I live in a fairly small town, there are only a few meeting locations, and it's generally the same people at each meeting, though over this last year I've discovered a very significant amount of people have been lieing about their clean time, some of these people are going up and getting their 10 year.. 15 year.. 20 year.. tags and chips, and I come to know them better and I find that some of them are selling drugs, some of them are drinking, some are smoking pot..etc justifying these things by saying these drugs were never their problem.
This week 6 more members with significant amounts of "clean" time have been added to this list. I feel completely demoralized, this is such a profound corruption. My faith in the program and meetings has been shaken.
Am I just being naïve? Is this normal? I could accept that a few people were like this at meetings when I first found out, but the more time that goes by the more I find out. When these people share I can't focus on the meetings, I completely lose the message, and that is never good for my recovery.
I need to hear some outside perspectives on this please.
I think this happens all over, though perhaps not as bad as your area. My old sponsor and I talked about this once and he said that clean time is pretty much a personal thing. No one knows for sure how much time anyone has except themselves. There are times when I have seen a member openly "bust" someone on falsely picking up keytags. I don't know that I would do that, but I understand why. The important thing is that you keep your recovery going forward no matter what the people around you might do.
Hey Scott! yes this can be frustrating and Bulletin#29 on NA.ORG gives some infromation on traditions,group autonomy,being allowed to share,substitute medication ,being clean etc.I have seen people being called out for collecting key tags at meetings when others knew they were still using.Our 3rd tradtion talks about only the "desire to stop using" and its and unknown area for us to know someone elses desire.You are responsible for your own recovery and you and your HP know where you are in that area.Take what you need(you may not need ESH from those whom you may think "not only don't have the desire but are not clean)leave the rest for later.Group conscience also takes over some meetings if its blatant and affects NA as a whole..Don't get discouraged man,do your work,we can send a message of recovery even in silence by how we live. our lives!....
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
i have seen this before myself it can be a kick in the pants but i take what i need and leave the rest i surround myself with people that i can trust and work my program this is what works for me
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some of us win some of us lose with god and this program i will be a winner
Scott, keep the faith in the NA Program, I have learned to not judge the NA Program as such based on individual NA members and their way of being. This is one way I've become aware that my addiction could act up, manipulating me into selectively observing what's wrong and how defective a particular NA member or members are, constantly looking for how sick others in NA are, so that my disease could conveniently edge out NA meetings and the fellowship out of my life, by permitting me to avoid NA as part of my recovery. Very deceptive and dangerous trap my addiction could spring on me.
The slogan 'Stick with the winners' helps. I realized that I could always choose to focus on members whose sharing I find attractive, whose recovery I want to aspire and emulate. If searched with an open mind, one can always find such warm, caring and program-centered members in any NA fellowship. And that's all we need.
It is sad that some members go astray inspite of being in the fellowship but then that's why we need NA meetings, fellowship and the Program isn't it? I can never be cured. I still suffer from addiction, and given an opportunity, my disease can rear its ugly head, releasing my addiction all over again. So it is with these exceptions/members. It's them today, it could very easily be me or you tomorrow if we edge out the NA program from our daily recovery. That's what we suffer from. Addiction is cunning and baffling!!!
Keep the faith my friend, IT WORKS! I know this because it does for me, and for so many others that I've come to know, like each one of you here at MIP, inspite of our sickness, inspite of the deadly disease we suffer from
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Thank God,, in my local area here clean time is clean time.
amen to that! sure, there are isolated cases, but nothing widespread that i'm aware of. although, i do my best to stay out of the gossip circles where these sort of things come to light.
Thank you all for your responses. I had a lot of confusion and anger initially when I posted, but it has since subsided, thanks to some of the responses. I should remember that we are still sick people trying to get well.
I don't hang around silly gossip circles as well Steve-O, i guess we have that in common, bud. I happened to have befriended a group of people, who I guess got the wrong impression from me because when they lit up in front of me and saw that I was distressed by it, they said "I thought you knew?" .. I guess it's also hard to ignore when one of these people chairs the meeting.. but I digress..
It is important that I focus on my program and accept the things I cannot change.
Thank you Tahir, I haven't heard "stick with the winners" in a while, those simple sayings always ring true and that's what I plan to do.
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