hello, i havent visited for a while but thats because things at home are good. I have used this site in the past for my husband who has an addiction to pot. But since feb this year has been sober and doing great. one day at a time but im very proud and feeling positive. today though im here for my brother. he is dying and i dont know what i can do. he is a raging alcholic and daily abuser of pot. he is 52. by now i would have thought that he had hit rock bottom but it still hasnt happened. his marriage is over (has been for years) children dont want to know about him. his health is terrible. already had a stent put in because he is getting blood clots. naturally he doesnt eat so he is very thin. apparently his teeth are terrible ( i havnt seen him for a while because he lives interstate) and he has now lost his job. he doesnt drive. lives alone and has no friends. he will be homeless soon because he cant pay his bills because he isnt getting any assistance from the govt and as i said has no job. he is now selling his possessions (which believe me isnt much) the only thing of any value would be his record collection. I know that he has to help himself but is there any advice on some words of wisdom that i can say to him that may make him sit up and listen. he doesnt have to be alone. he is the eldest of 5 siblings and has a mother that loves him. plus extended family. i feel that if he were to die and i didnt attempt to help him in some way. i will never forgive myself.
Honey, you already know from your experience with your husband that it's up to the addict to seek help, employ that help and to get better. You couldn't do it for your husband and you can't do it for your brother. Sadly, he is getting what using addicts get. You can find a program in his area and tell him that help is available and where. Beyond that, you're really powerless.
Have you sought the help of a nar-anon or al-anon group for yourself? I think you would benefit greatly from really getting in touch with what your role is in terms of addicted loved ones.
HUG!
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The truth does not change based on my inability to stomach it - Flannery O'Connor
My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance and in inverse proportion to my expectations - Michael J. Fox
Oh my. I heard nothing that made me think he is willing to give up using. My thought is perhaps a call to the local NA or AA hotline and ask if some members would do a 12th step call and come see your brother and give him the message. The al anon or nar anon suggestion is an excellent one for you. They can really help you cope.
Yes with no implied endorsement,I attend Naranon for help with my co-dependence for my son ,24 years old,in recovery from opiate addiction,.MIP and NA for me and another program for co-dependency..Both programs have taught me a new way to live and by doing the work,I maintain my recovery one day at a time...welcome here.keep coming back!!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Getting involved in Nar-Anon or even CoDA helps me a lot from time to time from getting obsessed about my loved one who is also an addict. Keeps me aware of my codependency issues. I was watching this CSI episode the other day where one of the twin sisters get murdered, and the other is lost deep in drugs and using. When it's suggested that she must be helped, maybe locked up in a rehab or something, one of them says "we cannot help her unless she wants to be helped." So true...
That apart, me being a recovering addict too, at times, it could be really unbearably painful to detach, to practice respect for self and the other, and to act with integrity. There's almost always a deep cry in me to save my loved one, or to be nasty with them if they don't behave, or to feel like a victim... While using, I believe there was less drama in context of drugs, but today, having to deal, live, support and co-exist with my mother, brothers, sisters, my wife, friends in the fellowship, it could get very dramatic for me, I could very easily stop living my life, and end up carrying others' cross.
One great lesson of humility and powerlessness, of feeling the need to come to believe in a Higher Power's care, was when my father suffered for more than 2 years and eventually died of cancer a year and a half back. That's when I realized what I can do about a loved one's pain and what I must look up to, to the grace of a Higher Power, to give me and the other the strength to cope with the pain...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
