Hi my name is Rose Today I realized I have no control over addiction~ I thought I could control and have lied to myself that i am sober but just use to relax, denial to myself, and i am reaching out to anyone, just anyone to have faith in me or remind me that I can be addiction free. i did this before. I keep trying to convince myself for past 10 years Im not an addict, but it seems I am. No chemicals of any sort, it is 5/24/2010 and I am sober. I have not been to a meeting for over 8 years. I convinced myself the entire time I have been maried I dont use. Im just coming straight up honest with myself tonight and reaching out to NA. I was clean for 2 years going to meeings once or twice a day. I think I need to do this again, 12 step. I really dont think its something we can quit. am i still an addict like i was? i just hide it very well from EVEryone. i cant do it anymore. I havent confided in Anyone yet. not one person. not till now. nice to meet you
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I am powerless not only over drugs, but over addiction as well. I am sober my clean date 5/24/10
Thanks for sharing this Rose, very courageous of you to come out in the open like this.
Admitting that I have a disease, and that I'm an addict, in the open, with others in NA is the foundation, the moment I did that, I was on.
My clean date is May 27 (2004), and I remember that after feeling exactly the way you do, sick and tired of being sick and tired, on 27th of May, I couldn't get myself to use, I was just sitting with my stuff in front of me, staring at it, unable to pick it up and use, in terrible pain, crying... I remember that the pain was so unbearable that I started talking to something out there, asked for help, pleaded, saying that I can't do this anymore, that I 'don't want to do' this anymore. I would have sat there for almost 2 hours, with my drugs lying in front of me, and me pouring my heart out to what I do not know. Then, I got up, threw away my drugs/paraphernalia, went to a NA meeting, sat there silently, in the backbench... I went home, went online, logged into an online NA group such as this, and shared, just as you did here now. I never had to use again Just For Today. I was kept clean by this something that I spoke to on that eventful day, a Power greater than me, the fellowship, the meetings, this place...
It works Rose, together we can end up staying clean, one day at a time, and we never have to do it alone. Make a meeting if you could. Make online meetings. Stay in these forums. Reach out, connect, identify with what others share here. The amount of strength and hope any addict could draw from other addicts' shared experience, strength and hope is amazing, without any parallel. We do recover!
Welcome Rose. I'm so glad you have made the decision. There will be ups and downs but remember, no matter what .........just keep coming back. It will get better. The NA promise is simple. "Any addict can stop using drugs and lose the urge to use" The meetings, steps, sponsors, literature, prayer, and fellow recovering addicts are all available to you. Use these tools as often as you can. This board is full of wonderful caring people who will lend support as you venture into recovery. I'm so glad you chose life. Keep coming back.
Welcome Rose!Your beginning to a new way of life!Just for today you don't have to use and you can begin treating yourself by following the suggestions of our program Narcotics Anonymous.Thank you for sharing from your heart, honesty is the antidote to our diseased thinking!Stay and help us remain clean and serene for another day!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Rose - NA Welcomes you - so glad that H.P. tapped on your heart - we don't get back by accident - sounds like you are on the right track - "admitting" and "awareness" that has be the stumbling block for countless others - so glad you got to this place and decided to do something different. As another NA member I want you to know I hear you, I believe that you can do this, I believe you are truly worth it. I suggest get to meetings once again, you will be surprised by the welcoming love you will receive..Your NA sister
I know that I have the disease of addiction whether or not I am actively "using". It's hard-wired in my brain chemistry and reinforced physiologically, emotionally, socially, culturally etc. etc. My sobriety, or "recovery" if you will, is dependent on working every one of these 12 steps. Nothing else seems to do it, though I am the first to say that GOOD treatment, GOOD science/medicine, certainly can help along the way. The disorder itself, though, has no cure and is only in remission...my job is to keep it there and learn all I can about relapse prevention, because no matter how much "clean time" I have, I am never "home free". WELCOME, Rose.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
