Took 2 weeks off from work...just back now and have to return to work tomorrow. Dreading it...hate the place...need to hang in until retirement, which is just a few years. . Went to see my sister and my daughter. Visit with sister didnt go so well, but we have since resolved most of it and committed to continue working on the rest, with love. Also way too many trigger memories of past issues/relationships in both of the cities I was in. Visit with daughter went quite well, she seems happy and is doing well.
I am currently suffering a severe depression, which comes out in spontaneous weeping & anger & spewing tears & rages at others. Miserable. Am under good doctors (note the plural...we got it covered!!) care and monitoring. Making meetings, but am having a hard time due to the endless robotic phrases newer people seem to just have to spout...with nothing much else to say that has any real substance or relevance. After 20-plus years of it, hearing well, just take it a day at a time really does get old!!! Its OK if there is something more following the comment, to the heart of it, but too often there just isnt. Guess I am lacking patience & tolerance right now. Praying for patience and tolerance!! Grateful for my cyber recovery sites...much easier to deal with regarding manageability.
And, just to top it off...wha, wha, whine, whine...my beloved finally moved all his stuff out, which makes me very sad, so I am sitting in an emotionally-empty house, grieving. We havent closed the door on the relationship, and agreed to be best buds for now, and there is no animosity, so I am very grateful for that. Last, but not least in terms of upheaval, the living room is getting painted so everything is really a mess and stuff is crammed into all the other rooms. I have a hard time maintaining calm and balance in this chaos. Yard sale coming soon!!
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
Welcome back Lee! We have an offer on our house an are now looking at maybe apartment living for next year or so! man what a drastic change for us.After we see how our finances look when we pay all our debt off,I may go out early Social Security and then work a banana job somewhere,Have you thought early out? 31 years at my job and the funding up here in New York is being cut drastically,program really taking a beating.Wife wants to move to Florida sooner than later so looks like many adjustments coming up.Im glad your daughter is doing well,always good to know kids are at least moving forward.Eric is waiting on public assistance to move out AND SO ARE WE!!!!:) Yes tolerance is something we have to learn sitting in the rooms,Sometimes when I want to roll my eyes I just have to dig in a little deeper,the least I can do is give you my full attention..Anyway good talking to you,hope the Doc's keeping you on track.Good luck with your significant other,for me when my first wife left ('75)and still wanted to be friends etc,it was really difficult,but because we were moving kids around it was necessary.When she finally moved away it became much easier for me,but thats me..peace..talk to ya later!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
my beloved finally moved all his stuff out, which makes me very sad, so I am sitting in an emotionally-empty house, grieving. We havent closed the door on the relationship, and agreed to be best buds for now, and there is no animosity
Hi Lee. I'm so sorry to hear the pain you are experiencing. I'm glad your making meetings. Yes, sometimes hearing the "same old, same old" gets....well..... old. But we keep coming back and it gets better. I couldn't help but notice that there is an apparent incongruity in the two sentences I quoted above. Perhaps I'm misreading the meaning, but if not then reconciling the conflicted feelings may bring some relief. I'm really glad that you took the time to share your pain here. Perhaps someone will say that something that makes a difference. I pray that this is so.
Lee,I know hearing the same old stuff some of the young ones say ,can get to you.I am the other member from NH.I know I have changed my meetings a little,different place different stories and interpretation of recovery.Take care.
hearing the stock phrases can get a bit old but when we get complacent is when we realapse i too get tired of hearing the stuff but i have to remined myself that this program works where other didnt if we do the steps live the spirtual life and do service work we or i if you will live a drug free life i hope you feel better soon
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some of us win some of us lose with god and this program i will be a winner
Congrats! on your journey - even though it seems it is tough right now - I believe GOD is more interested in your character than your comfort - He is doing character building in you - hopefully you will look back and said darn -I got the lesson I am to experience - love and hugs
