DeltaRedd1984 wrote:

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On Monday I picked up my 1 year anniversary token in Al-Anon.

Today, I had to tell my husband of 13 years that he would not be able to come to our home after he completes treatment.  We have been separated for a year, I asked him to leave our home after he refused to go into treatment.

My husband was in jail for 2 months and has been in this treatment facility for the past 8 months.  He has made excellent progress and is currently working with an excellent sponsor.  Needless to say, he did not like the decision I made.

My husband has accumulated so much financial and legal baggage since leaving our home last year.  He has no driver licenses, no vehicle (sold to crack man), works a part-time minimum wage job (lost his good job last year) and is 45 years old.  I still love him and told him that after he lightens his baggage and stay sober he can come home.  My greatest fear is that he will fail and give up and decide to seek out someone else (another women) who can be his enabler.

I have leaned in Al-Anon that I have no control over another person, place or thing.  The over person I have any control over is me.  By working with my sponsor and working the 12 steps, I know that the decision I made is a good one for my life, health and peace of mind but the decision I made to say NO still hurts; and that is ok because it hurts to say NO to the person I love.

-- Edited by DeltaRedd1984 on Thursday 10th of June 2010 03:22:03 PM

 

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Living my live the way my HP intends.

 

Absolutely Delta,I can definitely Identify as I shared my story with you about my now 24 year old son. One thing you are aware of is that there are 2 different scenarios. one with the addict at home,one when they are somewhere else.Some of the most rest we had was  when my son was locked up in jail.We knew he wasn't robbing,shooting dope,and od'ing.When you surrender it all to the "care" of God as you know,you take the actions but leave God to handle results. We knew by putting our son on the street in the worse condition possible,95 lbs,strung out and in the grips of a severe jones,that death was a possibility.We also struggled with some tenets of our faith beliefs ,but also knew We asked God to take care" and we stepped out on faith.When my 3rd wife ,walked out on me 6 months after we were married,my insanity was not doing same and expecting different results,I didnt care I knew what the results would be that was my insanity.It took,God's grace,a searching inventory  to make a choice of life,and then I was ready to surrender completely.We all have fears of the "what ifs" but God already knows about them so continue working your process,(recovery)let him work his and take each day as it comes.We are human,fallen and will have to allow God to do for us what we coulnd'nt do for ourselves...Congrats on your 1 year chip.Our illness waits patiently for an opening.Put on the armor of the God of your understanding each day,trust in Him and continue to move forward.It is painful,but the life you were leading  was also painful,I would surmise even more so.I am glad you have found a support group to help you learn some tools.Remember we do this one day at a time,some have just been treating themselves a little longer than others.. Good to hear from youI I will lift you both up in my daily office each day..

Sometimes the pain of letting go seems greater than the pain of hanging on,,
but the pain of letting go and movin on is better than the pain of hanging on,,,

Relationships,,,,!!"£$$%^&*()_&&&&&

The toughest part of my recovery always and still is,,
I wonder when that will cahnge, if it ever will.

I draw hope from the words
"Relationships can be a terribly painful area because we tend to fantasize and project what will happen" (Basic Text)

So i now know the source of that pain.

A great act of courage and love! Thanks for sharing this!