Soooo, here i am scared as all hell. I am as raw as it gets I took my last pill last thurs evening and decided I am done! Went through withdrawls in silence with just my husband knowing. It was hell but i do know if your going through hell keep on going cuz maybe the devil dosen't know your there, that is my motto right now. I was sapposed to go through this by myself for one my husband does not think the program is for me. He really doesn't get it I AM AN ADDICT. I dont think he wants to see it cause then I am not perfect. Geez he has been my supplier for the last year cuz I take all my medication that my dr gives me within two weeks of getting it and then get him to score for me cause I hurt boy do I hurt. So hear I am reaching out in the confines of my own home. I feal utterly alone all these emotions i haven't felt for years are coming into my head I cry cause I feel sorry for myself and wonder how did i get to this point. I have read these message boards and I am amazed at how much I relate it was the turning point for me the realizatiion that its not just medication i need its a deasese I have. feels good to be a part of this right now. Thanks....
Yes Welcome,We have been waiting for you!I could only suggest to you that 'YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN RECOVERY"There may be many reasons that your husband isn't feeling it,but maybe he's not ready? There are solutions to your dilemma.You can definitely search yourself to find out if you think you are an addict(your self admission seems to verify that ,next you will have to surrender,admit you are powerless,your life is unmanageable and you need help.Narcotics Anonymous is for people who want it not necessarily need it. NA program says"we aren't interested in what or how much you used,who your connections were or what you have done in the past,how much or how little you have,but only what you want to do about your problem and how can we help"You have taken a life changing step by showing up here.We are here to share our experience strength and hope with each other in order to help us stay clean "one day at a time"I hope you join us! I would suggest finding a meeting,let everyone know whats going on and feel the love..Let us know how its going....
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Wow Thank you, I read your comment like 8 times over and over. I have been reading what others go through to get themselves to a meeting and that is the scary part. admission in its purest form I think I am leaning on my husband sooo much I am almost by lack of another resource making him my sponsor or my own version of it anyway. Not too sure what a sponsor does but it seems to me help is definitely a part of that. I am reading everything on the na.org (pamplets) its what I do, I read. I know there have been so many before me that have taken their steps so they may be there for others like myself. It is just so damn scarry this is a journey I know only I can take and need in my life, I hate what I have become and I want to live with no secrets and lies to keep my life the way I think it needs to be. My admission even as slight as it was to the real world caused me to have yet another breakdown. Wow god this is really me and look at what I have done all by my self to screw it up. Thank you again for sharing I not only need to stop what I am doing but I sooooo desperately want too.
I am glad that you found this place. It has truly helped me on my journey as well. I know I can come here and find what i need. And today you are it. You are what this is all about. I remember those days; being unsure of everything, scared, feeling like shit. I never want to go through that again....and I don't have to. And neither do you. Anything I can do for you, I am here....
Thank you... I know this is the first step for me and there are many more I will need to make. 1st things 1st from what I am reading here is I need to get my ass to a meeting. Sounds super easy but not when your actually the one that has to walk through the doors. I know all of you have been where I am right this moment and that is somewhat comforting in a way. And what is it that makes me so scared to go, I don't know. Cause it is as real as it gets right now. Can I keep it together for an hour without making a fool of myself not exactly the impression I want to put out there. That might be the essence of where I am. These boards are great cause I can read about how others are dealing not the best place for most people to be and being able to read something and say wow, me too! At a time when I feel utterly alone it helps.
welcome and dont give upiu you can if i can you can go to meetins work the steps and go to 30 in 30 and don't use get a phone list and use it before you use god bless
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some of us win some of us lose with god and this program i will be a winner
HI Lynne and welcome. I so glad that you chose to give yourself a break and seek recovery through NA. Getting to that first meeting is scary. I remember driving to meeting sites only to decide that I wasn't going in. Now I laugh at myself for being so silly, but the fear is real and many of us have been there. Here is a link so you can find the NA helpline number in your area. Call this number and tell whoever answers (or the voice mail) that you need help but are nervous about going to meetings. This is not an unusual call. Someone will speak to you and make arrangements for a couple of women in the fellowship to pick you up, or to meet you at the meeting.
NA Welcomes you - It takes a lot of courage to fess up to your own self - Hmm - "Houston there is a problem" - You truly have taken the giant leap into something has got to change - It really doesn't matter if others get it - What matters is that you get it. I hope that you will continue to seek to get better at living within your own skin - Meetings sure do help , reading literature and talking to other addicts as you are doing - The constant tapes in your head will lessen - Some days may feel like I can't do this - but i am here to encourage you and to tell you the truth - You can do it - as countless others are stopping on a daily basis - We all have to get up everyday and confirm in our being that today I won't take anything - Now what can I do to help with what I confirmed in my being - what i do is - go to meetings, service work, talk to my sponsor or other addicts, journal, prayer, work steps and sometimes just be still - and it works..Hope you continue to seek solutions - This is an awesome forum for support.
-- Edited by Fiesty on Friday 21st of May 2010 04:41:36 PM
You all are great. I got through My 1st week without calling in on favors for medication. I honestly gotta say I am surprised but what helps is coming here a few times a day to just look around and get what I need for now. Very, very helpful to just be right now. I came out to my parents that I have a problem, that was scary for me but guess what they already knew it, have known it for a while. amazing how I like to make things harder than they really are most of the time. I just came right out and said I am an addict. Told them I have been off for a week now a week last night but told them that its hard every min of the day cause it is all I think about. Its the weekend so I know I will not be tempted to call my doctor for medication cause he is not there it took a lot of will to not call him this week but i did it and I have to absolutely have to celebrate that right now. Thank you all so much it helps to think someone will read my words and respond with such compassion and understanding. Much love....
