share how they dealt with this confusion with the help of the NA program.
Maybe I can ask him to log in here and read your shares on this issue. Please share.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I look at my disease as the hole in my soul that I can try to fill with anything even clean. It is the space in me that keeps me from my HP.
I remember being new in recovery thinking alcohol was never my thing. But as I stayed clean I realized if I couldn't get drugs....I would drink. It was something to fill the space and take the edge off.
After being in recovery for sometime and becoming a productive member of society with some distance from the horrors of active addiction, my disease started to play tricks on me.
The built in forgetter kicked in one holiday season....I had to attend alot of work parties and was aware of the endless stream of sparkly pretty wine comercials on tv. I started to think I too deserved a glass of merlot just like my friends.
I did not realize at the time but those feelings were such a gift. By sharing about it in meetings and looking at what was really going I became more aware of my disease. If I truly beilieve our literature....Jails, Institutoions and Death.
I know today that if I use any mind alterning substance, I will eventually end up in one of those places. It might be "pretty" to begin with but eventually I will be right back to the place I left off or even worse. Just for today I am not willing to pay the price for testing our literature.
Alcohol is not my drug of choice. Actually I don't really care for it very much. There are a couple of beer brands though that I really like, but the feeling of alcohol intoxication is not especially pleasant to me. I can honestly say that alcohol is not a problem for me. Yet I don't drink. When I surrendered to the program of Narcotics Anonymous I surrendered. period. I have been offered a beer by neighbors and such, but I decline. To take the beer would be degrading to me in my own eyes. And there in lies the danger. I have committed myself to a program of complete abstinence from all mind and mood altering substances. If I drink a beer then I have done what I have done my whole life. That is, to break a commitment because I feel like it. Ours is a program of change. If nothing changes then nothing changes. I don't drink because feeling good about myself now that I am willing to stand up for something and stick to it no matter what is better than any beer buzz.
Before I began the process of Narcotics Anonymous I really didnt know if I was drunk who was a drug addict,or a drug addict who was a drunk.By learning I suffer from the disease of "addiction' all that is settled with me.I can never use any 'MIND ALTERING MOOD CHANGING SUBSTANCES AGAIN OR I WILL DIE!! I always drank and I always used,just one was easier to get than the other.This disease permeates my life and the solution is in my belief in the God of my understanding and working the spiritual principles of our program!!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I have had no problem with thinking of alcohol as a drug,,, it seems to be the oldest in common use...
I began with rum and friends,, the grass,, tabs,, LSD,, then opium and smack. I ahd ahad a lot to drink, among them being beer, gin, rum and coke,,pheni, scotch.
My history shjows that each time I drank, I got drunk.
Now here is a point in my history that would illustrate the truth that thinking of alcohol as a "safe option", harmless drug has caused addicts to repalse back to the drug of their choice.
Year is 1986, I have just finished a two month, agonizing clean time after spending couple of weeks in hospital detox. Id tried to get back to living and was wondering how. Smack had become the focus of mylife, so I knew that I had to stay away from it and the psychs said so too. Moreover, Id had advice from perhaps well meaning people but mis-informed people who'd say to me "Forget the smack pal,, just drink with us, go back home, have a meal and sleep; all will be well". Id scoffed at those suggestions becasue I was a smackie and even little bit of alcohol had spoiled my trip.
After this last hospitalization and horrendous clean time, I happened to be visited by a using pal. He had suggested we get high. Id said "No I cant, Ive spent time in hospital". To which he'd said " Come on man, a little beer cannot do any harm". I believed him, the pain of staying clean was too great and beer seemed a safe option.
We went to that tavern, after Id borrowed a tenner from Ma. She'd asked me "What's it for ?" " A bottle of beer" I'd said " Youve gone completely mad" she said. I simply looked at her as if to say "You'd never understand" and I went and had that beer with my using aquaintance.
When the drink began to take effect, I remember thinking " Man, I should have thought of this before". Then began the cravings for more. First was the taverns that sold cheaper liquor. then it was downers. Then the inevitable happens and I meet up my using buddy and we smack oyt again. In a short while, Im back to full-time using, only this time addiction was back in my life with vengeance.
Thank God that I was saved by a miracle, but for the foucs of this topic, I think the above experience had shown me that alchol is a drug. Using drungs in any form releases addiction in me all over again.
Most importanatly, my profession as saxophonist takes me to places where theres usually alcohol served. I steer clear of the people that are loaded, and steer clear of any delusional thinnking. God, as Ive experienced in the 12 Steps NA makes it possible to stay clean lose the desire to use.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Didn't have any terms to come with in regards to it being a drug. Even before I understood the brain chemistry dynamic and how we're talking about what chemical reactions happen in the central nervous system with addiction I didn't think alcohol was any different than any other drug.
It is actually a very interesting study to get the bigger picture about how the chemistry of our brains and central nervous system and addiction work together. Opiates impact on the limbic system, the neuro transmitter receptors of the central nervous system, etc., helped me a great deal to "see" how my addiction worked.
Also when you get the bigger picture its hard to not see caffiene, nicotine, etc., in a a similar light.
When we agree we do drugs because we like the effect, understanding what causes that "effect" helps me see healthy ways I can trigger my body to respond so that I experience a similiar effect.
Doing the next right thing, being healthy in relationships, going for walks, being my best, having integrity, proper nutrution, etc., I end up in a much better place with a similar effect because I've caused my body to behave as God intended. There is nothing wrong with the effect we desired.
While we are more than our parts, more than our biochemistry, the effect we desire is in part due to neurochemistry. Drugs, foreign chemicals, follow the same steps in our bodies as our body's "natural" chemicals.
For me understanding the biochemistry/neurochemistry of addiction helped me in my recovery.
Thank you so much my dear MIP friends for sharing your precious ESH on this. I hope you don't mind if I share this precious collective wealth of wisdom with my friend. You never know what one of us has shared here would be just the thing my friend would need to hear/read!
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
