Relapsing; may I ask for some encouragement

753W · Member

Relapsing; may I ask for some encouragement

rocky · Senior Member

i have been there and not that long ago don't beat yourself up to bad do the do get to meetings share your pain in the rooms we have all been there done that if i let all the guilt i have in me rule me i would be dead you have to surrender give it to your higher power and start a meaningful recovery i will pray for you and try to help as will everyone here as i said we have been there and done that and some of us even have the shirt

MIKEF · Guru

Hey 753w....welcome, we are addicts that suffer from physical,mental and spiritual manifestations in all parts of our lives.I believe you are doing this because you most likely fit the description.Even though we make the admission of our devastation to ourselves and others we have to also surrender and realize the second part of our dilemma is an unmanageability in all areas of our lives. On the contrary addicts are not weak,the energy,effort and will it takes to keep chasing that next one and continually being dishonest with ourselves takes a sick kind of strength.Our real strength comes when we are able to incorporate the spiritual foundation of our program, Narcotics Anonymous into our lives, our first 3 steps,in laymens terms.(Step 1) Honestly admit that what we are doing is not working ,we can;t seem to stop our using and we are certainly unmamageable(step 2)be willing to admit we need help outside ourselves( coming to believe)(Step 3) and asking for help and moving aside to let it happen(,making that decision to let a HP work in our lives )I would only suggest finding a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, show up,if you can, share whats going on,if not just feel the love and keep coming back,follow the suggestions.We have all been where you are and their is no need to apologize,,our solution(the steps) will eventually get you there.!..We learn the tools that help us manage all parts of our lives by trusting in a Higher Power ,that is loving and caring and can be whatever you need it to be.Let it at least be the members at your first meeting,you don't have to understand it just learn to love yourself and like we say we'll love until you can love yourself....Stick around ,our primary purpose is to carry the message of hope and the promise of freedom from active addiction.We can do this together,one day at a time..Hope to hear more from you smile

-- Edited by MIKEF on Saturday 5th of June 2010 12:25:36 AM

Raman · Guru

Youre in the right place,,I believe at the right time.

avid · Guru

Our literature answers your question very clearly.
"The solution is in the steps"
Go to meetings and find a sponsor, then begin working the steps.
"Self centered obsession is the core of our disease" it seems as though you have made a breakthrough by just discovering this fact.
the steps are designed to get you out of yourself, to rid you of the guilt, shame, fear, anger, resentments, and self hate that keep you tied to drugs.
I tried everything else over the course of many years, but this is the only thing that has worked for me.
I know it can do the same for you.

Tahir · Member

Making meetings everyday, making it one day (at times it was one hour at a time for me I remember) at a time clean, trying to call NA members at times of intense craving to use, and just like Avid shared above, working the Steps gave me the strength to stay stopped finally...

At times relapse could be the jarring experience that could bring about a more rigorous application of the NA program into our lives, it was so for me. That way, it could just be the stepping stone that could propel us with more fortitude and resolve to make a day clean, and to go to any lengths to stay clean, just as I did in context of my using...

One thing that helped me was what fellow members told me - there's nothing wrong or shameful about relapsing, as addicts we are subject to a relapse anytime. The real mistake or pain is in not getting up after a stumble and a fall, in not shaking the debris off our selves and start to walk again into the fellowship. The more I relapsed after a few days or weeks or months clean, the more I came back to NA, with vengeance. I used two of my defects of character in fact, but for a different reason for a change - I was stubborn (I just did not want to give up trying), I was defiant to my addiction (I rebelled and just did not want my addiction to win). I came back to the rooms, I kept sharing that I don't want to continue using, that I wanted to stop, I did not know how, and that I needed help. I cried out loud "Help Me Please"! Even if I had to do it again and again...

Tahir · Member

Dear 753W, you are not at all whiny and week.

It takes great courage to share about a relapse, and you are very brave there. From our weakness comes our strengths. The first step of recovery that I could take after a relapse is by sharing about it and reaching out for help, and I see you do it here. Keep the miracle alive and flowing, coming to believe in this process could change our lives forever, It Works!

JoeB · Senior Member

I kept coming back after multiple relapses. My first clean date was 10 years before my current clean date. I did everything that an addict can do as far as relapses were concerned: I came back, re-established so many times that eventually I would go back an NOT re-establish.

In those days the passage was on P.52 it's Chapter 5 What Can I do?

...Stop using for today. Most of us can do for eight or twelve hours what seems impossible for a longer period of time. If the obsession or compulsion becomes too great, put yourself on a five minute basis of not using. Minutes will grow to hours, and hours to days, so you will break the habit and gain some peace of mind. The real miracle happens when you realize that the need for drugs has in some way been lifted from you. You have stopped using and started to live.

This works today for me. I'll never forget how embarrassed I was to tell old friends that I had changed my clean date yet again to April 3, 1989. I used to be ashamed of that date even after I got clean. It seems like dinosaur era to most folks today and the truth is it seems like yesterday to me but the shame is gone.

No matter what is a club. I'm the president and you're a welcome member! I'd like to hear from you.

I pray for you as well.

missyh90 · Veteran Member

You are in the right place! Trust that the process is working and just don't use for 24 hours. If 24 hours is to long of a time frame try the next 10 minutes, then another 10 minutes and so on. One of the biggest gifts I have gotten from recovery is finding out that I don't have to use even when I want to. I never knew that until memebers of NA taught me.

When I was in detox it was suggested that I ask a power greater than myself to remove the obsession. I remember that like yesterday because it was my first prayer. From that prayer my life has transformed into a life that I did not know was possible for me.

Believe that We believe you can do it! Hang in and hold on....this will be the ride of your life!

imikens · Senior Member

My advice may not be the norm. I have a hard time understanding how at one moment we define insanity as doing the same things over and over expecting a different result but in the advice we give about replapsing is "do the steps more harder..."

If it didn't work the way you did it before, doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is what?

There are lots of resources out there. Terrence Gorski is one of the better known. Lots of work books, folks around the country that meet to do nothing but focus on Gorski's work and relapse prevention. So there is help. You are not alone nor is relapsing "special". You are an addict. Nothing more, nothing less and nothing special about your addiction.

I offer this advice. Yes advice. This isn't a meeting afterall. In my addiction I did everything I could to make "out there" look good. Strategy of course was if I made everything look good "out there" I must be okay "in there". Look good outside, I'm good inside. Of course doesn't work. But that was my strategy for living. Lots of others too. Drugs were part of the whole game and numbed me to the reality of I was not ok "inside" as well delayed facing the bigger truth, how I was living my life was flawed.

But the focus of my life and fixing my problems was "out there".

I hope that makes sense because if it doesn't, this next step won't either.

Your post reads like you are looking for something "out there" to keep you sober.

The thing is that "out there" strategy works. At least works for awhile. So it is deceptive. Seems to work, must be "right". It doesn't work in long run and it leads to being what is called a "dry drunk".

I will offer another piece of advice. Relapsing is sometimes about being addicted to the drama of relapse and then "recovery". We most certainly do substitute one addiction for another. We can easily be addicted to the emotions and drama that we experience in relapsing and back into recovery.

If you want to stay sober and are willing to go to any length to do so I suggest getting to Gorski's web site and find someone in your area who will put you through, it is work, Gorski's stuff. Gorski's stuff is practical, starts out with a nice blend of "outside stuff" for accountability, then moves you right into the "inside stuff" so you can stop the replapse cycle.

http://www.tgorski.com/

-- Edited by imikens on Wednesday 9th of June 2010 03:46:58 PM

salvagable · Veteran Member

You need to get your self in tretmenat ASP my friend, what's the sense of asking for support if your not willing to do the footwork.. good luck

753W · Member

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm going to meetings now. I am using the five minutes at a time approach. I guess I expected that I was somehow above the risk of relapse and didn't give myself any room to learn from mistakes. Yesterday is something I cannot change, but I can change what I do today.

imikens you are right that I am looking for something "out there." Your post contains much food for thought that will need some time to digest.

Tahir · Member

glad to hear that you're doing well, fellowship hugs.

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