What was your drug of choice?

Also are you under a medical doctor's care?  There are some very healthy nutriional supplements that might help.  I suggest you take a look at this web site.  Dr. Amen is not some flake. 

http://www.amenclinics.com/

Things like SamE, 5-HTP, etc., do and might help you.  But I would strongly advise you go through your doctor before doing anything.

If you were deceived here and have suffered because of it, then you caution is wise. You know who you can trust here. Reach out to them.
This is an internet forum and as such is accessible to anyone. IMHO there is always a possibility on any forum that some people are not who they claim to be. Manon, this is not a time for you to be taking unnecessary risks. You need to play it safe and be nurtured by those who you know care for you.

I have been here since may 2005 who says you can say who shares this has been my family for years and one of my only sources of support
if you go to face to face meetinmgs they say in the opening that our drug of choice is not important it is what you can do about your problem and how can we help am I right if you wanna argue I refuse to do it here it is NOT appropriate
take your own inventory

-- Edited by Manon on Thursday 10th of June 2010 08:21:39 AM

"our drug of choice is not important"

This is not a meeting and you are talking about symptoms that could very much be related to your drug of choice.

We also talk about being open minded.  Yes?

Anyway seems like you have a particular dialog you are looking for and my input is not what you want.  I'm sure you'll get what you are looking for.  Play the victim card a few more times as I'm guessing that usually works well for you to get your desired outcome.

Might help if you make a t-shirt.  "Hi, I'm a person who something bad has happened to.  Please feel sad for me today but do NOT challenge me to change."

Talk to your doctor about your current symptoms.  Seems to me something is going on.  See what your doctor says about Dr. Amen's information.

Best of luck to you "person who was victimized here".

-- Edited by Manon on Thursday 10th of June 2010 08:39:33 AM

-- Edited by Manon on Thursday 10th of June 2010 09:34:09 AM

Even when I pray and meditate regularly I can wake up, seemingly for no reason, and feel a heaviness that I don't truly understand the reason for. It may be a dream that I can't recall, I don't always know. That started when I was a pretty young kid and used to seem very real. Today it seems real only for a few seconds but that didn't come over night.

As I've tried to work the steps, learned to trust a sponsor, one person at a time I've developed a support group. Now that being said, my mind is not always the most honest friend I have. From what I've seen we recover at different paces in different areas of our lives. As people no two of us are the same. It's our disease that unites us to a common solution.

I have been clean 21 years and have had the same sponsor for 20 of those years. I can still decide he's the enemy when I don't like the way he's presented something or reacted to something. We've had periods of falling out that have lasted up to a couple of months. But the asshole has never left my side when I needed him no matter what.
I didn't pick him 20 years ago because I liked him, I actually thought he had no personality. I chose him because he was the only guy in the group with clean time and that wasn't a teenager. I guess you could say God put him in my way, not in my life. He's always the first for everything when I have a recovery moment. He's the first one I blame and the first one I forgive. All he really wants in his life is to stay clean and help others. The rest is just Bullshit.

Please whatever you do keep coming back and know that this will pass, and may as you say, come again, but that will pass as well.

"I have deleted post on the principle b4 personality

Ah so my personality is the source of your frustration now?  Someone else is yet again responsible for some kind of unplesantness you are experiencing?

I'm sorry but the pattern or m.o. is quite clear.  And you come to a forum about addiction with other addicts who believe in rigorous honesty and you attempt to blame me for some kind of reaction you are having for me doing nothing more than telling you something that just might be true?

What I suggest is that you take this moment and choose to reach a different conclusion.  You know, that open minded thing?

You know, that place where you say, "Hey this dude is bugging me.  He must be hitting something close to home that is true.  What's that about?" instead of this passive aggressive hostile thing, "well I'm once again a victim of someone's lousy personality but I'll be the bigger person and put 'principles before personalities'" crap.

I wish for you to be well and not have to deal with what you are experiencing.

I'm sorry but I have to wonder if you are really willing to give up what your victimhood is buying for you.

Whatever its buying you seems to be worth enough that you are willing to pay what it is obviously costing you.

i AM ONLY RESPONSIBLE FOR ME AND MY ACTIONS AS WELL AS REACTIONS i AM OLD ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO FIGURE THAT OUT

Love you Manon,,
take the best and leave the rest,,
hugs girl,,,,,,
Im with you in the spirit...

Can you feel me giving you a gentle rub on your forehead and masaging the temples ?

Now do you feel my thumbs on your soles,, giving you some reflexology,,,
Can you feel the overwhelming serenity and Goodness.

You are within a loving energy and nothing can hurt you,,

"LET ME BE PLEASE MY SANITY HANGS IN PAREL"

Huh? 

And while I appreciate the white board note manon, I don't do white board.  We're addicts.  Everything I do is out in the open in the forum.

So I need to be told honey is better than vinegar.

Again the pattern.  No one is telling you vinegar.  By labeling it vinegar you can what dismiss what I've shared or make what I've shared about me and using vinegar?

Do you not see the pattern?

If you are so brittle your sanity is hanging in balance what in the world are you doing here?  Do you find the dramatic effective for manipulating others?