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NA Message Board -> Narcotics Anonymous Message Board -> 94 days today...
Post Info TOPIC: 94 days today...
reesiecup722


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94 days today...
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I'm so happy and proud of myself. But there's a few things bugging me...

1) My mother is constantly inviting me to family cookouts which consist of lots of drinking. She doesn't know about my addiction (although knew I was using), so she doesn't understand why I quit drinking. I'm not ashamed of who I am as a recovering addict. But I am TERRIFIED to have my family black-list me and treat me like they did my cousin who was an addict and as a result, a thief. I never stole from anyone to feed my addiction, but they won't know that. Or believe it, really. And I guess why should they? My cousin was a poster child for addiction and all the negative things that come with it. But I'm different. I WANT to be clean and sober, no matter how hard it is. I didn't get thrown into rehab against my own will. I decided on my own to get clean. I decided on my own to recover and leave this potentially devastating life. And I'm not trying to say I'm a better person than anyone who's been clean and sober as a result of an intervention. Everyone is different. But What do I do about my family? How can I get them to stop offering me things that are going to hurt my progress without being the black sheep?

2) I am scheduled for shoulder surgery on June 14. I am so afraid that taking the pain killers, even as needed, is going to screw up my sobriety. My doctor has agreed to give me a prescription for Ultram if I don't want to fill the hydrocodone... And I'm not going to make a decision until I see how much pain I'm in. Somebody please tell me that if I take this as prescribed that I'm not going to jeopardize my sobriety... please... And the damn dreams about using? The ones that I wake up from covered in sweat, and freaking out that I was high... How do I make them stop??


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MIKEF


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First and foremost congratulations on 94 days clean,a miracle in itself!!!You say your mom knew you were using so that is a way to address the issue with her.Honesty is a big part of our recovery and sometimes there may be consequences.You may suggest to your mom that you are leaving all that alone because you don't want to go down that road.That should be enough explanation,Anyone else asked you can just say "no thanks Im not drinking or whatever..Keep your focus on what you said "you WANT 'to be clean.You are responsible for your recovery,not what everyone else thinks.I do understand being blackballed,blacksheeped etc.I think most of us here have assumbed that role sometime or another.Once you get clean you will "have choices,and staying focused doing recovery work(steps,support groups,sponsorship etc) can keep you going forward..Last part .We have NA approved literature that you can google called"In times of Illness" It will explain all the situations when confronted with using medications.yOU CAN gOOGLE na.org or just PuNch up 'iN TIMES OF iLLNESS. Dreams may take ahile.My 24 year old son in recovery from IV opiate addiction HAD VIVID DREAMS FOR AWILE.there are different kinds of meds etc(Benzo's and likes) but be careful and check with a doctor first.we are not medical people and would never advise or suggest without proper medical advise.You are responsible for letting Doctor know you are an addict so they don't give you something not right for an addict..,looks like you already doing that..Give yourself a break and try to do this"a day at a time" I can feel your mind running rampant by your post(thats okay:) I also got runaway brain!!)Now that drugs are diminishing in your body ,life gonna come at you full force while your "unmedicated  ,sometimes chicken ,sometimes feathers,,but all better than being in the grip..You'll be okay ,let us know how its going  good to hear back from you   A simple honest message of being in recovery from addiction...........peacesmile 



-- Edited by MIKEF on Thursday 3rd of June 2010 02:09:24 PM

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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery. 
avid


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In step 1 we admit that we are powerless over our addiction and our life is unmanageable. Does that sound like you?
You can maintain your anonymity by not telling your family that you are an addict. But if you answered "yes" to the question, then you can't use. It's that simple.
Tell them you choose not to drink or smoke or whatever they consider social and acceptable. they may or may not hassle you or jump to conclusions...You have no control over that.
Your in a tough spot for sure.
I tried this for awhile but it never worked. I was only able to stay clean when I told people close to me that I was in a program and that I had to abstain from all substances. I never used the word "addict" I never said " I can't drink this or do that because it will make me........." I just said I'm in a program and I don't use anything. I asked people to respect my decision and most did. There was a little tension with a few people, but actually, it was pretty slight.
You say you never stole to get money for your addiction. That's a miracle. Most of us have. If you work the program you won't have to find out just how low your bottom can be.
Keep coming back. Please.

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Keep it in the day.
Tahir


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Congrats on the BIG 94 Miracles! Way to go!

Reading these two pieces of NA literature has helped me a lot to find clarity and direction whenever I had a situation where I had to take pain medication in my recovery. Hope reading these helps you too...

Here are the links to these pieces of literature...

This first one is a NA Booklet called "In Times of Illness"

http://www.na.org/admin/include/spaw2/uploads/pdf/litfiles/us_english/Booklet/In%20Times%20of%20Illness.pdf

Certain excerpts from Chapter 10 (the last chapter of part 1 in Basic Text) - More Will Be Revealed - have also been very helpful in guiding me through such medication-situations in my recovery.

http://www.na.org/admin/include/spaw2/uploads/pdf/BT6E_Webposting.pdf

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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting." Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
rocky


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congrats on the clean time

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 some of us win some of us lose with god and this program i will  be a winner
Raman


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Congrats on 94 !!!

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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Fiesty


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Congrats on your clean time - that is huge - my suggestion is to talk to your sponsor also - If you don't have one get one - It's important - also I suggest to folks all the time be safe and not hang out with people who are using or drinking - family or not - at one point in your recovery you may be able to go to family functions and such where liquor is served - I was taught I better have a good reason to be there and to be grounded and have a back up plan - We can not hide from the world - but at 94 days it might be a good idea to not show up - just my thoughts - I today trust that I can go to a function as long as the main function is not drinking - - and for sure I go NO place where "crack" is served.  Hope that helps

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Tahir


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It must be day 97 today clap.gifclap.gifclap.gif

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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting." Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
reesiecup722


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Yes, Tahir. 97 days today :)

Thank you all for your support and suggestions. I have talked to my sponsor. And I have done a lot of reading and such in an attempt to mentally prepare myself for surgery. I have a friend who is going to handle the prescription for me, and medicate as needed, and only as directed. I am very lucky to have a friend willing to take the time out of his days and come over just to help me stay out of pain. I have decided that the first week I will follow the doctor's directions with whatever medication he prescribes, and then after that, I'm off them and on OTC NSAIDs. I would rather be in a little pain than risk my sobriety. Pray for me, please. Pray for my strength.

I also told my mother today, that I was done with everything that I had been doing, and it's my choice that I wanted to remain clean of drugs and alcohol. I did not say the word addict, but I didn't need to. She first nodded in a form of approval (in her own way) and then very snidely remarked that she would not stop drinking because of me. I told her that I wasn't going to push my lifestyle changes on to her, but I did not want to be pressured by her either. So, it went better than I thought... So at least that's one less thing to worry about.

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MIKEF


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Excellent reesiecup722,bet you feel better be honest with your moms!!Will keep you in prayer..Let us know how its going!!smile

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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery. 
Tahir


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Wow, that sounds like great communication and respect for each other going by the interaction between you and mom, quite inspiring... recently I've been struggling a little bit in my communication with mom, have been lacking in making use of the Program there, am quick to get irritated and snapping back at her when she says something which is not to my liking.

Me and mom have been in great terms and understanding since I started working the Steps 5 years back, the recent undesirable development shows that maybe I've gotten complacent with my Program...

reesiecup722, best wishes for your speedy recovery, and that's wonderful you have a friend who can support you regarding medication issues. A Power greater than me has always been a great leveler for me when I had to take medication in recovery, keeping me focused on my desire to stay clean no matter what!

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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting." Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
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